


Art is Hard

by Michael_Ackart



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, but Shep is still in the Reds, custom Shepard - Freeform, no aliens or biotics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 60
Words: 61,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8235508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michael_Ackart/pseuds/Michael_Ackart
Summary: Many rumors surround Shepard, Reds member and failing student. But when he and Kaidan start talking in physics, Kaidan realizes that a lot of the things said about him are untrue. He's complex, funny, an artist - all things that Kaidan eventually falls for





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been posting short snippets of this on tumblr. I told myself I would never write another high school au ever again but I have to admit, this has been really fun to write. Decided to leave each snippet as a chapter instead of trying to combine them
> 
> Follow me - **gaycalshepard.tumblr.com**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dec 2017: When I get bored, I go through old stories and reedit them. Such is the case with this one

“Hey, uh, did you finish the assignment?”

The boy with messy brown hair who sits next to Kaidan in physics glances up from his notebook. He’s the only person next to Kaidan actually, his assigned seat being in the back corner of class. His name is Cal--at least, he’s pretty sure it is. Most people just call him Shepard. It’s a month into the semester and they’ve barely exchanged more than a few words.

“No,” he answers.

“Oh...” He then watches Cal yank a folded paper from the depths of his notebook and put in on the table. It’s their assignment, completely blank. “Well, I have most of the answers except the last one. Do you...want to copy?”

“Nah. I’m already failing. Pretty sure they put me in this class by mistake.”

This is the most they’ve ever spoken to each other. Shepard has a reputation with the rest of their senior class but Kaidan notices that he pretty much keeps to himself in physics. When he actually shows up.

“You think Davis realizes he’s been in the same exact position for the last fifteen minutes?”

Kaidan looks at their teacher and chuckles. “You’re right. He hasn’t moved from that computer.”

“Better for me.” He tosses his notebook flat onto the table and Kaidan’s eyes widen.

“Oh wow. You just drew that?” It’s a sketch of Davis staring at his screen, papers scattered around him while he looks utterly bored.

“Yeah. His arm came out kinda weird though...”

“No way, this is great!”

“Oh. Thanks, man.”

Kaidan looks up just in time to see a small smile appear on Shepard’s face. “Are you taking an art class?”

“Uh-huh. Whatever the beginning one is.”

“You hardly seem like a beginner.”

“I needed the credits so my counselor insisted. I personally don't see the point since I'm failing this and English.”

“Oh. It’s still early enough that you can catch up. Do you need help? Studying or whatever?”

“Nah. My problem’s mostly that I don't show up. Besides, who the fuck wants to write an essay on some stupid article or story or whatever? Write up a lab report? No fuckin' way.”

“Well, no one does. But to graduate...”

Shepard shrugs. “What should I draw next?”

“Uhh, how about my hand?” Kaidan watches him flip to a new page and pick up his pencil. He’s completely fascinated as Shepard roughly recreates his hand on paper. “How do you do that...?” he asks, not realizing he's even said anything until Shepard laughs.

“Practice I guess. I-”

But Cal’s interrupted by their teacher finally standing up and telling them to turn in their assignments. Shepard just crumples his and tosses it in his backpack on the floor. He stands and stretches as other students put their papers in a pile up front. The lunch bell rings and he shoves his stuff into his bag, eager to skip his last class and leave for the day. He sees Kaidan heading back to his chair to gather his own things.

“I’ll see ya around.”

“Ah, yeah, see you tomorrow, Cal.” He freezes for a moment and Kaidan is worried. “Did I say something wrong? Are you not gonna be here tomorrow?”

“Oh, just--you called me Cal.”

“Oh god, that’s your name, right? I know everyone calls you Shepard but-”

“I don’t know why no one wants to use my first name. Even teachers. Keep calling me Cal, it’s fine. Uh, bye.”

He leaves the room in a hurry and leaves Kaidan a little confused as he packs up.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s two days later when Kaidan sees Cal again. He’s on his way to third period government with his friend Ashley when Shepard turns the corner with a box in his hands. He smiles at Kaidan and gives him a little ‘hey’ when they pass.

“Hey. Nice, um, box.”

“Art supplies. I’m the errand boy in exchange for good grades. See you in class.”

Kaidan is pretty sure he’s joking.

“Ooh, new friend?” he hears and turns towards Ash.

“We sit next to each other in physics,” he explains. “Monday was the first time we had an actual conversation this semester.”

“Of course you befriend the guy with the most rumors flying around him.”

“That’s just gossip.”

“I know, I know. He’s cute. And gay.”

“I know,” he grunts. Everyone knows, Shepard is _very_ open about it.

“Are you gonna ask him on a date?”

“We’ve had one conversation.”

“Love at first sight is a thing.”

“Oh my god.”

He ignores the lighthearted laughter directed at him.

~~~~~

“Alright, everyone, clear off your desk except for-” The sound of the door being yanked open interrupts the teacher and everyone watches Shepard strut in. He smiles at Davis, ignoring the glare sent his way. “Tardy again, Shepard. Quiz, get a pencil out.”

Cal sits down and grabs the one tucked behind his ear. “Hey, man.”

“Hi. Ready for this quiz?”

“Pfft, nope.”

Twenty minutes later, time is up and everyone hands their papers towards the center aisle to be collected.

“I messed up the last one,” Kaidan groans. “It was the same type of problem from the assignment Monday.”

“I got 411 nanometers,” Cal tells him. “The light should’ve been purple. But I dunno.”

“...I got infrared.”

Their teacher dives straight into a short lecture from the next chapter of their textbook. Kaidan’s notes are organized, bullet-pointed and key terms highlighted. When the powerpoint slides finally end, Kaidan glances over to see Shepard jotted stuff down too.

“Answer the questions for section 3.1. Due at the end of class, you can work in pairs,” Davis announces before he starts grading their quizzes.

“Are you doing this one? Wanna work together?” Kaidan asks.

“Sure.”

They have close to twenty minutes to complete it. As they work, Kaidan realizes Shepard was telling the truth the other day. Cal isn’t failing from a lack of understanding--together they answer all the questions in ten minutes. The moment they’re done, Shepard pulls the sketchbook from his black backpack.

“Any new drawings?”

“We have a project due on Friday in art so I’ve been working on that. ‘Round things.’ Dumb prompt but whatever.”

“Can I see?”

“I don’t have it with me. It’s in our bigger sketchpad and I left that at home. Oh wait, I do have a picture of it from last night. Tell me what you think of the shading on the soccer ball.” He pulls out his phone and swipes through a couple photos, then shows the other teen.

“Are you seriously asking what I think? It looks practically real.”

“Is that science you two are talking about?”

Both boys look up to see their teacher staring at them. “We’re done,” Cal barks back.

“I wouldn’t believe you if I hadn’t just graded your quizzes.”

Kaidan frowns when he sees his score--90% One wrong and it’s the last question like he suspected. He side-eyes Shepard’s paper and sees that he got a perfect score. “Huh. Can you show me how to do the last problem?”

“Sure.”

A couple minutes later Kaidan mumbles, “That’s a lot easier than I thought.”

“Yeah. Davis just doesn’t explain it well.” He yawns then asks, “Do you have classes after lunch?”

“Just math. You?”

“English. Everyone has to give a speech this week. I’m not excited about it.”

“When’s yours?”

“Friday. I was gonna go to the library at lunch to work on it. My friend Garrus isn’t here today so it’s kinda boring without him.”

“I’m heading in that direction too. Ash wanted to leave campus and eat in the park.”

“The park sounds more fun. We can walk together then.”

When the bell rings, Cal shoulders his bag but keeps his sketchbook under his arm as they leave. He’s in the middle of explaining what his half-assed research is about when his notebook clatters to the ground and obnoxious laughter pierces his ear.

Kaidan’s lips curl into a snarl at the guy who purposely knocked it out of his hands. “Hey, asshole-”

“No worries, Kaidan,” Shepard says as he bends down to pick it up. “This is my good friend Balak. He’s just a little bitter right now because he’s the only guy in school I won’t sleep with.”

“Fuck off, Shepard,” Balak bites. “I’ll beat your fucking ass.”

“Man, you are begging for me to make a gay joke. Y’know, similar to the way you begged me at that party to-”

“Hey!” a third voices cuts sharply, this time from an older adult. “You causing trouble, Shepard?”

The teen in question rolls his eyes. “I’m leaving,” he says, not bothering to clarify the situation.

Kaidan frowns but follows him quietly. The other teacher at least tells Balak to go a different way from them. “Balak and that teacher are jerks. You didn’t start anything.”

“Eh, I don’t have the best reputation around here. I’m assuming you know that.”

“What? No, I-”

“You don’t gotta play dumb, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal.”

“I mean, I’ve heard rumors but whatever. You seem nice.”

Shepard grins. “Thanks.”

The pair stops when they approach the library and Kaidan is starting to enjoy the little smile on Cal’s face.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Shepard says. “Also, uh, I know you were gonna say something to Balak. I...thanks.”

“Of course, he was an absolute dick.”

“Uh-huh. Well, it’s appreciated. Anyways, have fun on your park picnic.”

“Good luck with your research. Talk to you later, Cal.”

When Kaidan turns to keep walking, he misses the way Cal looks at him for a moment and he misses the small smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

“Wanna ditch sixth period with me?”

Kaidan quirks an eyebrow at his lab partner and (potential?) new friend. “Isn’t your speech today?” he asks Shepard.

“Yeah, that’s why I wanna ditch.”

“I thought you researched and prepared.”

“I did. I...I’m nervous,” Cal grumbles.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

“No one takes me seriously in that class. They’ll probably think my topic’s boring and not pay attention.”

“Like you really care what they think.”

“I don’t like speeches...”

“What’s that thing people always say? Picture everyone in their underwear.”

“I already do that on the daily,” he laughs. “Hey, maybe I can...rehearse in front of you at lunch? Don’t feel obligated though if you don’t want-”

“Sure, I’ll help.” He takes his phone out and sends a quick text to Ashley to let her know he won’t be meeting up with their usual group. When he tells her why, she just sends a string of emojis in response that he ignores. When class ends and they go outside, Kaidan asks where Shepard wants to practice.

“There’s an empty spot by the baseball field that I smoke at sometimes. Just...I’ll feel self-conscious if I think other people are listening.”

“Okay. I want to buy something to eat and then we can go.”

Once they have food, they head to the place Cal suggested. There are other students around but not anywhere too close. As Kaidan settles down and opens his soda, he notices that Shepard really does look nervous.

“I look like a dick,” he sighs as he fumbles with his note cards. “This shirt doesn’t even fit me right. I had to borrow it from my friend.”

Kaidan looks over his outfit--dark jeans and a green button up. The shirt is a tiny bit too big but overall, “You look really good, Cal.”

He smiles and Kaidan thinks he looks even better. “I have a tie in my bag but I don’t actually know how to tie it.”

“Oh, I can help with that.”

Shepard grabs it from his bag and puts it around his neck. “What do I do?”

“I’ll show you. Do you mind if I stand behind you? I mean, I’m used to tying it around my own neck so...”

“It’s fine.”

Kaidan does his best to focus on the task, even though he’s silently admitting that standing with Cal like this is...nice. “I’ll teach you some other time,” he says, his head over Shepard’s shoulder. “Otherwise you’ll use this as an excuse not to read your speech.”

“You already know me so well,” he laughs. He almost makes a comment about the lack of warmth when Kaidan walks back around to the bench but ultimately opts not to. “Uh, okay, ready? It’s boring and I can’t show you the powerpoint but...”

“Cal, it’s fine. Start when you’re ready.”

“Okay. Okay...today I’m...”

They spend half the time going over the speech, Kaidan assuring him it isn’t boring and doesn’t ‘sound dumb.’ “You need to give yourself more credit. I can’t believe you put this together in two days.”

Once Cal feels as practiced as he can, they eventually start talking about other things. They almost miss the bell that signals the end of lunch. They walk to Kaidan’s class first since it’s on the way to English.

“I appreciate you hanging out with me,” Cal says. “My friends would’ve just laughed and fucked around the whole time if I had asked them.”

“Glad to help.”

“Listen, I dunno if you know Wrex and Grunt--they’re brothers, friends of mine. They’re throwing a party tonight, do you wanna go?”

“Oh, uh, actually I already have plans with Ashley and my other friend Tali.”

“Ah, okay-”

“But what about tomorrow? You doing anything?”

“Nursing a hangover,” he laughs. “But, um, yeah, I'm free Saturday.”

“Great. What's your phone number?” Once Cal is in his contacts, he sends him a text to give him his number as well. “You should get going to class. You don't want to be late.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Heh, let me know how it goes, okay?”

“I will.”

Kaidan watches him walk for a few moments before heading inside for calculus.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey, are you even listening?”

“Uh-huh,” Cal mutters distractedly as he types a message on his phone.

“If you don’t put that thing away, I’m gonna push you out of my car.”

“Shut up, Garrus. You love me too much.”

“You’re smiling at your phone.”

“Am not.”

“New guy?”

“No. Not really. He’s just a friend.”

“Hm. What’s his name?”

“Kaidan Alenko. You know him?”

“Alenko, huh? Yeah. We ran track together sophomore year.”

“Really? We have physics together. We’re supposed to hang out tomorrow. I think I’m going to his house.”

“Hm.”

“Shut up, it’s not like that.”

Now that they’re stopped at a red light, Garrus can turn his head and raise an eyebrow at his friend. “It’s not like you to get so defensive.”

“I’m not defensive.” His phone buzzes and he quickly reads it. “We’re gonna draw. Or I’m gonna try to teach him.”

“You are a good artist. You’re not doing any jobs for the Reds this weekend?”

He shakes his head with a frown. “I told you I’m not running with them that much right now.”

“That’s good. Hey, can you call Wrex? We’re almost at the store. What does he want us to get?”

He stares at Kaidan’s little smiley face for another moment before calling their other friend. He still isn’t sure how they ended up as the Urdnot brothers’ errand boys. Now that he’s actually thought it through, it’s probably best that Kaidan declined his invitation. These parties aren’t exactly mellow and he knows he can be a bit obnoxious when drunk. It’s too early to show Kaidan his chaotic life and friends--just because this is normal to _him_...

“Shepard! Did you ass dial me?”

Wrex’s voice interrupts his thoughts. He’s over-thinking things. He’ll go to Kaidan’s house tomorrow and they’ll have a good time.

~~~~~

Kaidan sits down for what feels like the first time that morning. Actually...he checks the time and it’s half past noon. Cal will come soon. He’s spent his time cleaning up around the house and making sure the table in the dining room is cleared off--they’re going to have an ‘arts and crafts’ day. The fridge and cupboards are stocked with drinks and snacks too. Though if they want to go somewhere, the other car is in the driveway. It’s not technically his but his parents let him use it often.

Will Cal be bored? He hopes not. If the guy is used to partying on weekends...

He sighs. “Stop it,” he whispers. It’ll be fine. He’s not normally this nervous but he finds himself really not wanting to mess things up with his new friend. He doesn’t think about the reason why.

The doorbell rings and he stands from the couch. When he answers the front door, Shepard stands there with his backpack and another messenger type bag slung over his shoulder. But what catches his eyes the most are the arms exposed because of the tank top Cal wears.

“Sup.”

“Hey, come in,” he says and quickly moves out of the way. “Nice tattoos.”

“Oh, thanks.” He gestures towards his stuff and changes the subject. “I...probably brought more than we need to be honest. It’s all in my backpack.”

“Awesome. We can set up in the dining room. Do you want something to drink? Or a snack?”

“Uhhh, soda if you have it.” Shepard sets his belongings up while Kaidan heads to the fridge.

“How was your party?” he calls out.

“Fun enough. Their get-togethers are usually pretty wild.”

“Are you hungover?”

“No. I...didn’t drink that much. Wasn’t in the mood.” His eyes drift to the can placed in front of him. “How was your night?”

“Good. I ended up spending the night at Ash’s with Tali.” Kaidan glances around at Cal’s art supplies. “You weren’t kidding when you said you brought a lot. I don’t even know where to start.”

Shepard selects a pencil (why are there so many?) and hands it off. “Here, we’ll start simple. That lamp over there is good.”

“Have you always been good at drawing?”

“Ha, no. I practice instead of doing homework.”

Shepard instructs Kaidan on drawing light sketch lines, on focusing more on the lamp than looking down at his paper, on paying attention to proportion. He tries to remember this is supposed to be casual and fun--Shepard knows he can get too focused on this if he’s not careful. They do get distracted, laugh at things, discuss other students, talk about teachers they dislike.

When Cal’s stomach growls loudly and he looks embarrassed, Kaidan just sort of smiles and says, “I have food here. Or we can go get something. What are you in the mood for?”

“I kinda want pizza. But I’m down for whatever.”

“That sounds good. Did you drive here?”

“No, I don’t have a license. Bussed it over. We don’t actually live too far. Do you wanna order or go out?”

“Let’s go for a drive.”

“Can we just leave this stuff on the table?”

“Yeah. I don’t know when either of my parents will be home but they won’t care. They know you’re here.”

Once outside, Kaidan’s attention drifts back to Cal’s arms. “Are those all recent?”

“No, I got my first one a couple years ago. The most recent was on my eighteenth birthday.

“What was it?”

He hesitates a moment then raises his arm and lifts up the side of his shirt. Cal has the eight planets of the solar system in full color up his side. “My friend likes space a lot, I guess it rubbed off on me. It’s super interesting.”

Kaidan’s eyes are glued to his skin. Once he realizes how hard he’s staring, his gaze shoots back up to Shepard’s face. “That’s really cool.”

“Thanks,” he says and pulls his shirt back down. “Ready to go?”

“Uh-huh.”

Kaidan waits until both their seat belts are buckled before backing out of the driveway and heading to the nearest pizza place.


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard insists on paying for their pizza. They devour an entire one between the two of them.

“Garrus said you used to run track?” Cal asks as he slurps down his soda.

“Until junior year. I just couldn’t keep up with my class schedule after that. And I wasn’t too into it honestly. My parents just wanted me in something so I went with running. He’s still on the team, isn’t he?”

He nods. “Fucker’s fast. Tries to get me to go with him on early morning jogs sometimes. Man, fuck that.”

Kaidan laughs. “It’s not completely terrible. Gives you more energy throughout the day.”

“Eh. Ryan makes me get up sometimes to go. Both dicks.”

“Who’s Ryan?”

“Oh...uh, my friend that I live with.”

“Does he go to our school?”

“Nah. He's older. Twenty-five. We've been friends for years.”

Kaidan decides in that moment not to pry about Shepard’s family but Cal hesitantly offers some information freely.

“My parents gave me up as a baby. I have no idea who they are. My...life was a mess when I was younger but I moved in with Ryan a few months ago. It’s been good.”

“That’s...tough.”

He shrugs. “It hasn’t been all bad and Ryan’s been really amazing. Bitches about me never doing school work but otherwise it’s fine. Maybe you can spend the night sometime.”

“That’d be fun.” Kaidan wonders if Shepard is trying to invite him for more. Cal certainly has a...promiscuous reputation but the offer for an actual sleepover seems genuine. But he’s not entirely sure he’d mind something different.

“Maybe next weekend or something. If you’re not busy. Eh, we’ll figure it out.” He takes one last bite before sitting back in his seat. “Ugh, I’m so full.”

“Aw, I was going to see if you wanted to get ice cream across the street.”

“Ooh, yeah, I still got room for that.” He jumps up and waits until Kaidan follows to push open the door. “Y’know, I-”

“Cal, is that you?”

Both teens turns towards the other voice and Kaidan notices Shepard tense up.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” the young man continues. He looks in his twenties, has dark hair, and a few light scars on his face. “You’re clinging on to a different guy every time I see you!”

“Fuck off, Finch,” Cal snaps. He tries to walk away but Finch doesn’t like that.

“You really have the balls to turn your back to me? You up and disappear and now you wanna act like you don’t know me?”

“It’s none of your business what I’m up to.” Shepard refuses to turn around but Kaidan is still staring at Finch.

He nods at Kaidan. “Your little boyfriend know you’re part of the Reds? Hey, kid, ask him where he got that dagger tattoo.” He laughs before walking away, Kaidan watching him enter a shop.

“Cal...”

“I’m gonna go,” Shepard suddenly says and tries to take off.

“Wait. Why? All your stuff’s at my house anyways.”

He stops and turns abruptly towards the car. Kaidan’s right. He can’t just leave his art supplies. With a sigh, Kaidan follows and gets in the driver’s seat. He turns the car on but doesn't move out of park.

“What are you waiting for?” Shepard growls.

“Why are you being a dick now?” Kaidan asks. When Cal just stares down at his hands, he tries again. “What are the Reds?” Shepard refuses to meet his gaze. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. It’s fine.”

“They’re a gang. I’m in a gang. Used to be, still am, whatever.”

“O-oh.”

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it. Can you just take me to your place so I can get my things?”

“I...yeah. Okay.”

Kaidan finally drives off and the trip home is just as awkward as he expects.


	6. Chapter 6

Kaidan watches Cal pack up. He knows he should say something but he’s not sure what. Shepard’s in a gang? That is...not what he expected. He is rumored to hang with sketchy people but...gangs are dangerous.

He huffs at his own dumb thoughts. But he does wonder what exactly his job with the Reds entails and he tries not to let his imagination run wild. They should probably talk but Cal obviously isn’t in the mood and Kaidan’s afraid of making things weirder.

“Are you sure you don’t want a ride...?” he offers again.

“No. I’ll see you at school.”

And then half a minute later, Cal’s gone and he’s left all alone in the house. Kaidan drifts over to the couch where he sits and wonders why he feels so terrible.

~~~~~

Even though Kaidan sort of expected it, disappointment still lances through him when it’s ten minutes into physics and he’s next to an empty seat. There’s no assignment to work on that day but the lecture drags on longer than usual. Maybe Cal’s embarrassed? If that’s a life he put behind him...

He’s thinking too much about this. But even as he tries to tell himself that, he hopes Cal shows up tomorrow. He misses his friend. Once they actually started talking, they had clicked quickly. Kaidan thought Saturday was fun--up until Finch ruined it of course.

Kaidan sighs a little louder than he meant to and looks down at his notes to avoid the gazes of nearby students.

When Tuesday comes and Shepard’s absent again, Kaidan gets annoyed. Now Cal is just being dramatic. He sends him a text, ‘You missed our lab today.’ He knows Shepard won’t actually care but he wants to see if he’ll respond. He doesn’t. And when Kaidan scowls at his phone during lunch, Ashley looks at him strangely.

“What’s your problem?” she asks. “You’ve been grumpy all day.

“I’m not grumpy.” Then he adds, “Cal’s being an ass and ignoring me.”

“You and your boyfriend already get in a fight?”

He hesitates for just a moment--but she’s his best friend and they tell each other everything.

“Wow,” she mutters once he finishes explaining. “I mean, it’s never been a secret Shepard runs with a bad crowd but-”

“But he’s not a bad guy. And Finch made it seem like Cal stopped hanging around them. I don’t know what his problem is, why he’s avoiding me.”

“Maybe it’s just a coincidence he hasn’t been at school. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I dunno...I know he and Garrus are good friends. He might know where he is.”

“He might be on campus. I think they hang out by the woodshop building.”

~~~~~

Garrus is listening to Wrex tell a story when some of the other people in their area grow rowdy. He turns and sees the source. Kaidan is walking towards him, determined despite the people taunting the clean-cut honors student.

“Where’s Cal?” he asks

Garrus blinks and realizes he’s referring to Shepard. “Don’t know. Haven’t seen him since Friday night.”

“He hasn’t answered my texts.”

“I’m not exactly his keeper.”

“No, but you’re his friend. He hasn’t talked to you about...anything?”

“Again, not since Friday. He ditches all the time though, he’ll turn up soon.”

“Oh...alright.”

“Look, I’ll let him know you’re looking for him. Okay?”

“Yeah. Uh, thanks. See you around.”

He watches Alenko leave, ignoring the second round of hollering from his group of unruly friends. Even though Shepard tried to play it off, he knows Cal is smitten with Kaidan. He wonders what’s up, what happened when they hung out.

~~~~~

“You sure you don’t want one?”

Garrus rolls his eyes.

“Excuse me for being polite,” Cal says and takes a drag from his cigarette. They’re outside by the baseball field, the same spot he and Kaidan practiced his speech. It’s Wednesday morning and Shepard wants a quick smoke break before heading to art class. He sent a text to Garrus earlier telling him to meet up with him.

“This is the first I’ve seen you since Wrex’s party. Where’ve you been?”

“The Reds needed me so I came out of retirement,” he says casually.

“What? You said-”

“I never said it was permanent. It was just a couple jobs anyways.”

“Does Ryan know?”

“No.”

“Huh. You know, Kaidan came looking for you yesterday.”

“Why?”

“You tell me.”

“I ran into Finch Saturday.”

“Did he do something?”

“Called me out in front of Kaidan. I bolted. Well, he drove me so I could get my stuff from his place. And then I left.”

“Why? Did he react badly?”

“He didn’t try to stop me.”

“Are you lying?”

Shepard inhales deeply and tries to blow a smoke ring before answering. “I guess so. I was...I don’t know, the whole thing just reminded me...”

“Of what?” The bell rings in the distance and they’re late to their classes. Garrus doesn’t care though.

“Of who I am. Kaidan doesn’t need to get caught up in my bullshit life. He’s a good guy. I should’ve known better than to leave the Reds. That’s all I’m fucking good at, Garrus. I can’t even manage to pass a simple math class. It’s not like I’m gonna graduate, I might as well just drop out now. Why am I still here?”

This is the most serious he’s heard Shepard speak in a long time.

“I don’t even know why you’re still friends me, if I’m being honest,” he continues.

“Shut up, Shepard. You know damn well why you’re failing--it’s not because you’re dumb like you pretend to be. You choose not to make time for homework, choose to ditch with Wrex or Jack or whoever. I was the same exact way and yeah, it was a lot more fun but it’s possible to still make time for parties and stuff on the weekend. You’ve been doing really good since the end of junior year. And I don’t get why you’re suddenly throwing away a friendship with a guy I can tell you really like.”

“What’s the point? If this doesn’t scare him off, something will.”

Garrus shakes his head. “Stop assuming shit. He hasn’t run off, it sounds like he tried to do the opposite. You say Kaidan’s a good guy, well, so are you. Rough around the edges? Sure but that doesn’t mean you’re this awful person. I know how hard things were in the past but it’s different now. You’re different. And I’ve been through it all with you because you’re my closest friend and nothing’s ever going to change that.” He watches Shepard allow the cigarette to fall from his hand and then squish it with his old boot. “Now look, we’re late and you shouldn’t be skipping anymore classes. Especially art, it’s your favorite. Let’s go.”

Cal grabs his backpack off the bench then brushes past his best friend of nearly eight years with a quiet, “Thank you.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Shepard, what happened? You know the still life was due on Monday,” an older woman says.

“I...was busy,” he answers lamely. The last couple students trickle out of the classroom. “I didn’t have a good weekend.”

She looks at the eighteen year old with concern. “Is everything alright?”

He nods. “Can I turn it in late?”

She sighs. “Yes, I’ll just take 10% off. Please have it to me by Friday, okay? You’re one of my most passionate students. I hope this isn’t the start of a new trend.”

“I’m failing half my other classes. I just...” She’s his favorite teacher and the only one who actually seems to give a fuck about him.

“If you put just half the effort into those classes that you do in here, you’ll graduate. I know you’re struggling right now but it’s not out of your grasp. Look, have you even started the assignment?”

“I...have a rough sketch.”

“Okay, how about this? Turn in a project--whatever you like--on Monday. Any medium, any subject. Just make sure I know you put in the work you’re capable of. It’ll count for last week and the painting everyone else is doing now. They already have a two day head start on you.”

“...Why are you doing this for me?”

“Because I can tell you do care. Shepard--Cal--you could go on to art school if you really wanted.” He starts to make a face but she holds up a stern hand. “We’ve discussed this, I realize that. I want to see you succeed but two missing projects will cut into your grade. No more ditching, deal?”

He bites his lips then nods. “Deal. I...thank you.”

“Of course. Now get to your next class. Do you need a note?”

“Uhh, yeah. Just in case.”

Once he takes the note, he leaves the classroom. He’s surprised that she’s being so lenient with him--though another slip up and he knows she won’t be. Shepard’s so preoccupied that he completely misses the person leaning against the opposite wall.

“Cal.”

He looks up, green eyes landing on a ticked off Kaidan. He hadn’t expected him to actually look for him. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you think? I didn’t know if you had plans to avoid me in physics again.”

“You’re going to be late to your next class.”

“I don’t care. I want to talk to you.”

“Fine,” he sighs. “Let’s...go to our spot. By the field. I don’t want anyone overhearing and starting even more rumors about me.”

It’s an awkward walk over there and Shepard scrambles for something to say. But really, what is there to say?

“Garrus said you were looking for me,” he finally manages when they’re close to the baseball field

“Yeah, yesterday. You ignored my texts. What the hell happened on Saturday?”

“Are you honestly gonna stand here and tell me you’re okay with that? Why the fuck do you want to be friends with me, Kaidan? I’m an asshole and a thief and you’re...normal! You have parents and a normal house, you’re an honors student, you have normal friends that aren’t two and three times your fucking age and...”

“Yeah, you are an asshole! Why are you being so hard on yourself? I like you, Cal. I already consider you my friend and all I want to do is get to know you more and more. Why are you doing this? Don’t you think we have a good thing going here?”

“Maybe you don’t understand--I’m in a gang-”

“You were.”

“No, I am. Where do you think I’ve been these last few days? All that’s going to happen is you’re going to get sucked into my problems. My life is a mess, Kay. I don’t...I don’t want you caught up in that. Because I like you too and I don’t want to bring you down.”

“We’re the same age, I don’t need you making decisions for me like I’m a kid. How many times do I have to say it--I fucking like you, Cal. I want to be your friend. Was I surprised on Saturday? Yeah, of course. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t. But...it doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Finch said you disappeared. Does that mean you stopped going around them?”

Shepard sighs dramatically and tosses his backpack onto the bench. “We’re way late. You wanna ditch and hang out here?”

“If you answer my question.”

Cal sits down in the dirt and leans against the wall. “You want a smoke?” he jokes as he unzips his backpack.

“Sure,” Kaidan says and sits next to him.

“Ooh, you surprise me.” He lights one up then hands it off to Kaidan. Amber eyes meet his as Kaidan takes a drag. Shepard’s mesmerized until he remembers to take a second one out for himself. “I cut down my time with them when I moved in with Ryan,” he finally continues. “Stopped running with them completely for a while. These last couple days were the first time in...weeks? I dunno, I lose track of time. I guess since school started.”

“What changed? To make you stop, I mean. Did Ryan make you?”

“No. But he is the reason. He’s good to me, makes me think sometimes I can do something with my life besides die in a knife fight.”

“He must be a good friend to take you in like that.”

“I’m really lucky to have him. Look, I’m...sorry for how I acted Saturday. I...” He struggles to find the right words. “I’ve run with the same crowd for a while now and I’m not used to making new friends I guess. It’s just weird, a lot of people look at me like I’m a freak and I can’t really blame them. But that doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. I shouldn’t have been a dick to you Saturday and I shouldn’t have ignored you after.”

“They’re wrong, you know.”

Shepard still isn’t so sure. He looks down when Kaidan’s leg brushes against his. “So...did you do the lab alone yesterday?”

Kaidan laughs a bit. “Yeah. Easy points. You’re not missing again though. That class is boring without you.”

“Alright, alright. I got you to ditch one class, I know better than to try for two.”

The pair keeps talking right until the next bell rings to end fourth period. Cal realizes just how different Kaidan is from the usual guys he ‘clings’ to. He’s glad for that.


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard wipes the sweat from his brow as he treks across campus. It’s still the morning but he’s been walking around in the sun for the last ten minutes. He shifts his drawing board to his other hand. It’s third period--art class for him--and he’s trying to find something that ‘speaks to him’ for his assignment. The rest of class works on their paintings while his teacher lets him roam around to sketch.

The only problem is that he has no idea what he wants to do. It’s worth two assignments and he has free reign--he wants it to be good, an interesting subject. Maybe he’ll paint too--he has a new set of watercolors he’s yet to try out.

He finally sits down under a tree and takes out his phone. It’s Friday and all morning he’s been trying to work up the nerve to ask Kaidan to spend the night. Shepard’s never had a problem with one night stands and quick flings, but that’s not quite what he’s after with Kaidan. It makes him uncharacteristically nervous and he hates it. It’s been a couple days since their serious talk and he’s scared of fucking things up again.

‘Come outside for a few,’ he types in a text. ‘My teacher let me was around to sketch. I’m at the twin trees.’

A few minutes later, he sees Kaidan round a corner and they smile at each other. “I don’t have too long unfortunately,” he says as he sits next to him. “Have you sketched anything yet?”

“Not really. I don’t know what to draw. Nothing at this hellhole school probably. But I wanted to ask if you have plans tonight? If not, I was wondering if you’d want to spend the night? It’s hot as fuck today, we could go swimming, have dinner with Ryan, do whatever.”

“Yeah, I’d like that. I’ll have to go home first to grab my stuff and let my parents know. Text me the address.” Once Kaidan’s phone buzzes, he says he should probably head back to class. “See you in physics. Good luck with your project.”

“Thanks. Later.”

Shepard watches him walk away for a few moments then turns his gaze to a random plant against one of the buildings. He turns to a new page and grabs his pencil, knowing what he wants to do for his project. When he’s done sketching, he grabs his things and heads back to class.

~~~~~

“So this is the guy you’ve been telling me about?”

“Yeah,” Cal speaks over the phone. “I’m nervous, Rye. Why? That’s never happened to me before.”

“This is the first sleepover you’ve had.”

“I’ve slept at people’s houses before.”

“Yeah, but you know what I mean. It sounds like you like this Kaidan a lot.”

“I...do. It’s weird.”

“Just relax. You’re good at that. I’ll be home around six, alright? I have to get back to work now.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, Cal.”

He hangs up and tosses his phone onto the couch. Shepard’s already bailed on two kickbacks tonight from various friends. He doesn’t want to go to another drunken party, he just wants to spend time with Kaidan this weekend.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the most popular parts on tumblr...

Shepard flops onto his stomach, chlorine water soaking into the towel he put over the chair earlier. He peeks an eye at Kaidan, who sits down in a much more dignified matter. Cal flips onto his back, hands shifting to behind his head, and he immediately notices Kaidan’s gaze shoot to the planets up his side.

“So your parents were cool with you spending the night?” he asks.

“Yeah. I mean, mostly. I had to explain that you live with a roommate. And give them your phone number. I think my mom thinks we’re gonna throw a party.”

“Ha, maybe next time. But nah, I just...wanted to hang out with you,” he says hesitantly. “And you know, try to make up for the way I acted this past week.”

“You don’t have to ‘make up’ for it, we talked about it already.”

“I know.”

“...You worry too much,” Kaidan says.

“Now that’s definitely never been said to me before.”

But Cal can’t help worrying. He’s scared about how hard and fast he’s fallen for the other boy. He guesses that’s why he reacted so strongly about the Finch thing. Most people at school don’t like him--that’s fine, the feeling is mutual. But he truly clicks with Kaidan and he feels embarrassed and hurt at the thought of being judged harshly by him. It makes a small part sneer at himself. Garrus was right, he has changed.

“Everything alright?”

He’s still scared he’ll do something to run Kaidan off for good. “I’m glad you came. I know this isn’t the most normal situation.”

“Stop doing that, stop being so down on yourself. This is fine, you’re fine. More than fine. I promise.”

He sits up at that, playfully waggling his eyebrows in attempt to lighten the mood. “You’re pretty fine yourself, Kay.”

“You’ve done that a few times now.”

“What?”

“Call me Kay. It’s...nice.”

“I’m glad you don’t mind. Hey, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Okay. It’s not bad, is it?”

“No, about my art project.”

“Oh yeah, did you find something to draw? It’s due Monday, right?”

“Yeah. I was kinda hoping...you’d let me draw you? If you don’t want to, it’s cool. You’d have to sit still for a while and I guess that’s no fun.”

Kaidan looks surprised but then his face breaks out into a grin. “Me? Really? I’m flattered. Okay. Did you want to start tonight?”

“Yeah, if you’re cool with that.”

“Of course. This’ll be awesome.”

“Heh, I like your enthusiasm. Wanna head back now? Ryan should be home soon.”

“Sure.”

They grab their towels and try to dry off a little more before putting their shirts back on. Cal slips his sandals on then leads the way out of the gate. “I think my room would be best,” he says, already deep in thought. “My lights are already set up the way I like in there and I can just move my desk a bit to face the bed so you have somewhere comfortable to sit. What do you think would look best?”

“You’re asking me?”

“Yeah. Color or gray scale? I could do charcoal but that’d probably turn out a mess. Everyone else has been painting this week so I was thinking about going that route.”

“What kind of paints?”

“Watercolors.”

“That’d be neat.”

“I think so too. I like painting. But I doubt I’ll get to that part tonight. I’d rather take my time on the outline, make sure it’s right.”

“What are the other students doing?”

“Flowers and plants. She has a few sets up around the room. We get to choose our color palette. Or they do. Seems fun. Flowers are always relaxing. There’s this small garden in the park across the street from here, I did a drawing of it in colored pencil not too long ago. It’s cool because...uh...”

Kaidan frowns at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, um, I’m rambling and...probably boring you. Sorry.”

“Cal, no. The way you talk about drawing, you’re so passionate about it. I love that. Whoever told you it was boring was wrong.”

They slow to a stop now that they’re near Shepard's front door. “Thanks,” he says with a small laugh. “I appreciate it. My other friends, they tell me to just shut up sometimes. Not Garrus but...”

“Well, I don’t want you to shut up. I want to hear all about your art, okay?”

“You’re a good friend.” Even though he means it, the word friend still feels a little bitter on his tongue. But Shepard has never been in a real relationship before and he doesn’t want to fuck up the friendship he and Kaidan already have.

“So are you. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“How can you say that after-”

“Because we talked it out and you apologized. Can’t we move on now? Just don’t do it again, right?”

“Yeah, I won’t. Promise. I like you, Kay.”

“I like you too.”

Cal grows very aware of how close they’re standing now. If he wanted to, he could...but he hesitates. And Kaidan notices. He takes half a step closer to Shepard, encouraged when he doesn’t move away. A hand carefully places itself on Cal’s waist and then Kaidan closes the distance he’s scared of and kisses Shepard.

Cal’s eyes close and his arms slowly wrap around him to pull them closer together. This is far from his first kiss but as their mouths move against each other, this is definitely his favorite.


	10. Chapter 10

“Did I tell you how Ryan and I met?” Cal asks Kaidan.

“Come on, is this really appropriate dinner conversation?” the twenty-five year old whines.

“It’s a lovely, heartwarming story! Besides Kay already knows about...things. I was fifteen. It was in the evening, on some random fuckin’ running path or whatever. A couple of the Reds’ rivals had tailed me but by the time I realized it, it was too late and they started beating me up. Luckily, Rye is a fucking health nut and that was his usual jogging path so he came across the three of us and saved me. He looks gentle but damn does he know how to fight. He patched me up in his apartment and let me crash on the couch for the night. And the rest is history.”

“You make it sound like we became friends that same day. You didn’t like me.”

“I did. Mostly. I just didn’t trust you. No one was that nice to me, except Garrus sometimes. Thought you’d turn me in to the police or something. Anyways, that’s how we met. And now we’re best friends.”

“That’s...a really sweet story,” Kaidan says, eyes a little wide.

Cal grins. “I think so. Pretty lucky too.”

“He really does think that,” Ryan says. “So he tells me you two met in physics?”

“Yeah, we’ve sat next to each other the entire semester but finally started talking a month later.”

“Ryan was an honors nerd like you,” Shepard interrupts.

“Says the guy who lied to me and said he was put in AP physics by accident. You know the material better than I do.”

“Cal, you liar. His counselor urged him to take it this year because he’s good at it when he actually pays attention.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“Stop ganging up on me,” Shepard complains.

“Speaking of school, did you think of a subject for your art project?” Ryan asks.

Shepard bites his lip a little then nodded. “I asked Kaidan if I could draw him.”

Ryan glances between them then smiles. “You’re a good artist, I’m sure it’ll turn out great.”

Hours later, after they come home from the restaurant and hang out, Cal’s finally setting up his room to draw. Kaidan sits on the bed, watching him adjust his lamps and move his desk.

“How do you want me?”

“Heh. Um, however’s most comfortable for you,” Shepard says.

Kaidan gathers his pillows and props them against the wall. Cal opens his tablet to a blank page and sharpens his pencil, waiting for him to get situated.

“Wait, let me change into shorts. These jeans will be uncomfortable in a minute.”

Kaidan hops off the bed and opens his overnight bag. He pulls a pair of black basketball shorts out and tosses them on the mattress.

“I...should change too.” Cal grabs a pair of short yellow shorts from his dresser. They’re his favorite. He tells himself not to stare as Kaidan’s jeans slide down his legs. How is Kaidan so easily able to make him feel this way?

He takes off his own pants and briefly wonders if rainbow tie-dye underwear is immature. But he shakes those thoughts from his head. Once they’re both redressed, Kaidan throws him a little smirk that makes his stomach do somersaults. He walks up to Shepard instead of returning to the bed then slips a hand behind his neck and kisses him.

It’s only been a few hours since the first time and Cal already can’t get enough of him. He isn’t sure what this means for them and he’s nervous and excited. But Kaidan will probably want to have a serious talk soon and that kind of scares him.

“You ready?” Kaidan asks.

He nods and grabs his phone. “I’m gonna take a picture for future reference.”

“Alright. Is this good?”

“Perfect. And you can talk. It’s gonna be a while before I draw your mouth.”

“Good to know. I’m excited. I can’t wait to see it.”

Cal picks up his pencil and stands at his desk. He admires the image before him one more time, knowing he’ll soon switch into ‘art mode.’


	11. Chapter 11

“So what’d you think of Ryan?” Shepard asks. He grimaces at the angle he draws Kaidan’s arm and fumbles for his eraser.

“He’s really nice. I kind of expected him to be more...I don’t know, sarcastic?”

Cal laughs. “He’s such a fuckin’ boy scout sometimes. I used to be a huge asshole before I met him. I mean, I still am but he and I balance each other out.”

“You’re not an asshole. Not really.” Kaidan smirks. “Do you...think he liked me? Did I make a good impression?”

He nods. “Oh yeah. I, uh, never really bring anyone over. ‘Cept Garrus or Wrex once in a while. But the way, we should all hang out sometime. You can invite Ashley, we’ll all do something.”

“She’s mentioned wanting to hang out with you.”

The conversation dies down as Cal starts focusing on some of the details. He stares hard at Kaidan and it makes the other teen a little self-conscious. But it’s fascinating to see Shepard like this--he’s usually such a slacker in class. When Cal takes a quick break to stretch his arms up, Kaidan decides to take a chance with what he’s been meaning to bring up.

“Hey, is it too soon to talk about...us?”

Cal grips his pencil harder and slowly looks at him. He knew this was coming, he knew, and yet... “Uh, no, if you want.”

“But do you? You sound nervous.”

He taps the pencil against his tablet a few times before putting it down. “Look,” he sighs. “If we...do this, I want you to understand--there will be rumors. People will talk, they already talk about me. And let’s be real a sec, I’m the school slut. I...I need to know that you’re okay with that.”

“As long as it’s in the past, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t care what people say either. Let them talk. They’re the ones missing out if they don’t want to get to know you.”

“I’ve never...dated before. But I do want this.” Shepard is uncomfortable with this conversation but he wants to make sure Kaidan understands what being with him means.

“Me too. We’ll make this work, okay?”

“Okay.”

He picks up his pencil again to get back to work. The outline is almost done, he just needs to draw Kaidan’s hands and fix his hair. As his own hand moves over the paper, he thinks about what colors to use. He decides to be realistic instead of using a specific palette. He knows he’s being cheesy but he doesn’t want to distract from Kaidan’s...natural beauty with loud colors.

His eyes dart up and down as he compares the finished sketch to Kaidan’s actual form. They’ve already taken a break earlier but he knows Kaidan’s probably dying to get up again. “I think it’s done. Want to look?”

“Of course,” he says and quickly hops off the bed. His jaw drops a little as he stares at himself. He’s sitting on the bed with legs cross, hands in his lap. His face is turned just so and he has a small smile on his face. “Damn, Cal. You’re so talented, you know that?”

He tries not to grin like an idiot, he’s been nervous Kaidan would hate it. “Thanks. I think that’s good for tonight. I appreciate this, I know sitting still like that isn’t the greatest.”

“It’s no problem. Seriously.”

They move his desk back to its proper place and Shepard returns his pencils to their box. He’s not sure what to do now. He doesn’t want Kaidan to be bored.

“Are you, uh, hungry?” he hears.

“I could eat,” Cal says. He opens the bedroom door and Kaidan follows him through the hall and to the kitchen. Ryan isn’t around but he sees his bedroom light on and wonders if he’s making himself scarce for their sake. Shepard frowns. He doesn’t need to do that. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Hm, I dunno.”

“We could...let’s see...bake cookies?” Cal suggests.

“Okay. I like baking.”

“Ew, you do?”

“Haha, I take it you don’t?”

“Not...particularly? Things never turn out right.” But even as he speaks, he digs around in the cupboards to find the appropriate ingredients.

“Ha, well, you can’t be perfect at everything. Now I can teach you something.”

Cal smirks. “Alright. You’re in charge. Teach me your ways,” he says, watching Kaidan already pull everything towards him.


	12. Chapter 12

“You did that on purpose!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Shepard lies as he spoons cookie dough onto a baking sheet.

“Don’t try to play innocent. It’s not your strength,” Kaidan says.

“Ha, that’s true.” He glances over as Kaidan grabs another spoon and starts helping him. His gray shirt is covered in flour hand prints thanks to Cal.

He grabs the tray and bumps Shepard’s hip as he walks across the kitchen to place it in the oven. “We’ll check them in ten minutes.”

“I think Ryan bought some ice cream the other day. That goes well with cookies, yeah?”

“I don’t think there’s any rules.” He watches Cal gather the dirty dishes and put them in the sink. “Those ares some...nice shorts.”

Shepard smirks to himself and turns around. “You’re only now noticing? I’m losing my touch.”

He shakes his head. “I did notice earlier but you were in art mode and there was no way I was breaking that concentration.” He reaches out to grab Cal’s shirt and tug him closer. “But now that we’re out here...”

Kaidan kisses him and he loves it. But it doesn’t last long.

“Sorry to interrupt but I’m dying of thirst,” Ryan announces as he enters the kitchen.

The pair pulls back from each other. Cal doesn’t care--Ryan has accidentally seen worse--but Kaidan seems a bit embarrassed.

“Uh, I should go change my shirt. You better not dirty the other one up.”

“No promises!” Shepard calls as he disappears into the hall.

“Sorry,” Ryan apologizes again as he opens the fridge.

“You don’t have to apologize for being in your own apartment.”

“Hey now, this is your home too.” He grabs a bottle of water and turns towards his friend. “So what’s the story with you two?”

“We’re...gonna try this whole dating thing out. I’m so nervous.”

“That’s natural, you’ve never had a boyfriend before. But I can see how much you guys like each other. Just make sure you two communicate. You’ll do fine.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. We’ve already had a bit of a falling out.”

“You did?”

“Last weekend, when I went to his house. We went out to lunch and...ran into Finch.”

A look of concern washes over Ryan’s face. “What happened? Did he give you any trouble?”

“He told Kay I was in the Reds. I got embarrassed and left and then refused to talk to him for days.”

“Why?”

“Shame and embarrassment. I ditched school Monday and Tuesday and did a couple jobs for the Reds.” He stares down at the tiled floor, scared to look at Ryan.

“Cal...”

“I know, I know. I’m a-” But he’s cut off when arms wrap around him. “Those two days were it though,” he blurts into Ryan’s shoulder. “I promise. I’m sorry, I-I-”

“Shh. It’s okay. You’ve been doing really well these last few months. It’s okay.”

His hands grab at Ryan tightly. He still feels guilty. “Kaidan found out and he still likes me.”

“Of course I like you.”

Shepard pulls away from his friend and laughs a bit. “Isn’t he great, Rye?”

“You’re a good kid, Kaidan,” he agrees. “Now I’ll get out of your guys’ hair.”

“You don’t want to help us eat cookies?” Kaidan says.

“Yeah, we have too many,” Cal adds.

Ryan says he doesn’t want to impose but the two teens insist that he isn’t. It’s late but that doesn’t stop the three of them from taking their snacks to the couch and playing video games for a bit. This entire night has Shepard feeling normal for the first time in a long while.


	13. Chapter 13

Shepard grimaces as a sliver of sunlight pierces through his curtains and directly onto his face. He barely cracks his eyes open before turning his head. But then he smiles when he sees Kaidan a short distance away, still fast asleep. His bed is big enough for two people but he still offered to take the floor if Kaidan wanted. Obviously, he hadn’t wanted.

He yawns and gropes the nightstand for his phone. Eleven am. He’s still tired, they went to sleep pretty late, but sits up anyways.

Kaidan finally stirs and stretches while mumbling a ‘morning’ to Cal. “I need coffee,” he groans.

“I’m sure Ryan’s made some by now.”

Ten minutes later, the pair is sitting on the couch with mugs in hand. Ryan’s up too, though he’s sitting at the table and working on his laptop. “What are you two up to today?” he asks.

“Cal needs to finish his drawing,” Kaidan says. “And then my mom wants me home by the afternoon.”

“If you want, I can just use the picture I took,” Shepard tells him. “If you’re tired of sitting.”

“Do you haven a preference?”

“Well...no...”

“He’d prefer a live model over a picture,” Ryan interjects.

“Hey-”

“Ha, it’s okay, Cal. I want to watch you paint.”

Later on, they’re back in Shepard’s room. An old cut down sheet is tossed over his desk surface, the corners of the paper are taped to his drawing board, paint tubes and water are laid out as he decides what to mix first. “Let’s get your skin tone down.” He’s surprised by how fascinated Kaidan seems by the whole process. At first, he thought the other teen was just humoring him but Shepard’s pretty sure Kaidan’s interest is genuine.

“How do you know what colors to mix?” Kaidan asks as Shepard tries to mimic the right hue.

“I’ve been doing this for years, so I kinda already know how much to add to get what I want. You get a feel for what works together.”

“Painting seems so hard...and you said you liked this?”

“It’s kind of my preference. Though I do go through phases where I’m like ‘goddamn, I fucking hate painting forever.’”

“Have you ever thought about art school?”

Shepard chews on his lip a bit. “Ryan and my art teacher bug me about it sometimes. But that’s not for me.” Talking about it gives him anxiety. Cal used to think he’d never live past seventeen. Now planning for the future scares him because he has no idea what a person like him is supposed to do. “Here, I’m ready to start. Do you remember how you were sitting?”

“Uh-huh.” He situates himself on the bed. “Like this, right?”

He compares him to the picture. “Yep, perfect.” He grabs one of his brushes and dips it in a paint puddle. His anxiety melts away with the first strokes against the page and he slips back into that ‘art mode’ that provides him safety and comfort.

~~~~~

Shepard isn’t able to finish. He takes another picture before they grab lunch and then Kaidan drops Cal back at home. They’ll see each other on Monday. He hopes no one says anything negative to Kaidan about dating him once they hold hands or kiss on campus. He can take it when stuck up students talk about him but if he hears anything about his new boyfriend (that word still surprises him), he’ll punch someone. And he’s pretty sure a fist fight won’t be good for him or his grades right now.

Later in the afternoon, he gets a phone call from his best friend. Garrus asks him if he wants to go to a party.

“You know, since you stood me up last night,” he says.

“Fuck off,” Cal says with no real bite. “Kay and I had plans first. I wanna finish my thing for class and then you can pick me up.”

“Hurry up, I wanna hang out with you before it starts.”

“Goddamn, you’re so clingy. You’re lucky I like you,” he teases. “Besides you’re the one who wants me to be a nerd.”

“Partial nerd. Just enough to graduate. Is it drawing? Every time I call you, you’re working on something for art.”

“I can’t help it’s my favorite. I’ll call you back later.”

“Fine. If you don’t, I’ll be over first thing tomorrow morning so we can go on a run.”

“Okay, okay. No need for threats. Bye.”

“See ya.”

He throws his phone onto the mattress, panicking a moment when it almost bounces against the wall. Then he stretches his wrists before getting back to work. He tries not to think about the other homework he needs to do tomorrow.

Hours later, Cal’s lying on his bed as the vent blows cold air on him. Ryan’s out, probably with friends or something on a Saturday, so he has the apartment to himself until he decides to hit up Garrus. He’s mostly done with his painting--some more details are needed but he’ll do that tomorrow. Cal loves how it’s turning out and he’s excited to show Kaidan the finished product. But he’ll wait until Monday to show him in person.

He sits up and scratches at his messy hair. He needs to shower and pick a cute outfit for tonight, in case he meets a guy who-

Oh. Wait.

He can’t do that sort of thing now that he’s with someone. That will take some getting used to but he _will_ get used to it.

“I’m not gonna fuck this up, Kay,” he whispers. “I promise.”


	14. Chapter 14

Cal sits alone on a bench near the quad. It’s Monday morning before his first class and he’s waiting for Kaidan to arrive. He’s already text him that he wants to meet up before art so he can show him the painting. It and his tablet sit in his case beside him. He pretends to play on his phone as he waits but he keeps glancing up at other students.

“Cal!”

He turns to see Kaidan walking towards him and he immediately starts unzipping his case, completely forgetting in his excitement to actually greet the other teen. “Give me your honest opinion,” he says but what he means is ‘I’m terrified you’ll hate it and hate my art and hate me.’

Kaidan watches with eager eyes as Shepard finally pulls out his paper. He holds it up and after a moment turns it towards him.

Cal sees his eyes widen and his jaw drop completely and he wonders if it’s a good or bad reaction. Just as he starts thinking he’s botched it up, Kaidan says (rather loudly), “Cal, this is fucking great!”

“Really? You like it?”

“Oh my god, yes. I can’t believe you were able to do that with paint.”

“I just...wanted to do you justice.” He’s pleasantly surprised when Kaidan suddenly grabs him by the shoulders and kisses him right there in the open. He feels Kaidan’s hand brush his cheek before pulling back, a grin on his face.

“I think you did more than that.”

They ignore the nearby people looking at them. The bell rings and Shepard puts his things away. Their classes are on opposite side of campus.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Kaidan says. “Good job on that. Seriously.”

“Thanks. It means a lot that you like it.”

A couple minutes later, Shepard is walking alone to class. The door’s propped open and he wastes no time going in and plopping down behind Wrex.

“Shepard!” he bellows. “Where were you Friday night?”

“Doing homework, hanging out with my boyfriend. Gay stuff like that,” he says with a smirk.

“You? Boyfriend? Ha!”

“I’m serious! Me and Kaidan Alenko.”

“Well, damn, who’d have thought? But what I can’t believe is that you spent a perfectly good weekend doing homework.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Hey, let me know if anyone talks badly about me and Kay so I can bop ‘em in the throat.”

“Haha, I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to see that.”

The final bell rings and the teacher hushes the class. Shepard doesn't look forward to government but he does his best to pay attention when he’s not distracted by Wrex’s jokes and comments.

~~~~~

“Shepard, this is...incredible.”

He doesn’t quite know what to say as his teacher takes his painting. Only a few other kids are in class and he can feel their curious gazes.

“Who is this?” she asks.

“My boyfriend.”

She smiles. “Can I hang this up on the front board?”

“You think it’s that good?”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You know you have talent and that you work hard.”

“Uh yeah. You can hang it up.”

“Great. Don’t worry, this makes up for the last two projects.”

“Thank you.”

He grins to himself as he sits down. This is the best he’s felt in a long time. He’ll tell Kaidan when he sees him in physics but he gets out his phone to text Ryan about his teacher’s reaction.

‘Of course she loved it!’ he writes back. ‘I’m proud of you, Cal.’

He reads the text a couple times before pocketing his phone and setting up his station to prepare for this week’s lesson.


	15. Chapter 15

“Mom, can I borrow the car tomorrow? I’m going out.”

Evelyn raises an eyebrow at her son. “With who?” she asks expectantly.

“Ash, Cal, and his friend Garrus. We’re going paintballing.”

“You’ve been hanging out with this Cal a lot.”

“Ah yeah...well...because we’re dating.”

“You have a boyfriend and you haven’t told me or your dad? Tsk, Kaid.”

He grins sheepishly. “It’s still a new thing.”

“You already know what I’m going to say.”

“When?” he sighs.

“What time are you going tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, in the afternoon.”

“Perfect, tell him to come over for brunch.”

“Uhhh, okay. What time?”

“Eleven.”

“I’ll let him know.”

“Tell me about him. All I know is that he lives with a roommate and he goes to your school. Where do his parents live?”

Kaidan had wanted to hold off on this conversation for a while. He’s not embarrassed of Cal at all but he isn’t sure how his parents will react to certain...things. “He doesn’t have parents,” he explains. “They gave him up when he was a baby and he was in and out of foster care when he was younger. Now that he’s eighteen, he lives with his best friend. Cal’s an artist. A really, really good one.”

“Is he going to go to college for that?”

“Um, I don’t know. I don’t think he wants to.”

“What are his plans after graduation?”

“I...don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it.”

“Does he know that you’re applying to schools this month?”

“...Sort of.” He’s growing more uncomfortable. “Um. I have homework to do. I don’t want to leave it all for Sunday.”

“Alright. And yes, you can use the car tomorrow.”

He goes to his room and grabs his phone on the desk. He isn’t sure if Cal wants to meet his parents yet but Kaidan knows they’ll only push more now that they know he’s dating someone.

~~~~~

Shepard groans and tosses himself into the grass. He’s able to walk off his fall but his friends laugh at him since his board isn’t as fortunate.

“We’ve been here like ten minutes and you already managed to snap your tail off!”

He lazily flips them off. “Garrus, let me borrow yours.”

“No way,” he calls out, walking over to where their stuff is so he can grab a water bottle. He sits on the cement then looks at Shepard’s things. “Hey, your phone’s blinking.”

He grunts but rolls over and starts crawling. His hip and elbow hurt but it’s nothing serious. He’s certainly endured worse. The rest of his friends are already focused on other things, like the new person trying to jump the ledge Shepard fucked up.

“You sure you’re alright?” Garrus asks as he sits next to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” And then a second later, “Oh, fuck me.”

“Isn’t that Kaidan’s job?”

He ignores him and says, “His parents wanna meet me tomorrow before we go paintballing.”

“Haven’t you been to his house before?”

“Yeah, but they were at work or whatever. Wow, I really don’t want to go.”

“Just say you can’t.”

“‘They really want to meet my boyfriend.’ Yeah, don’t think I can wiggle my way out of this one.”

‘Oh, ok,’ he texts back. ‘What time?’

‘Eleven.’

He huffs dramatically and Garrus laughs.

“Don’t you think you’re exaggerating?”

“No. His parents won’t like me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Your parents don’t like me.”

“My parents don’t even like each other,” Garrus sighs. “They’re a bad example. Come on, get up before you start overthinking things.”

“...Can I borrow your board?”

“Ugh, fine. But if you snap it, you’re buying me a new one.”

Cal just smirks, then hops up faster than Garrus had thought him capable of and runs off with his board.


	16. Chapter 16

“Thanks for driving me. I’d hate to get there and be all sweaty,” Shepard says.

“Of course,” Ryan says as he turns a corner. “You’ll be fine.”

“I’m so nervous,” he whispers.

“You’re a good kid. How can they not love you?”

“You’re biased.”

“No, I’m speaking from experience.” The blonde parks along the curb and turns to his friend. “Love you, Cal.”

He smiles down at his hands. “Love you too.”

Ryan lightly squeezes his shoulder. “You should get going. Am I seeing you tonight?”

“Mm, yeah. Probably. See ya.”

“Bye. Good luck.”

Shepard nervously walks up the driveway. Of all the things he’s done in his life, he feels absurd that _this_ is what frightens him. He rings the doorbell and hopes Kaidan answers.

He lucks out.

“Hey,” Kaidan greets and beckons him inside.

“Morning,” he says and grins when Kaidan kisses his cheek.

“My parents are in the kitchen. They’re excited to meet you.”

It takes Shepard a moment to get his legs moving and his boyfriend notices.

“You okay?” he asks quietly.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Y’know, I’ve been one chain link fence away from getting arrested but this is what gets me anxious. Kinda funny.”

“Heh, yeah. Maybe don’t mention that in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

But he guesses they’re taking too long because Kaidan's parents emerge from the dining room.

“Hi, Cal. Good to meet you! I’m Evelyn.” He shakes her hand then Kaidan’s dad’s as he introduces himself as Thomas. The four of them go into the living room, where food is already out on the table.

“I...hope I’m not late,” Shepard says as he looks around, now unsure if he read the time correctly.

“Not at all. Right on time,” he’s told.

They talk to Cal a bit as they finish setting up. But it’s not until they all sit down and eat for a few minutes that they start asking more questions.

“Kaid said you met in physics. Are you taking any other classes together?” Evelyn asks.

“Oh, nah,” Cal starts before he can stop himself. “He’s actually smart. Physics is the only advanced class I’m in. Even in math, he’s taking calculus but I’m stuck in geometry.”

“He sells himself short,” Kaidan interjects. “His counselor made an exception since she knows he’s good at science. Most people have to be in algebra II or higher. And his art! He’s so talented. That’s his favorite class.”

“So we’ve heard. Are you considering any art schools next year?”

Their son holds back a glare. They already know that answer.

“Oh, um, not really. I...don’t really want to go to...college. And...it’s so expensive. My friend at home brings it up too but...” His eyes widen a little. “Kay mentioned that he told you I live with a roommate.”

“Yes, he did. Do...they go to school with you?”

“No, he’s older. Got his bachelors last year.”

“And you two met...?”

Shepard glances at Kaidan for help. His brain isn’t functioning correctly and has totally stalled. He’s never needed to lie about how he and Ryan met. A rival gang was beating his ass, Ryan intervened and saved him--he rather likes how it played out.

“Cal used to take a couple classes at the college during the summer. To make up credit for math,” Kaidan lies. “They met there.”

Shepard knows his parents don’t believe it and he wants to disappear into the floor. He doesn’t need even more people judging him and his choices. His tongue feels like lead. Why can’t he just spit out lies? He used to do it all the time, the Reds had ensured he perfected the ability. Why the fuck hadn’t he thought to prepare a story for these people? Of course they’re asking questions, of course they want details about the guy their son is dating.

He needs a fucking drink.

The conversation awkwardly continues for a little longer, until Kaidan says they should probably get going. “Ash is gonna start texting me twenty times in a row. We can get the dishes-”

“No, it’s fine. Leave them. Your dad and I will clean up.”

“Um, c-can you tell me where the bathroom is?” Cal asks. He needs a minute alone to gather himself.

Kaidan’s about to stand up and walk him over but Thomas interrupts. “Just through the hall over there. First door on the left.”

“Thanks.”

Kaidan watches his boyfriend practically bolt from the table. Once he hears the door close, he speaks. “You two are making him uncomfortable.”

“By asking him simple questions?” his dad says. “Kaid, are you...sure about him?”

“What do you mean? You don’t even know him. It’s not his fault he’s had a rough life. He’s doing the best he can.”

His parents exchange a look but then Evelyn says, “Okay. Have fun. We’ll see you tonight.”

Kaidan stands from his chair when Shepard reenters the room. “Come on, let’s head out.”

Shepard rattles off something like ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘thanks for breakfast’ before following Kaidan outside. He’s deep in thought, not paying attention at all and jumping when a hand touches him. “Kay...”

He says nothing, just wraps Cal up in his arms.

“They hate me. And they don’t even know I’m in the fuckin’ Reds,” he half-laughs.

“They just need time to actually get to know you,” he whispers. “Don’t worry, they’ll come around.”

Shepard lets his eyes close as a hand brushes through his hair. “Do you really think so?” he eventually murmurs. “Usually I wouldn’t care, but they’re your parents.”

“I do think so.” He continues playing with Cal's hair and when he glances up at his house, he wonders if he just imagined the curtains moving slightly.


	17. Chapter 17

“Are you sure you’re alright? If...you’re not up for today...” Kaidan says.

“I’m fine,” Cal tells him. “I’ve been looking forward to this for days.”

“Okay. So have I. Just wanted to make sure...”

“I mean, I wish meeting your parents had gone better but you said they’d come around eventually, right? So I’m not too worried about it. Let’s just go have fun and kick a bunch of strangers’ asses at paintball.”

Kaidan bites his lip but then grins. “I’m excited to see you in action.”

Cal smirks, ready to say something else, when a bang on the window interrupts. A moment later, Ashley is climbing in the backseat of the car.

“Took you long enough!” Kaidan teases. “I’ll be out in a _minute_.”

“You’re the one who came early,” she says. She looks at the other teen. “Hey, Shepard. Or can I call you Cal?”

“That’s fine. It is my name,” he laughs.

“Yeah. Don’t know if that’s reserved for Kaidan though.” She buckles her seatbelt as Kaidan pulls away from the curb. “We have to pick up your friend now, right?”

“Yeah, Garrus. Do you know him?”

“Know of him from when Kaidan ran track.”

“He’s a good guy. More polite than most of my friends. Though...maybe that’s not saying much. Ahem. Anyways.”

This is the first time Shepard and Ashley have held a conversation outside of school. Cal notices how relaxed and comfortable Kaidan is around her and he finds her easy to get along with as well. They team up and tease Kaidan during the drive to Garrus’ and Shepard feels his discomfort from the morning slipping away.

As they turn down the final street, Shepard grabs his phone and calls his friend. “Get your ass outside!” is all he says before hanging up.

“How long have you and Garrus been friends?” Ashley asks.

“Huh. Good question. We met in fourth grade. Our classes were playing kickball together. We teamed up and started pegging kids we didn’t like with the ball. Got sent to the principal’s office.”

“Your stories are always so sweet,” Kaidan says.

“What can I say? I’m a classy guy. Besides, stuff like that builds bonds, man. Case in point with Ryan.” The door behind him opens and Garrus climbs in.

“Good to see you,” he says, ruffling Cal’s hair from behind as he sits down.

“Garrus, you know Ash, yeah?”

“Uh-huh. Sup.”

“Hey man,” she greets. “Now let’s go, I wanna shoot people with tiny balls of paint!”

~~~~~

Shepard grumbles as he dives behind a bale of hay. His team voted him captain despite his protests--always the reluctant leader. This is probably going to be their last game for the day. He’s starting to get tired. At least it’s October, which means the weather isn’t too hot. Kaidan and another guy have already scouted ahead and were able to take a few people out before getting splattered themselves.

He keeps his head down as he hears shots fired and then he sees someone shimmy to the hay stack next to him.

“Some noob’s hiding out in the ditch to our left,” Ashley tells him quietly. “Gimme some cover fire and I can make my way over there. Once I take him out, that’ll give us a chance to move in on their base.”

“See, you should’ve been team captain,” he says as he readies himself. He peeks out from the side of the hay for a few moments before ducking back. “Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Ash is able to make it to the ditch and eliminate the player in hiding. Shepard’s unable to see where she disappears to but he has to concentrate on making it to new cover now that everyone knows where he is. They’re almost to the other team’s base, where they can capture their flag and bring it back to their side of the field.

A few minutes pass and their teammates behind close in. Cal gets shot while running but the paintball doesn’t shatter on him and he escapes while someone else handles the shooter.

It’s Ashley who eventually sneaks in and grabs the other team’s flag, Shepard keeps his eye on her and their opponents to ensure she returns to their side of the field without issue. As she crosses, he notices another girl sneaking through the brush. He leaps out of his hiding spot and presses the trigger, distracting the girl and every other opposition player.

Shepard is left splattered with a ton of paint but Ashley runs to their base, ending the game. The others on the sideline cheer and Kaidan laughs as Cal approaches

“A noble sacrifice!” Ashley calls.

“Anything for my team,” he says then feels Kaidan throw an arm around his shoulders.

“You have pretty good aim,” Kaidan says. “Guess it’s no surprise you’re good with your hands.”

He smirks. “You should know that better than anyone now.”

Just as he’s going to respond, Garrus runs up behind the couple and clasps a hand on each of their shoulders.

“Hey, lovebirds, I dunno about you but I’m starved.”

“Same, let’s grab some lunch.”

Half an hour later, they’re sitting in a restaurant everyone agrees upon. The waiter has already brought drinks and taken their order. The group talks about movies for a little bit before Garrus wanders off to look for the bathroom.

“That’s a good idea, I drank too much water earlier,” Ashley says before getting up.

Shepard swallows a huge gulp of soda. “Hey,” he says to Kaidan. “Do you wanna spend the night? I was thinking of inviting Garrus too. You can ask Ash if she wants.”

“Yeah, definitely. Let me call my parents and tell them.”

Since Cal’s sitting right next to him in the booth, he’s able to hear Evelyn’s voice on the other side.

“Hi, Mom. Cal asked if I wanted to spend the night so-”

“No.”

“...What?”

“No, Kaidan. Not tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Are you still with him? We’ll talk about it later.”

“But I have before and-”

“Kaidan, we don’t want you sleeping over there with him and that older friend of his. We have no idea who that man is or even who Cal is or what trouble he’ll get you into. Now we will talk about this later.”

“Fine. Bye.” He hangs up and hesitates to meet Shepard’s eyes. “Did you...hear that?”

“Yeah,” he mutters.

Garrus comes back, Ashley trailing shortly after. “Everything okay?” she asks.

“Uh-huh,” Shepard lies. “Was just telling Kay that I need a smoke. I’ll be back.”

He slides out of the booth and ignores the look Kaidan sends his way. He goes outside and walks around the corner to the shady side of the building. He puts a cigarette in his mouth and fumbles with his lighter. Shepard stands there for half a second then yanks his phone from his pocket. He calls the one person who will understand him.

“Hello?” Ryan answers a few rings later.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey, what’s up? Aren’t you supposed to be with your friends?”

“I came out for a cigarette.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I asked Kaidan if he wanted to spend the night. We were gonna invite Garrus and Ash too. But he called his mom and...she told him no. She said they’d talk about it later but they don’t want him sleeping over with me because I’ll get him into trouble and because they don’t know you, just that you’re older. Meeting them went...god, it went so bad, Rye. I know they think I’m just some loser. I could feel them fucking judging me. I-I-”

“Cal...do you want me to come get you?”

“Yeah. Uh, no. No, I can’t just leave. It’ll look weird. I should go back in, we’re eating right now. I’m gonna tell Kaidan to take me home after that.”

“Alright, I’ll be back by the time you get there. Just remember whatever negative things they think about you are wrong.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in a few. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He stubs out the cigarette he’s barely touched before heading back in. Their food comes out shortly after. He knows Kaidan is subtly trying to catch his gaze so he swallows his feelings and cracks jokes with the others like nothing.


	18. Chapter 18

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Kaidan asks. He’s walking Cal to his door, Garrus and Ashley are still in the car.

“I’m fine, promise. I really do have a lot of junk to catch up on.”

“Okay, call me later if you want.”

“I will. Today was fun, with the four of us.”

“It was. We’ll have to do something again soon.”

Shepard smiles at him before sticking his fingers through the belt loops of Kaidan’s pants and yanking him closer. He kisses Kaidan hard and the other boy responds by pushing him up against the front door. Cal revels in the feel before they both hear whooping from the car. Kaidan laughs against his mouth a bit, not pulling away for another few seconds.

“I’ll see you later,” he says, hand lightly rubbing against Cal’s side.

“See ya.” He watches Kaidan start to walk back then chances opening the front door. It’s already unlocked. With a soft sigh, he goes into the apartment and leans against the wall for a minute.

“Cal?” he hears.

“Yeah,” he says and drags himself into the living room.

Ryan’s on the couch and he mutes the television when Shepard appears. “You wanna talk?” he asks.

He shakes his head but sits right next to Ryan. Cal doesn’t say a word but then tears gather in his eyes and he starts crying. Ryan wraps his arms around him.

“I’m trying,” Cal says, voice cracking. “But it’s never good enough, nothing is...I-I’m...”

“Shhh,” Ryan says gently. “Yes, you are trying. Very hard. I know that. You know that. These people don’t know you, Cal.”

“What if they’re right? I’m just trouble. Kaidan’ll see that. Why am I trying to run from the Reds? That’s all I’m good for, that’s all I’ll ever fucking be.” He tries to curl into himself but gives up and tries to hide inside Ryan’s embrace instead.

“You know that’s not true. You know that. You are so much more than just ‘some punk in the Reds.’ I never turned you away...why would Kaidan? Why are you?”

Shepard doesn’t answer, just breathes shakily and continues to cry. “It’s like my parents knew what their son would grow up to be. No wonder they abandoned me.”

“I know it’s not the same and that I’m not your parent, but I will never ever leave you. I swear it.” He feels Cal’s hand clutch onto him like a lifeline. “Please, please don’t go back to the Reds. I’ve always given you space where they’re concerned...but I’m begging you, Cal. I’m so incredibly proud of how far you’ve come these last few years and I wish you’d give yourself some credit. You talked to those people for an hour at most, they don’t know you.”

Cal doesn’t say anything in response but he doesn’t pull away either. He listens to Ryan continue to talk, closing his eyes and trying to believe what he’s saying.

“I used to be so proud of being in the Reds,” he whispers. “I always wore tank tops so people could see my stupid tattoo. They were my entire life. I’m so good at stealing and fighting and...”

“But those aren’t the only things you’re good at. You’ve changed a lot since that first time I ran into you.”

“Heh, it’s your fault.”

“I’d love to take the ‘blame’ for that but you wanted it and you did what you needed to.”

“Well, you helped--are still helping. I...I don’t know why I’m so upset over what two fucking strangers think of me.”

“Because you’re scared and that’s normal. This is all new to you. But you’re doing fine, okay? And...has Kaidan done anything? To upset you?”

“No, he’s been great.”

“Good, just try to remember that when you’re feeling bad.”

“I’ll try.” Cal waits a while before he finally sits up. “Thank you, Rye...”

“Anytime. I’m always here for you. How you feeling?”

He shrugs. “I’ll be okay.”

“Want to do something? We can draw together.”

He nods eagerly. “Let me get my stuff.”

He smiles a bit as Cal goes to his room, sometimes he’s a little predictable.


	19. Chapter 19

“You sure you don’t want me to take you to school? I can go in a few minutes late today,” Ryan says.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll ride my skateboard, it’s not hot out” Cal tells him as he shovels cereal into his mouth.

“You feeling alright? Did you talk to Kaidan last night?”

“Yeah, I called him. He knows something’s up but I just...don’t want to get into it. He’ll get mad at his parents or something...”

“But if he knows something’s wrong, do you think it’s a good idea to keep it from him? Shutting him out might hurt his feelings.”

Cal frowns at his reflection in his spoon. “I’d rather talk about it in person anyways.”

“You know, I was thinking, maybe I should meet his parents? It might ease some of their concerns about your ‘older friend.’”

“Yeah...you’re a fucking saint, they’d have to see that. I’ll tell him. Thanks.”

“Of course. If you’re sure you don’t want a ride then I’m gonna head out.”

“Alright, see you tonight.”

“Bye.”

Shepard finishes his cereal alone then grabs his skateboard and backpack from his room. He isn’t feeling completely better from his minor breakdown on Saturday but spending time with Ryan had helped immensely. He’s still nervous about seeing Kaidan, he knows something’s wrong with Cal. He hesitated to bring it up when they were on the phone but Kaidan probably won’t be as quiet in person.

As he leaves his room, he sees one of his hats on the floor and puts it on. It matches the color of his red dagger tattoo. He locks the apartment up then jumps on his board to head to school.

Shepard arrives just as the first bell rings. He rolls through campus to get to government, shooting Kaidan a text that he’ll see him before art.

“Another weekend you’ve been distant, you asshole!” Wrex says as Shepard takes his usual seat behind him.

“Aw, come on, Wrex. You know I love you, it’s not my fault you’re somewhat straight,” he teases.

“I’ve gone gay for you and you know that. But that’s not what I mean and you know that too. I’m having a party this Saturday. You’re coming.”

“Oh, baby. That’s what you said back then too.”

Laughter rumbles from his chest and then he says, “Saturday. Bring your boyfriend.”

“Mm, I don’t know. I...”

“Trouble already?”

“His parents. I met them over the weekend. It...didn’t go that great.”

“Whatever, he can lie.”

“We’ll see. I promise I’ll be there though.”

Their teacher clears her throat and gets their attention. “Class has started, boys.”

Wrex rolls his eyes and turns around while Cal gets out his notebook to start doodling.

~~~~~

There’s a fifteen minute break before third period starts. Shepard sits by the two trees in the middle of campus to wait for Kaidan. Despite feeling nervous about the conversation he knows is coming, a smile blooms on his face when he sees his boyfriend approach. Kaidan sits down then kisses him. Shepard lets his eyes close until he hears murmuring nearby. When they pull back, Cal makes direct eye contact with a small group by the building and licks his lips. He winks before grabbing Kaidan’s hand and turning back towards him.

“They’re walking away,” Kaidan chuckles.

“They’re jealous my boyfriend’s hotter than them.”

He smiles in response. “So, ah, how’ve you been?”

“Since yesterday? Fine. Wrex wants you and me to go to his party on Saturday.”

“I...don’t know. I might be grounded still.”

“Grounded? Is it because of me? I thought you said you didn’t fight with them.”

“I may have downplayed it. I thought they’d just sort of forget about it but then we talked again after you and I hung up.”

Cal frowns and stares down at his lap.

“They just don’t know you,” Kaidan reassures, “and I’m super defensive of you because well, I know how damn great you are.”

“They’ll never come around.”

“It’s just...do you remember what you said when you came in? About almost getting arrested? They heard that.”

“You didn’t tell them I was in the Reds, did you?”

“No, of course not.”

“Ryan offered to meet them, to see if he could ease their concerns.”

“Really? I”ll bring it up to them. Maybe not today but tomorrow or something. If they could just see you and Ryan together, I think that’d help.”

“Are you banned from seeing me?”

“Heh, I’m banned from doing anything right now. But I’m not fourteen anymore, ya know? Harder to keep track of me, I’ll just lie if I need to then drive to your place. Pretty sure they realize that.” When Shepard doesn’t respond, he adds, “Are you okay?”

He’s about to say yes and change the subject but thinks about what Ryan told him, about not shutting Kaidan out. “...I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life. But I-I’m trying to do better now. We’re dating, and I want to be...a good boyfriend to you, but this is something I’ve been working on for a while now. For me. Because I want more for myself. And your parents...I just...goddamn it.”

“It’s okay, take your time.”

“It’s hard. Everything seems so daunting. And they judged me so quickly. Like everyone does. Sometimes...it feels like I’ll never be anything other than some asshole in a gang. Like I’m trying to run from something that I can’t--that I shouldn’t be trying to--escape.”

“But deep down you know that isn’t true. You wouldn’t be trying so hard then. And...you’re succeeding, yeah? You’ll be back on track to graduate soon, you’ve barely done anymore jobs for the Reds, you’ve cut out the bad crowds you ran with. Do you feel better? These days, I mean. Compared to the past?”

“The thing is--I used to enjoy my time with the Reds. I’m good at it. But Ryan. He changed things. He gave me a different way to look at stuff. And that eventually took the fun out of it. So am I happier now than I was back then? I guess it depends. But I don’t want to go back to that time. I was a different person, Kay. It hurts sometimes that everyone here is scared of me, looks down on me, starts rumors about me, but honestly I know where all that comes from.”

“But they’re wrong. People change, it’s not fair to still view you that way.”

He shrugs. “It hurts but it doesn’t matter. I still have a decent group of friends, I’ve had Garrus and Wrex for years, Ryan, and now I have you. That’s enough. I just wish things could be easy. Now you’re grounded because of me, I caused a rift between you and-”

“No. Don’t feel bad about that. I’ll fight for you, Cal. You’re worth it. And I know if they just meet Ryan and see that he’s not some boogeyman but actually a really great guy, they’ll start to understand. Okay? This doesn’t change anything between us.”

“You...promise?”

Kaidan looks surprised. “Yes, I promise. Is that what you’re worried about? That...they’ll make me break up with you? Because I’m an adult, they have no control-”

“That you’ll see that they’re right.”

“Cal...” Kaidan slowly grabs him and hugs him. “Cal. You’re worth it.”


	20. Chapter 20

When Ryan comes home on Wednesday, he finds Shepard at the kitchen table looking more bored than he’s ever seen him. “Uh, what are you working?” he asks. “Not art.”

He shakes his head, hair flopping with the movement. “Geometry. I have a D in that class. Figure I should try to bring it up.”

“Why do you sound like you’d rather die? You’re good at math.”

“But I hate geometry. It’s even worse taking it a second time around.” He sighs dramatically. “Oh, I stopped after school and got takeout. It’s in the fridge if you haven’t eaten.”

“Great, I’m starved.” As he serves himself a plate and warms it in the microwave, he asks Cal about his boyfriend.

“I think he was gonna bring up you meeting them today. But I haven’t heard from him since after class. You know Wrex wants me to bring him to his party on Saturday?”

Ryan raises an eyebrow at that and joins him at the table. “You going to?”

“I shouldn’t say this but I kinda hope he’s still grounded that night. I love Wrex and Grunt but...things get really rowdy at their place. Everyone’s gonna be drunk and loud. I just don’t know if that’s Kaidan’s...scene.”

“You two can always leave if it gets too rough. And who knows? Maybe he’ll have fun.”

“Yeah...maybe.”

A few minutes pass and Cal suddenly looks up from his math book. “Why are you so quiet?”

Ryan swallows a mouthful of rice before answering. “I was letting you concentrate on your homework. How much more do you have?”

“I’m almost done with this assignment. But then we have an essay in English due on Monday.”

“Have you started it?”

“No. The prompt’s really vague. ‘Describe your favorite place. Use at least one example of a simile, metaphor, personification, blah blah.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad. Better than a book report.”

“We’re starting a new book next week. I don’t know. I wanted to get some of it written before the weekend. I don’t wanna do it hungover the day before it’s due.”

“Because you won’t do it.”

“Exactly.” His phone vibrates loudly on the table and he sighs as he picks it up. “Oh, it’s Kaidan. His parents want to know if you can meet them this Friday.”

“Sure, anytime after six.”

When his phone vibrates again, Shepard says, “Okay. They invited us over for dinner at seven.”

“Alright. Nervous?”

He nods.

“It’ll be okay, Cal.”

“Yeah, I guess. Can’t get much worse.”

It’s not much longer before Ryan urges him to take a short break--his stomach growls loud enough for them both to hear. Ryan doesn’t know what brought on this sudden homework mood with Cal, he just hopes it’s the start of a new trend.

~~~~~

“I think tonight will go well.”

Cal raises an eyebrow at Kaidan, slowly rolling beside him on the sidewalk. It’s Friday afternoon and school’s been out for fifteen minutes. “You really think so?”

“Yeah. Ryan’s a good guy. They have to see that.”

“Are you still grounded?”

“Nah. If you want to go to that party tomorrow, I’ll just tell them I’m spending the night at Ash’s.”

“Will they believe you?”

He shrugs. “Not much they can do about it really. Unless they follow me. And that’s...unlikely.”

“Heh. Yeah, okay, we can go for a bit. Just promise to tell me if they’re a bit overwhelming? They can get obnoxious when they’re drunk.”

“I can handle myself. It’s not like I’ve never been to a party.”

“No, I know.” He falls silent at the slight annoyance hidden in Kaidan’s tone. They reach the street where they usually separate and stop. “I’ll, uh, see you tonight. Seven, right?”

“Yeah. It’ll go fine. At the very least, it’ll give us some time to spend together--I’m sure they’ll want to talk to Ryan alone at some point.”

“I’m not worried about it.”

“Fucking liar,” Kaidan laughs.

“I’ve never told a single lie in my life.”

“I do not believe you.”

Shepard smirks. “You should get going now. Before your parents call the cops on me for kidnapping you. I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye, Cal.”

He wastes little time skating across the street. He does worry how the evening will play out but his solution is to simply not think about it on his way home.


	21. Chapter 21

“Shepard!”

“Hi, Wrex,” Cal says when he answers his phone. He’s in his room, typing away on his laptop.

“What are you doing?”

“Working on an essay. Me and Ryan gotta go to Kaidan’s in a little bit.”

“That’s tonight, huh? Hey, did we have homework in government?”

“Do an outline for chapter seven. Where were you this morning?”

“Sleeping. You’re coming tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah. What time?”

“Eight. Both of you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I think he actually wants to go.”

“Of course he does! Who doesn’t want to hang out with your best friend Wrex?”

“Like at least half the school,” Shepard laughs. “Hey man, I should go. I was just about to hop in the shower and get ready.”

“Fine. See you tomorrow. And good luck with that junk later. His parents don’t know anything.”

“Thanks.”

He saves his essay, surprised that he managed to finish most of it in the last couple days. Ryan’s getting off from work in a bit and he wants to shower before that. He grabs a towel from the hall cupboard and goes into the bathroom.

By the time he’s done and drying his hair, he hears Ryan come through the front door. He hurries up and gets out, in case he wants to shower beforehand too.

As he sifts through his closet, he frowns at the meager selection. He finally finds one t-shirt that looks relatively new and a pair of shoes that aren’t too dirty. His usual pair of boots are quite literally falling apart. He waits in the living room after that, until Ryan announces it’s time to leave.

~~~~~

Shepard remains mostly quiet during dinner. He feels awkward--and angry--that he has to sit and be nice with people who don’t like him. His old self wants to come out, the one that would tell them to fuck off then storm out. But he holds his tongue.

‘For Kaidan,’ he thinks.

Ryan talks enough for both of them though so Cal only half-listens. The food is good at least. He helps himself to a second plate and dessert.

“Kaidan, why don’t you and Cal go upstairs for a bit?” Evelyn eventually suggests.

“Oh, okay.” The two teens put their dishes in the sink then Shepard follows his boyfriend up the stairs

“You’re quiet today,” Kaidan says once they’re in the privacy of his bedroom.

“Figured it was best to just let Ryan handle things down there.” He lets himself fall onto Kaidan’s perfectly made bed and purposely tries to ruffle it up. “Hey, which of your parents cooked?”

“They both did. They like cooking together. I guess I like it too.”

“It was good. I’m so full.”

“Hmm, I”ll have to cook dinner for you sometime soon.” He lies down next to Cal and they look up at the ceiling together, shoulder and arms touching, as they talk.


	22. Chapter 22

Shepard didn’t realize that he’d fall asleep. At first he thinks Kaidan’s waking him up, but then his eyes crack open and he sees three adults in the doorway. He jumps, old instincts telling him to get ready for a fight. His movements wake Kaidan too.

“What’s going on?” Cal asks, embarrassed to be caught like this by Kaidan’s parents.

“Sorry to startle you,” Ryan says. “You weren’t answering when we called. We’re gonna get going in a minute, okay?”

He nods, watching the three of them leave and wondering why they all came upstairs.

“I wonder how it went,” Kaidan says, now sitting next to him.

“I’m sure Ryan’ll let me know. Unless it went badly, then he’ll try to brush around it.”

“Either way, you’ll know.”

“True.” He scratches at his hair, seeing if any bits are sticking up. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Me either.” He suddenly wraps his arms around Shepard and brings him close.

“Am I your teddy bear now?” he laughs.

“Mhm.”

“Not that I mind. Y’know, Wrex’ll probably get us to try and spend the night over there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. But I was hoping we’d make it back to my place. Just, we haven’t really had any alone time lately.”

He nods against him. “I’d like that.”

Cal’s eyes start closing again and he almost thinks he can fall asleep sitting up. He’s caught off guard when Kaidan pushes him down onto the bed and kisses him. It leaves Cal feeling flustered, which is rare. He pulls back and stares down at Shepard with a grin. “I can’t wait for our alone time.”

Just as he starts to reply, Kaidan’s dad’s voice from downstairs breaks the mood.

“Kaid, Ryan and Cal need to get going!”

Kaidan sighs then moves so Shepard can sit up. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow. What time?”

“He wants us to be there by eight.”

Cal barely remembers going downstairs and thanking his parents and saying bye. He still feels bitter about having to be so fake with these people, but mostly he’s anxious to hear what Ryan has to say. His friend knows his feelings and doesn’t make him wait.

“It went okay.”

“Just okay?” Cal says, already feeling deflated.

“They had a lot of questions and I...tried to be as honest as possible. They asked a ton about my life, where I grew up, where I work now, that stuff.”

“And about me?”

“How we met, how you came under my care, your childhood.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything? I was an orphan, big fucking deal.”

“I think they just want to know you better and they know Kaidan isn’t going to tell them too much.”

“You didn’t mention the Reds, did you?”

“No, course not. I did tell them you were getting beat up by kids at school when we met. Didn’t mention anything about the Reds or rival gangs.”

“Do they still hate me?”

“They don’t hate you. They're just worried about their son, not that they should be.”

Cal feels like he’s just been kicked in the chest. Ryan frowns and pulls over on the side of a random street.

“I know they have nothing to worry about. Kaidan knows he has nothing to worry about. They’re complete strangers, Cal.”

“But they’re not. They’re his parents. And it’s different, y’know? Garrus’ parents can’t stand me but they barely stand him either. So I don’t care. But Kaidan has a real relationship with them. And I...just...”

“You can tell me what’s bothering you.”

He shakes his head. “Same stuff from the other day I guess.”

It breaks Ryan’s heart watching Cal go through this. He grabs his hand. “Give them time. Don’t let them ruin the time you spend with Kaidan. He cares deeply about you. You’ve had a hard life. And you’ve come a long way.” He can give another speech detailing just how far he’s come and all that but instead, “Cal, look at me.” Once he does, he continues. “You’re my best friend. I love you. Are you ready to go home?”

He looks at Ryan for a long moment then squeezes his hand and nods.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember you can hit me up at **gaycalshepard.tumblr.com**

“I thought you were going out.”

Cal briefly glances up from the video game he’s playing in the living room. “Later,” he tells Ryan.

“Uh, is everything al-”

But he’s interrupted by a loud, “Ha, fucker!” as Shepard finally saves and pauses his game.

“Kaidan’s picking me up in a while,” he explains now that he’s not preoccupied. “Telling his parents he’s spending the night at Ashley’s.”

“Heh, I’m sure they believe it.”

He shrugs. “No but they’re letting him go. We’re gonna grab dinner then head over to Wrex’s. I plan on us coming back here tonight. I don’t feel like spending the night over there.”

“You don’t sound too excited.”

“It’ll be fun. I just don’t know who he invited. I don’t want to get into a fight or...anything.”

“You’re probably worrying too much.”

“Maybe.” He stands and stretches. “I guess I’ll go get ready.”

Ryan watches him disappear down the hallway then grabs the controller and continues where he left off.

~~~~~

Shepard brings his boyfriend inside the apartment then takes his overnight bag. “I’ll drop this off in my room.”

Ryan and Kaidan talk for a minute while Cal’s gone and when he comes back Ryan says, “Do you want me to drive you to Wrex’s and pick up you up? Because if you’re drinking then obviously you better not drive afterwards.”

Cal glances at Kaidan. He doesn’t plan on drinking that much but it doesn’t really matter since he can’t drive.

“Oh, that’s not...not necessary,” Kaidan stammers. “Thank you but-”

“I don’t mind. Really.”

“I mean...this’ll be your first time at Wrex’s house,” Shepard says. “He’ll...try to make you play drinking games with him.”

“I’ll take you,” Ryan insists. “Otherwise I’ll just worry.”

They invite Ryan to eat dinner with them but he declines. They’ll drive back so he can take them around eight.

Cal’s week has been rough and he’s been dealing with a lot of inner turmoil lately. It won’t disappear magically but sitting in this restaurant with Kaidan, laughing and making obnoxious jokes together, does lift his mood. He’s happy right now and as he watches Kaidan laugh at something Shepard said, Cal knows that he loves him.


	24. Chapter 24

Shepard doesn’t bother knocking on the door. With the music blasting inside, they won’t hear anyways. Wrex and Grunt’s parties can get large, they have a lot of friends from various schools and other places. Cal feels nervous but he keeps telling himself he’s making a big deal out of nothing.

Just a party.

With countless people he’s slept with, fought with, drank with. Some of them know darker tales from his time in the Reds and those are stories he prefers not to unleash on Kaidan tonight.

There’s a loud crash in the kitchen followed by thunderous laughter. But Wrex’s voice cuts through it.

“Grunt, you idiot! No one wants to clean that mess up!”

“Ay, Wrex!” Cal calls out, grabbing Kaidan’s hand and leading him to the kitchen. The other teen runs out faster than he expects.

“Haha, Shepard! I knew you and your boyfriend would make it! I’m Wrex.”

“Kaidan,” he says and shakes his hand.

“Come on, you two. I set up out back.” Wrex throws his arms around each of them and leads them out.

“Is your mom here? It’s been a while since I’ve seen her,” Cal asks.

He shakes his head. “Left yesterday for the next week. Just me, Grunt, and our lovely guests. Who will be here soon.”

“We’re the first ones?”

“I gave you an early time.”

The fire pit is roaring, chairs around it. Cal glances around. Tables with various alcohol and snacks are set up.

“You guys want a beer?” Wrex offers, already going to fetch them. “Pizza will be here in a bit.”

“Wrex! Come help me with this junk!” his younger brother shouts.

But Kaidan’s closest to the door. “Don’t worry, I’ll go in,” he says. “I have to piss anyways.”

“You’re my guest!” Wrex says but doesn’t stop him. “Tell Grunt to show you where the bathroom is! Here, Shep.”

He opens the can and immediately takes a huge gulp. “Who else is coming?”

“Not too many people.”

“Ha, you always say that.”

“No, seriously! Just closer friends, to bring your boy toy into the fold. Goddamn, I’m a good friend.”

“Yeah, yeah, you are.”

The screen door opens a few minutes later and Grunt and Kaidan stumble out laughing. “You picked a good one, Shep,” Grunt says.

“I lucked out.”

The four of them sit by the fire pit for a while, drinking and listening to Wrex tell stories of his and Shepard’s tamer adventures throughout high school. Garrus eventually arrives and everyone else trickles in after that. More people than the Urdnots actually invited show up but that always happens. Cal had been putting off introducing Kaidan to many of his friends but he seems to be enjoying himself.

Kaidan’s currently playing beer pong with Grunt and a few others. Cal declined, instead choosing to to gorge himself on pizza. He sits by the pool, alone for the first time all night. He glances over when someone takes a seat next to him.

Shepard stares at the boy for a few moments--familiar but he can’t think of a name.

“Been a while, stranger.”

“Ah, yeah, it has,” Cal says, finally remembering the guy he’s slept with a couple times. He’s one of Jack’s friends. “You just sorta disappeared one day.”

“My parents moved up north. Then they got a divorce and I can back here with my mom.”

“Ohh.”

“You wanna go upstairs for a bit?” he asks, getting straight to the point.

Cal shakes his head. “I’m seeing someone.”

The boy laughs. “Good one.” But when Shepard just looks at him he says, “Fuck, you’re serious. Is he here?”

He points. “Next to Grunt, gray long sleeves.”

“He’s hot. Think he’d be up for the three of us...?”

Again, he shakes his head. “Nah, I’m not looking for that right now.”

“Ha, maybe I’ve been gone longer than I thought.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know everyone’s surprised.”

“Does he know?”

Shepard raises an eyebrow, readying for a fight. He doesn’t sense any hostility in his tone but the question itself... “About what? My past? Yeah. He does. What the fuck of it?”

He holds his hands out. “Just curious. Didn’t mean anything by it. Good luck to you two.”

Cal narrows his eyes as he stands and he watches him join a few people on the other side of the yard. Kaidan knows and he doesn’t mind. Shepard knows that. He takes a bite of pizza and grimaces when it’s cold.

“Shep!”

He puts his plate on the ground and stands. “What?” he says, his friend Jack coming up to him.

“Gimme a cigarette, I’m out.”

As he hands off his lighter, he asks, “Hey, who’s that one guy friend of yours?”

She snorts. “Gotta be more specific.”

“That one over there. The one I fucked.”

“Ha, gotta be--oh, you mean Prangley. What about him?”

“He wanted to fuck me.”

“Shocking.” She blows smoke in his face and laughs. “I heard Wrex say he wants to play truth or dare.”

“No, not that again,” he groans. “Last time, I ended up running around the block naked.”

“I remember. I’m sure Kaidan won’t mind if it happens again.”

As if Wrex can sense their conversation, he jumps on a chair and tells everyone to get in a circle. Jack pushes Shepard to get him walking towards the forming group.

~~~~~

Like Shepard predicted, Wrex does try to convince them to spend the night. But Ryan comes when they’re ready and they go home.

Cal shucks off his jeans as soon as he walks in his bedroom and collapses onto his bed. Kaidan’s a little neater with changing.

“What’d you think?” Shepard asks.

“I had fun. Don’t know why you were so nervous.”

“I wasn’t nervous.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I just know we can be obnoxious. Alcohol doesn’t help that.

Kaidan lies down next to him. “You worry too much sometimes,” he says then yawns.

“Tired?”

“A bit. Would prefer not to get off this bed.”

“Same.”

He reaches over to his nightstand and turns off the light. When he feels Kaidan’s hand brush his hip, Cal’s pretty sure they aren’t going to sleep yet.


	25. Chapter 25

Shepard feels rejuvenated after his weekend with Kaidan. The party and quality time on Sunday were exactly what he needed. He doesn’t even feel the need to start a fight with the people talking about him as he walks through campus Monday morning. Cal just winks and blows the boys a kiss.

Whoever was unaware of his and Kaidan’s relationship before will definitely know now. But Kaidan doesn’t seem too concerned so Shepard just continues on his way. If anything, they’re just shocked that ‘scary slutty Shepard’ managed to nab a boyfriend--especially someone like Kaidan. Someone who isn’t rowdy like him or Wrex or most of his friends.

He can’t wait to be done with high school. Though when he thinks about life after graduation (if he even does graduate), it makes him nervous.

Cal distracts himself so badly that he almost walks into the door of his art class. He glances around to make sure no one saw--it would ruin his intimidating reputation after all. Their sketchbooks are due today for a review. Their ‘final exam’ will be turning them in their last week of class. He finished his early of course. An hour ago before government class, he saw a couple classmates trying to work on theirs last minute.

Hr sort of runs on autopilot during class but figures that’s because it’s Monday. As he’s packing up, he notices someone come in but just assumes they’re from the next class. Then he hears,

“Hi, are you Shepard?”

He zips his backpack then looks up at a girl. She looks familiar. Sort of. But he has no clue who she is. “Yeah.”

“I’m Edi,” she says and sticks her hand out towards him.

“Um, hi.” He shakes it, confused. He looks to his teacher but she just smiles from her desk.

“I’m president of the school’s art club. I wanted to talk to you for a couple minutes.”

“Why?”

“I’ve heard good things about your work and saw your watercolor portrait for myself. I was very impressed. Halloween is coming up very soon and I wanted to know if you’d be interested in working with the club. Each year we’re given permission to use the quad for a club project. We’re going to start discussing ideas for this year’s piece.”

“Oh. Uh...when would you need me?”

“We meet Tuesdays at lunch in the other art room. Tomorrow we’ll discuss ideas and get everyone’s input. I’d like to add your talent to the mix.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Great. I hope to see you tomorrow.”

And then she leaves as abruptly as she came.

“Did you make her do that?” Cal asks his teacher.

“No,” she says. “Edi did the see the painting of your boyfriend. But she came in on Friday asking what the best way to contact you was.”

“Oh.”

“Are you going to think about it?”

“Maybe.”

“It’s a fun project. I oversaw it last year. I think it’d be good for you to collaborate with other artists.”

He shrugs. “Nobody likes me though.” She’s about to respond but he continues. “I have my circle of friends, Kaidan, but no one there’s gonna like me.”

“Nonsense. They may not know you but they’re a nice bunch of kids. Once you’re all talking about your ideas, you’ll enjoy it. And Cal, if you decide you don’t like it, you don’t have to stay.”

“...I guess I can check it out.”

“Let me know how it goes. Now here’s a note for your next class.”

~~~~~

“That’s awesome, Cal. Random but good,” Kaidan says.

“Yeah. My teacher convinced me to go. It’s stupid but whatever.”

“It’s not-”

“You should draw the principal as a big ugly zombie!” Wrex laughs.

“I think he’s already got the ugly part nailed,” Garrus adds.

Shepard rolls his eyes and turns back to Kaidan and Ashley. They’re all sitting in their area behind the baseball field, watching Shepard and Wrex smoke during lunch.

“I’ll sit in the back by the door, see how they are, if I wanna interact. If not, I’ll just leave.” He takes a deep drag then looks over when a hand touches his knee. Kaidan smiles at him. Cal smiles back.

~~~~~

Kaidan kisses Shepard near the classroom the meeting’s at and then soon after, Cal is alone. He hesitates just a moment outside the door before steeling himself and going inside.

There are more students than he expected. They’re staring at him-- _‘only because I’m new’_ \--but his eyes dart around until he spots Edi up front talking to the school’s other art teacher. She sees him immediately and waves him over, ruining his original plan of blending into the background. He recognizes a few people and ignores the whispers of,

“What’s _he_ doing here?”

“Glad you decided to come, Shepard,” she says.

“Call me Cal. And, uh, glad to be here.”

She points to an empty desk up front. “Have a seat, Cal. We’ll start in a minute.”

He sits down and taps his fingers against the desk. Everybody knows each other already, they’re all friends and he’s just-

“Hey, you’re new around here too.”

A guy’s looking at him. He looks really young. A freshman. “Edi asked me to join this meeting to help work on the Halloween thing.”

“Oh. This is only my second meeting.” Then more quietly, “I haven’t really talked to anyone because they all seem to be friends already. I feel awkward but I like to draw.”

“I was just thinking the same thing. Uh...I’m Cal by the way. I’ve never seen you around, are you a freshman?”

He nods. “And I’m Richard.”

Edi finishes up her conversation with the teacher then takes her place in front of the room. Shepard gives her his attention and just hopes she doesn’t ask for his opinion on anything.


	26. Chapter 26

Dread fills Shepard. Of course Edi wants to know what he thinks. She invited him to the meeting but he’s been silent the entire time. While everyone else talked, he looked over photos of the last few years to come up with some ideas.

“Uh, I have something. Maybe. Can I draw it up on the whiteboard real quick? Easier than explaining,” he says.

“Sure, go ahead.”

Cal can feel everyone’s eyes on him as he hurriedly sketches something out. When he’s done, he steps aside and shrugs.

“I like it,” his new friend Richard says.

“If anyone else wants to add something...” he trails off and then sits down. He watches Edi take a picture for reference then half-listens as the conversation picks up again. When the bell finally rings at the end of lunch, Edi wants to talk to him.

“A few of the officers are meeting up after school today to finalize our drawing. I’d like you to be there if you can. This is a big event for our club and it always brings in a lot of money. Apparently students respond positively to decorated baked goods for sale.”

“I didn’t realize clubs even needed money,” he says.

“It allows us to take trips. Usually to museums. Sometimes we set up other events during the year too.”

“That...makes sense. Uh, where are you meeting?”

“The benches by the quad. You don’t have a seventh period, do you?”

“No.”

“Perfect. Will we see you there?”

He shrugs. “Sure, I’ll be there.”

They exchange phone numbers and Shepard leaves the room baffled as to why someone wants to invite him to any sort of school function. He sends a text to Kaidan telling him what happened. Then instead of going to English, he turns in the direction of the baseball field.

~~~~~

Shepard’s the second-to-last person to arrive. He could’ve been earlier if he wanted but greeting Kaidan outside his math class was more important.

“Hi, Cal,” the club...treasurer (maybe?) says. “We’re just waiting on Edi. She got held up in chemistry.”

The vice president isn’t quite as welcoming. He and Shepard already know each other from government this semester and English last year. “Why the hell are you here? This is officers only.”

“Because your president invited me, bitch,” Cal hisses.

“Your art isn’t even that good.”

“Edi disagrees and you’re just a peon, not president.”

“Come on you two. Leave him alone, Charlie.”

The guy just rolls his eyes. Though when Edi finally comes, his pout eventually goes away.

It’s obvious when the meeting’s over that they didn’t _really_ need Shepard. But he can’t figure out why they want him around--or at least why Edi does anyways. Most of them are nice, sure, brought him into conversations, asked his opinion on things, talked about art class. But he really doesn’t understand.

“They could just want to be your friends,” Kaidan says. Cal had called him immediately after the meeting ended.

“Why?”

“Why not? You all have art in common. And maybe now they want to get to know you.”

“I don’t know...”

“You’re being paranoid.”

“I...” He sighs.

“When do you see them again?”

“Don’t know. Edi said she’d text me tomorrow or Thursday. I think we draw on Sunday and then come early Monday morning to make sure everything’s okay. Yearbook’s gonna be there. They’re having a bake sale too. Goddamn Kay, school stuff is so dumb. I can't believe people do this willingly.”

“I mean, technically you’re doing it willingly too,” he laughs.

“I dunno how I got roped into it.”

“It’s good to do.” He almost says ‘it’s good to put on college applications’ but catches himself at the last second.

“Guess so.”

They talk for the rest of Cal’s walk home, until he begrudgingly says he’s off to do homework.

As the week continues, Shepard still wonders why Edi is including him in everything. He...doesn’t mind it. But no one (excluding Kaidan) has ever paid this much attention to him at school. Unless it’s to pick a fight, or call him a slut, or-

He grimaces as the hood of his sweatshirt falls down again. He doesn’t bother fixing it this time. It’s Sunday and everyone’s supposed to meet at school soon. Kaidan is at home with Ashley--they’re making cupcakes for the club’s bake sale tomorrow. He plans on going over later if there’s time and just awkwardly avoiding Kaidan’s parents.

He arrives at the quad where other students wait and tosses his skateboard into the grass. Richard approaches him quickly.

“Hi, Cal! How’s your weekend been?” he asks.

“Uhh, pretty good,” Shepard says and sits down to wait for the rest of them. “Boyfriend and I went to a Halloween party last night. He was a fireman, I was a cop. Well, sort of.” If the costume could even be called such. Cal always loves the chance to prance around half-naked.

A few minutes later, everyone is there and Edi assigns people tasks. Shepard and Richard are given the jack-o-lantern to start on. There’s loads of chalk, Cal grabs a couple shades of orange.

“Are you going to keep coming to club meetings?” the freshman asks as he sticks a few pieces of tape on the ground where Shepard tells him to mark their points.

“Oh. I don’t know. Charlie doesn’t like me much, we’ve never gotten along.”

“Did something happen?”

He waves it off. “Some history’s there with him and his brother, yeah. Can’t stand that prick. Charlie I mean, his brother’s okay.”

Richard glances to the other side of the quad where the vice president is drawing. “Hm. It’d be cool if you stayed.”

“Maybe. There’s no meeting this Tuesday, huh?”

“Nope. Because of this stuff.” He grimaces and Shepard raises an eyebrow.

“Something wrong?”

“I just don’t like chalk. Or charcoal. Stuff like that. So much dust.”

“Ha, making a mess is half the fun.”

It does take a long time to finish, longer than Shepard thought. But when everyone steps back and looks at it together, Cal’s glad he participated. All these students have a ton of talent and potential. It makes him suddenly think about his life when he first entered high school, how much of an absolute mess it was. No Ryan, no Kaidan, no one who loved him. No one to guide him in the right direction or tell him to run as far as he could from the Reds.

Three and a half years later and so much has happened. He feels himself needing to physically hold back tears as he thinks about it.

Life is very different now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this part was boring. I'll be skipping time after the next chapter. If there are people reading this fic, thanks for sticking around


	27. Chapter 27

Shepard feels extremely uncomfortable as students from the yearbook committee make him gather in a group photo. Edi then wants to get one of her and him together and the student photographer looks as awkward as he feels. He seeks Kaidan out quickly after.

“It’s amazing what you guys did with chalk,” Kaidan says. “It looks even better than last year’s.”

“You remember?”

“You don’t?”

“I think I ditched that day.” He feels an arm wrap around his shoulder and lips kiss his cheek. Shepard can’t help his grin. “Come on, I want another cupcake.”

A small crowd of students hover around a table where Richard and someone else are selling food. “We tried to be artsy and decorate these,” Kaidan says as he picks one up and hands it to his boyfriend. “The first few...didn’t turn out so well.”

“Ha, well they taste good. People are buying them up. You weren’t kidding when you said you liked to bake.”

Everyone hangs around the area for a few minutes longer until the bell rings. The crowd slowly disperses to go to their classes.

“I’ll see you in a little bit,” Kaidan says. “I’m proud of you.”

Cal’s going to crack a joke but luckily Kaidan hushes him with a kiss. “Bye. Have fun in class.” They go off in different directions and Shepard walks to class slowly. He’s late.

A little later in government, Cal and Wrex sit in the back of the classroom goofing off and not doing the group assignment they were given.

“Wrex, shut up. You’re gonna get us in trouble,” Shepard laughs.

“Ah, she’s not even paying attention! You’re so soft now!”

“Then try harder, baby!”

Wrex grins and flicks their little paper football and almost hits Shepard’s eye. He laughs at him.

“If you blind me, I can guarantee Kaidan will kick your ass.”

“I believe it,” Wrex says.

Their teacher does finally hush them and Cal opens the textbook to pretend they’re working. “Hey,” he says. “...Were you at the quad this morning?”

“To see your chalk? Yeah, Garrus sent me a text last night telling me to get here early.”

“And you did? I’m flattered. You must really love me.”

“Fuck off, you know I do! I tried to take a picture of it but all those damn nerds were in the way. I didn’t see you.”

“I was around. They all keep asking if I’m gonna join their club.”

“Are you?”

“I...yeah, I think so. If anything, I’ll get the chance to bug Charlie!” He makes sure to talk loud enough for the boy in question to hear him at the front of the room.

“Shepard, Wrex, don’t make me separate you,” the teacher threatens for the hundredth time this semester.

“I’d do it for that reason alone. The guy’s a prick,” Wrex says quietly. “Look, Shep. I’m proud of you, okay? Me and you’ve been friends since freshmen year and things were really rough back then. You’re doing good for yourself.” He sighs. “Now you got me going all soft.” He watches Cal look down at his blank paper and smile.

“Thanks, Wrex. It’s...been a hell of a ride.”

“Got that right. After this, let’s go have a smoke and celebrate another four years of causing trouble together.”


	28. Chapter 28

“On a scale of one to ten, how does this look?” Shepard asks.

“Horrendous,” Kaidan laughs, tugging his own clothes on.

“Good! I’m ready then.”

Garrus is throwing an ugly sweater party to celebrate the end of finals. The semester is over and everyone’s free for three whole weeks. Cal doesn’t give a fuck about straight A’s like Kaidan but he did attempt to bring his grades up. He’s never given school and homework so much attention and he’s ready to forget all about it during winter break--especially since next semester is going to be incredibly busy.

“Alright, let’s go.”

Shepard grabs their overnight bag and they leave Kaidan’s bedroom. His parents are downstairs and Cal just sort of stands there awkwardly while his boyfriend tells them bye.

“Ash just sent me a text,” Shepard says when they’re outside.

“Tell her we’re running late because you couldn’t pick an outfit.”

“Hey, it’s a very important process, especially for parties! Things like that can’t be rushed.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“Now hurry up and unlock the car. I’m freezing my balls off here,” he says as he runs to the passenger side.

~~~~~

“Garrus, who the hell made all this gay food?” Shepard calls out as he loads up.

“I did! With a lot of help from Tali,” he says.

Kaidan raises an eyebrow and smirks as he plucks a cream cheese penguin off his boyfriend’s plate. “I didn’t realize you two would hit it off so well.”

“Somebody has a crush,” Ashley sings.

Garrus just grins and walks off to tend to his other guests. The three of them find a little spot by the fireplace to eat their food. Other friends come by to talk to them for a while and someone Shepard doesn’t know wins ‘ugliest sweater of the night.’ Their prize is a bottle of vodka.

Most people go home after a few hours but Shepard’s trio, Tali, and Wrex are going to spend the night. Garrus’ parents are on vacation for the weekend so they have the place to themselves. Wrex tells them a ghost story even though everyone complains that it’s not Halloween anymore. Garrus eventually puts a bunch of blankets down on the living room floor and the friends end the night with ridiculous movies.

~~~~~

Shepard’s next few days of winter break pass by easily. At the end of the week, he and Ryan are driving a few hours north to stay with his parents for Christmas. Cal always enjoys seeing them and even though his friendship with their son is a bit unconventional, they love seeing him too. He’d like to spend time with Kaidan that day but it’d be weird with Kaidan’s parents anyways. A couple months have passed since the dinner with Ryan and they still don’t really like Cal. He just chooses not to think about it.

He comes home from hanging out with Garrus that afternoon and tosses his skateboard by the door. Ryan is in the living room.

“Your report card came in the mail,” he says.

“Already?” He goes over to the table where a letter with his name sits. “You didn’t open it?”

“Nah, it’s yours.”

“Pfft. That’s never stopped you before.”

“You would’ve never looked at it otherwise.

He rips the envelope open then plops down on the couch.

“A in art,” Ryan rattles off without needing to see.

“Of course. I...I got an A in physics,” he says and he’s a bit shocked. He knew he’d been in range but wasn’t sure how high a grade he could get on the final.

“Cal, that’s great.”

“Don’t get too excited. Two C’s in geometry and English. D in government.”

“You still did really good this semester! I’m proud of you.”

Shepard grins. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten an actual A before.” B’s here and there sure but two A’s on his report card excites Cal more than he cares to admit. “I just wish I didn't have to take extra classes. My last semester of school...”

“Are you taking them both at the college?”

“Yeah. American history, fucking bleh, and a p.e class. I could take that one at school but I don’t want to get made fun of for being the only senior in gym. I think Kaidan said he’d take it with me but they offer a running/jogging class in the evening that he was eyeing. I think part of him regrets not sticking with track.”

“It’ll go by quicker with him there.”

“I’d rather be dead than run,” he groans. “I didn’t take any extra classes last semester because...I didn’t think I had a chance at graduating. Or any interest in it.”

“I’m happy you were wrong.”

“Pfft, you’re always happy when I’m wrong.”

Ryan laughs at him. “Hey, you wanna go out for dinner in a bit? Celebrate or something, the two of us.”

“Yeah, I’d like that. Just lemme shower real quick, I’m all sweaty from skating.”

He hops up and goes to his room to lay out a clean outfit. Spending time with his best friend sounds perfect right now.


	29. Chapter 29

“Is Cal coming over on Christmas? Everyone wants to meet your boyfriend,” Kaidan’s mom’s asks.

He looks up from his laptop. “You’ll be happy to hear that he’s going to Ryan’s parents. Three and a half hours away,” he grumbles. “I’m surprised the family wants to meet him, that they aren’t scared of him.”

“Oh, don’t be like that, Kaid. I haven’t told them anything bad. It’s none of their business if he’s been arrested.”

“You know he wasn’t arrested! Why do you guys treat him so badly?”

“We are nothing but polite to Cal when he’s here.”

“But you’ve made it clear he’s not really welcome. I feel awkward bringing him to my own house. He makes me happy. Why isn’t that enough for you?”

“We know there’s stuff you aren’t telling us about him.”

“Yeah, because look how you feel about him already. I _love_ him.”

She sighs. “You’ve only been dating for-”

“No, I know how I feel, Mom. And Cal loves me too.”

“What about when you go to college next year?”

“What about it? We’ll make it work like countless other couples do. I’ll be home during breaks, we can still talk on the phone and video chat.”

“Have you talked with him about that yet?”

“He...knows I applied.”

“Out of state?”

“Not all of them are out of state.”

“So he doesn’t know.”

“We’ll talk about it more when I know which schools I actually get accepted to.

“Hm. When is he leaving for the holiday?”

“Friday morning. I’m gonna spend the night over there tomorrow and hang out Thursday. We’re gonna exchange gifts early since he won’t be back until Tuesday.”

“Does Ryan have a lot of family?”

He shrugs. “Extended family, yeah. But he’s an only child.” He closes his laptop. “I have to get ready.”

“When will you be home?”

“Before ten. I doubt Ash’s cousins will stay longer than that. I’ll see you and Dad later.”

He doesn’t understand his parents’ dislike for Cal. They have never scrutinized someone he was dating so heavily before and it’s unfair. They choose to do this to the person he feels strongest for. Of course it’s not their fault Shepard will be gone for Christmas but he still wishes he could have his boyfriend meet all his family, open presents together, eat the huge dinner that’ll be cooked. But even if he was there, Cal would feel uncomfortable. And he doesn’t say it but Kaidan knows it still hurts his feelings. Hell, it hurts his too.

~~~~~

“I’m leaving now,” Kaidan says, shifting the wrapped box in his hand and grabbing the car keys. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Okay,” his dad says. “Remember your aunt and uncle’s flight lands at six in the evening. I’d like you to be here when they come.”

“I will.”

“Have fun.”

It’s freezing outside as he walks briskly to the car. The only good thing is that there hasn’t been any rain clouds lurking in the sky. He puts his things in the passenger seat and starts the car. He sends a text to his boyfriend as he waits for it to warm up and then he’s on his way.

Both Ryan and Cal are home when he arrives. He puts his gift for Cal with the others down under their small tree. He and Cal put their money together to get something for Ryan. He knows Shepard bought...maybe stole...a couple more small things too. Most of the gifts under the tree are for Ryan’s family but Kaidan sees quite a few from him to Cal.

“Kaidan, are you hungry?” Ryan asks. “I made dinner earlier, Cal can heat some up for you.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

“Then you can try the cookies I made!” his boyfriend says. “I decorated them and everything. Look.”

Kaidan laughs as Cal proudly shows him the chocolate chip cookies he baked. How can his parents possibly think badly about him? How can anyone not see how absolutely wonderful he is?

“I love you,” Kaidan murmurs. And although he means it completely, the words just slipped out.

The most beautiful smile appears on Cal’s face. “I love you too. So much.” He leans over and kisses his cheek. A soft quiet moment passes between them. Then Shepard grabs his hand--and puts a cookie in it. Kaidan takes a bite.

“Did you make the frosting too?”

He gestures at Ryan. “He did that part. Made different colors for me.”

“I decorated the two ugly ones,” he says.

“They’re not bad! It’s not like you don’t know how to draw.”

“Ehh, music’s more my thing. I’ll leave the cookie decorating to you.”

“I dunno. I still don’t like baking. Oh! Let me warm you up some food.”

As he does that, Kaidan joins Ryan at the table. Shepard hears them quickly get into a conversation about NASA and some new telescope they’re building, how they found a new galaxy--stuff Cal only half pays attention to. He’s thinking about the good day he had with Ryan and how much he looks forward to exchanging gifts with Kaidan tonight. The old Cal would laugh at the person he’s turning into and that used to make him uncomfortable, it was like he was losing part of his identity. But the more time that passes, the less it bothers him. He’s still himself. He’s just a happier version now.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thirty. Wow

Ryan turns in early for the night since he still has work the next day. That leaves the two boys alone in the living room, where Kaidan currently lays on top of Cal. Shepard’s back arches a bit and Kaidan’s mouth moves to the sensitive spot on his neck.

“As much as I’m enjoying this,” Cal says, even as his hand snakes beneath his boyfriend’s shirt, “we’re supposed to be giving each other our gifts.”

Kaidan grins and kisses him one more time before getting off him. “Later then.”

They go over to the tree and grab the presents they bought. They each suddenly feel shy but Kaidan is the one to hold out his brightly wrapped box first.

“I, uh, hope you like it...”

“I’m sure I will.” He tears off the paper and opens the plain box to reveal a brand new set of acrylic paints and a small canvas sack of different sized paint brushes.

“It’s too predictable, isn’t it?” Kaidan rambles. “I mean, I tried my best to research and I remember you mentioning that brand-”

“I love this. These are...really, really nice,” Cal says as he opens the paints up and inspects a tube. He’s kind of surprised. These are indeed the brand he’s mentioned wanting but they are also way too expensive for him to justify purchasing.

“You said you were low on paint and that your brushes were frayed so...”

“Thank you, these are great. Really.” He leans over and gives Kaidan a kiss. “Now open yours,” he says and hands him off a bag.

Kaidan laughs as he pulls the first item. “A Morgan dollar, huh? I don’t have one of these in my collection yet.” He looks at it more closely. “Ooh, this was minted in Carson City. There were less of these in circulation than ones from the other cities.”

It’s something Shepard found out about Kaidan only recently, that he collects coins. He never talks about it because he says he doesn’t want to be teased--Cal really hadn’t understood that and demanded his boyfriend show him his collection. It was cool to look at and the way Kaidan spoke about the history of each coin was adorable. He put a lot of research into his coin, like Kaidan had with his gift. He’s relieved he didn’t get him a duplicate.

Kaidan then takes out the second thing from the bag and grins. “You remembered my favorite kind.” A bottle of red win that he does indeed remember to be Kaidan’s favorite. “Let’s open this now.”

They both hop up. Cal grabs a couple glasses while Kaidan opens the bottle. By now he knows his way around the apartment as well as Shepard and Ryan do. They sit back down a couple minutes later, snuggling together.

“It would’ve been nice to spend our first Christmas together,” Shepard says.

“I know. My family really wanted to meet you.”

He laughs. “You’re fucking with me.”

“No, it’s true. I wouldn’t have said anything otherwise. Are you looking forward to seeing Ryan’s family?”

“Yeah, I like his parents a lot. They’re the only ones who know I was in the Reds. But the rest of them are okay too. He has a couple cousins around my age.”

“Do you get along with them?”

“Mhm. I just wish we had the chance to go up there more often. I know Ryan’s really excited.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

They stay on the floor a bit longer, finish off some more wine. Cal eventually puts his hand on Kaidan’s thigh and murmurs, “Let’s go to my room and continue where we left off earlier.”

~~~~~

Shepard slinks back into the apartment on Thursday. He and Kaidan just said bye to each other until next week. It’s not really that long, he knows that, but he still likes to imagine Kaidan coming with them. That’d be fun. Maybe they can go somewhere together during spring break. Or in the summer, before Kaidan goes off to...

Cal visibly frowns and squashes that thought into the ground. “Ryan-” he starts to call out, his friend can distract him before he thinks too much about it. But although Ryan got off work early, he still isn’t home yet.

_‘Don’t think about it, it’s a long time away.’_

He keeps repeating that thought as he goes back outside and smokes a couple cigarettes. By the time he’s finished, he feels better and starts packing for his trip.

~~~~~

‘Come outside.’

Kaidan reads the text. It’s 8:30 in the morning and he’s sipping coffee in the living room. He puts the mug down and goes out.

Shepard’s leaning against Ryan’s car and a huge grin breaks out on his face when he sees Kaidan. Even Ryan waves out the window at him.

“Hey, guys,” he calls out as Cal runs up to him.

“I just, uh, wanted to see you one more time. Wasn’t sure if you’d be awake yet.”

“My aunt and uncle want to go to breakfast in a bit. I didn’t know you were leaving this early.”

“We’re gonna grab breakfast too then head out. Should make it there around one. Here, I wanted to give you this too.” He pulls out an envelope from his coat pocket. “For your parents. It’s just a gift card but I thought I’d give them something. Made sure the card I stuck it in was full of glitter. My way of being passive-aggressive.”

“Ha, yeah, I’ll give this to them.”

“Alright, we should go. I’ll see you next week.”

“Bye, babe. Have a good time.”

They kiss each other softly for a few moments and then they part and Cal returns to the car. They wave at each other then Kaidan turns back towards his house. His mom is downstairs now.

“Where were you?” she asks. “I assumed you were still asleep.”

“Cal came by for a minute. He dropped this off for you and Dad.”

“Oh...that was nice of him. I’ll text him and thank him.”

Kaidan goes to get his coffee cup while she places the envelope on the table. She hadn’t really expected Cal to give them anything but he did and she appreciates the thought.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a very short update more than a year later. Sorry about that. I'd like to wrap this story up soon so let's get to it

Cal wiggles his toes before pulling on the pair of boots Ryan got him. They’re steel-toe and have a slight heel and are dark red--his favorite color. He glances at his old pair tossed in the corner of the room. They’re literally held together with duct tape.

He and Ryan opened gifts with Ryan’s parents this morning. He’s pretty happy with his haul. His mom and dad always go all out for them, which is still something he’s not quite used to. The rest of Ryan’s family will be over soon but Shepard’s getting dressed so he can take a walk--he needs a smoke and he wants to call Kaidan. They’ve already been texting but he’d like to hear his boyfriend’s voice. He runs into Ryan in the hallway.

“Where you headed?”

“I need a cigarette and your parents forbid me from the backyard.”

“They’re hoping you’ll be lazy and just quit.”

“Pfft, I’ll quit in my twenties or something. See you in a bit.”

He lights up as soon as he closes the front door and grimaces. It’s cold and he doesn’t like it. He dials Kaidan then zips up his jacket

“Merry Christmas, babe.”

Cal smiles. “Merry Christmas. How’s your morning been?”

They talk as Shepard walks around the entire block, then he sits on the curb as they talk more.

“I gotta get going,” Kaidan eventually says. “Gotta help cook food. Wish you were here.”

“So do I. At least we’ll spend New Year’s together, right?”

“Ha, wouldn’t miss that party for anything. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

He stays outside texting various people when a familiar car drives down the street. One of the windows rolls down and a couple teenagers yell at him. He waves and stands up, then waits for Ryan’s uncle to park the car. It barely stops before the kids, seventeen year old twins--a brother and sister, run out to hug Cal.

“Hey you two, been a while.” The last time they saw each other was over the summer for a few days. He says hi to their parents then each twin is grabbing a hand and dragging him back inside.

“Why are you out here anyways?” the brother asks.

“He smells like smoke, take a wild guess.”

“Well, that and to talk to my boyfriend,” Cal answers.

They both stop and stare at him.

“What?” he says hesitantly.

“You...have a boyfriend?”

“Heh, yeah. Me of all people, I know.”

“Cool.”

“He should’ve come!”

“I mean, that would’ve been neat but he’s with his family.”

“It’s cold out here, show us a picture when we get inside.”

He smiles as they all go in. A lot of his life has been tougher than a kid’s life should be, but he still feels lucky that somehow Ryan’s family has accepted him into their fold these last few years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, the twins are not the Ryder twins. Just two random cousins of Ryan


	32. Chapter 32

Shepard grabs his skateboard then rings the doorbell to Kaidan’s house. He and Ryan got back home yesterday, now the couple wants to spend some time together. Cal’s going to sleep over. Even though Kaidan’s parents don’t like him, he’s pretty sure they prefer him spending the night there because they can at least keep track of their son. When Kaidan comes to the apartment, he’s basically free to run wild without them knowing. Not that that actually happens. Cal rolls his eyes at his own thoughts.

“Hi, Cal,” Evelyn answers. “Come in.”

“Hi,” he musters as cheerfully as he can.

“How was your Christmas with Ryan’s family?”

“It was good. He’s an only child but he has a lot of cousins and stuff so it’s always a big gathering. Kaidan said it was kind of the same over here.”

“Yes, Kaidan’s in the same position. It was our turn to host this year and there was a lot to do. They were eager to meet Kaidan’s boyfriend.”

“Yeah, he told me that too. I would’ve liked to meet them as well.”

“He’s in the shower by the way.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll go wait in his room, put my skateboard down in there.”

“Before you do...hold on.” She disappears into the dining room for a moment and when she returns, she’s carrying a box wrapped in green paper. An envelope is on top as well. “A gift, since you couldn’t make it on Sunday.”

His brain stalls for a second before he reaches out to take it. “Thank you,” he tells her, genuinely surprised. He suddenly feels awkward and wishes he could just accept the present without questioning her motives or feeling self-conscious.

They exchange a few more words before he’s going up the stairs and closing the door behind him in Kaidan’s room. He takes off his shoes and puts his board down then hops onto the bed with his box. He tears the paper off and as soon as he sees what the package is, he puts it down.

Is it expensive? It’s not a brand he recognizes (not that he’s too familiar with them anyways), but he supposes that’s a good thing. He doesn’t want something that costs hundreds of dollars. Maybe she had a coupon or it was on sale. He takes the rest of the wrapping paper off and tosses it in the trash. Kaidan’s parents bought him a drawing tablet. He looks at the envelope then reads the card.

‘Merry Christmas, Cal. We know you probably get a lot of art supplies but Kaid mentioned that you’ve only worked with traditional materials. We thought this would be good if you wanted to try something a little different. Thank you again for the gift card, it’s already been put to good use.’ Signed Evelyn and Thomas.

He sighs and searches the box for a price, but there is none. Again he wishes he could just accept it without feeling the way he does--though he’s not quite sure what emotions are coursing through him right now. It’s true, he’s never really done serious digital work and it’s a thoughtful gift and he does like it. He just wishes Kaidan’s parents liked _him._

The door opens and Kaidan’s unsurprised to see him. The only thing he’s wearing is a towel wrapped around his waist. “Hey, babe,” he greets.

“Hey.”

“Something wrong?” He takes the towel off to dry his hair some more and a pair of black boxers is revealed.

“Did you know your parents were getting me a gift?”

“They asked a bunch of questions on what kind of stuff you liked but never told me if they got you something.”

“They gave me a drawing tablet,” he mutters and nods at the box.

“Oh...why do you sound upset?”

“I’m not. Just. I don’t know. It’s nice...”

Kaidan joins him on the bed. “They didn’t want me to tell you but we had a long talk about you on Monday. They said they see that we’re serious about each other and how important you are to me, so they’re going to try harder to get to know you. They...did try to pressure me into telling them ‘the stuff we know you’re keeping secret from us’ but I didn’t go into detail.”

“You can never tell them I was in the Reds,” he whispers. “They would do everything possible to ban you from seeing me.”

“I know, and I won’t. They don’t need to know, that was in the past. I love you, Cal. Nothing will ever keep me from you.” Kaidan then kisses him softly until his eyes close and he forgets where he even is. He makes a small sound when Kaidan pulls away.

He looks back down at the box. “I do like it...and it’d be cool to explore digital work.”

“I can’t wait to see what you draw first. Now I should get dressed because we’re at two different ends of the spectrum right now.”

“Not that I’m complaining.”

“Oh, I know. That’s a nice jacket by the way, it looks really good on you.”

Cal beams. “Thanks, Ryan’s parents got it for me.” He feels very handsome in his new black coat and was hoping Kaidan would notice. He appreciates the view until his boyfriend’s fully dressed. He’ll think about the gift later and maybe decide how he should feel after he talks to Ryan about it.


	33. Chapter 33

“I’m leaving, do you need a ride?” Ryan asks, walking into the living room.

“No, Kaidan should be here soon.”

“How have things been with his parents?”

Cal shrugs. “They’re trying to be nicer I guess. I don’t expect things to change overnight. Or at all.”

“Give it some time first before you start doubting it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Are you gonna be gone all night?”

“Yeah, a few of us are staying in a hotel. Drinking too much to drive home. You?”

“We’re staying the night at Wrex’s. Drinking too much as well.”

“Alright, stay safe, have fun. See you in the new year!”

“See ya, Rye.”

His friend is gone. He’ll be gone soon too. He and Kaidan just need to stop at the store first to buy some more booze--Wrex says he’ll pay Shepard back for his half when they get to his house.

A car horn honks and he grabs his things. It’s going to be a long night, but one he’s looking forward to. The Urdnots’ New Year’s Eve parties are always a blast.

~~~~~

Wrex saves them a place in the driveway so Kaidan can park for the night. They carry in the alcohol Cal bought with his fake ID and bring it to the kitchen. Music’s playing, some people are already here but no close friends yet. A lot of food is being prepared and bought for a lot of people. Wrex and Grunt are going all out. Their mom is helping and Shepard lights up when he sees her.

“Cal, I haven’t seen you in so long!” she says. “How’ve you been?”

“I know, it feels like forever! And I’m pretty good. Look, I even have a boyfriend now! This is Kaidan.”

They talk for a few minutes until Wrex comes barreling in. “Hey, you two, people are playing games in the dining room if you wanna join. I’ll be back.”

“Where you going?” Cal says..

“We ordered food in, I gotta pick it up.”

“Yes, and you’re already late,” his mom chastises. “Now go.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” he grumbles before heading out.

“Do you need help with anything?” Shepard asks. Now that he’s looking around, most of what’s on the tables is desserts. She does love baking.

“Oh no, most of it’s done, thanks. Oh, but how about you take those cookies to the other room if you’re going that way.”

She points to a large tray and Shepard picks it up. Kaidan follows him to the dining room table where a bunch of chairs are crammed around. Kaidan doesn’t know any of the people who are sitting and playing a card game, but his boyfriend introduces him then sits and tells them to deal the couple in while shoving a cookie into his mouth..

It only takes a couple rounds before Cal suggests playing for money. Kaidan rolls his eyes but reaches for his wallet anyways. It takes a few rounds longer before Shepard wins the entire pot and bows out. Everyone else is grumbling at him but he doesn’t care. He and Kaidan head outside so Shepard can smoke then he splits his winnings with him. It’s not that much.

“That was easy,” Cal says as he leans against a wall.

Kaidan shoves his cold hands into his pockets. “You definitely lied. ‘Tell me the rules, I’ve never played before!’”

He grins. “And they all believed it.”

More people arrive and it’s steadily getting more packed. A couple people bum cigarettes off Shepard and he’s only generous because it’s New Year’s. He’s just about to text Garrus to ask where he’s at, when he sees his two closest friends run into the backyard. Well, Wrex runs. Garrus is clinging onto his back. They rush up to Cal and Kaidan and blow those party blower horns in their faces. Shepard tries to smack them out of their hands and they laugh.

Garrus jumps down and they’re taking off again. “Come on!” Wrex bellows. “Let’s get drunk!”

Soon the party is in full swing. People are drinking and playing games and eating the ridiculous amount of food. The couple is hanging out with Cal’s friends and then Ash and Tali arrive together. Garrus is happy to see Tali and Shepard can see the feeling is mutual. He wonders if they’ll start dating soon.

Wrex eventually gathers a bunch of people for a drunken round of spin the bottle. “Why do you always make me play these middle school games?” Shepard complains but he gets in the circle with Kaidan anyways. He doesn’t remember much of it, just knows that it devolves into laughter and he and Kaidan end up making out at the very end.

A few minutes before midnight, Grunt runs around the house and backyard banging a wooden spoon on a pan. “Get ready to count down!” he shouts.

“Ten...” Wrex begins when it’s time. “Nine...” Everyone joins in.

“I’m...excited to see what next year has in store for us,” Shepard says softly.

“Me too. I love you, Kaidan tells him.

“I love you too.”

“Three...two...”

Cal and Kaidan grab each other and kiss.

“One!”

Everyone’s shouting and making noise but neither of them pays attention to anything else except the boy. Kaidan’s hands are on Shepard’s waist and they finally pull back.

“Happy New Year, Cal.”

“Happy New Year.”

~~~~~

Cal and Kaidan climb the stairs. They’re spending the night in Wrex’s room. The party’s just about done, they tried helping the brothers and their mom clean up some before she ushered them away.

“You’re our guests! These two can handle it!”

Cal’s always gotten along with her. “I love Wrex’s bed,” he tells Kaidan. “It is absurdly huge, big enough for all of us.”

“Good. I’m kinda tired. Don’t know if I’ll actually be able to sleep though.”

As soon as they reach his bedroom, Cal kicks his shoes into a corner and peels off his jeans. He jumps onto the mattress while Kaidan puts their bag down and takes his stuff off more carefully. Shepard is very familiar with Wrex’s entire house after all these years.

“Wanna play video games?” Kaidan asks as he changes into a more comfortable outfit.

“Thought you were tired.”

“Already caught my second wind.”

When Wrex finally joins them, the couple is playing Mario Kart and shouting at each other.

“You’re cheating!” Cal accuses.

“How is that even possible? You’re too drunk to drive!”

“You’re both still drunk,” Wrex laughs.

The race ends and Kaidan wins first place, Shepard second. He pouts but then moves on a few moments later. “Wanna play next round, Wrexie?”

“Yeah, just let me change first.”

Cal adds a third player then goes back to character selection. He throws himself down onto the bed and tells his friend to hurry up. Then Shepard’s back arches and he groans and stretches. It draws Kaidan’s attention but then he glances up and notices Wrex staring at Cal too. But then he blinks and a moment later Wrex is digging in his closet. He looks back to his boyfriend, whose eyes are closed as he lays out like a starfish in his underwear and a t-shirt.

“Alright, I’m ready to kick your asses,” he says and grabs another controller.

Kaidan wonders if he just imagined that but knows he didn’t. He doesn’t blame him, Cal is a handsome man. Is history there? The likely answer is yes, they have been friends for years after all. He just sort of laughs it off to himself then gets ready for the next round.

“Who picked this track?” he asks. “Nobody likes ice levels.”

“Wrex always chooses the worst ones,” Shepard laughs. And then his character speeds off and leaves them behind.


	34. Chapter 34

After three weeks of no school and sleeping in every day, Cal is very unenthusiastic about returning to his old schedule. Except it’s even worse now because every Monday and Wednesday, he’ll need to take the bus to the community college and take two more classes. It’ll be after seven in the evening by the time he gets home those days. He already wants to drop out as he pulls his jacket tighter around his body. He’s skateboarding through campus and it’s cold.

At least his gym class isn’t outside. He refused to take any sort of running class, instead he signed up for a stretching class for ‘relaxation.’ Kaidan isn’t taking it with him but it’ll be easy credit. Ryan tried to get him to space his classes out but he’d rather get it all over with two days a week then drag it out over four days.

Someone bumps into him and he barks at them to watch out. He’s admittedly a little cranky this morning. He doesn’t want to be awake yet, he doesn’t want to go to the college this afternoon.

His schedule this semester is otherwise the same for the most part. All the same classes at all the same times. Except government is now economics in a new room with a new teacher. But most of his classmates are the same. He takes a seat in the back and puts his backpack in the chair in front so nobody steals Wrex’s spot.

Once it’s 8:30 and Shepard’s still alone, he texts him. ‘It’s the first day, are you already ditching?’

‘Just running late.’

‘Are you coming to econ?’

‘Nah.’

‘Oh. Hey. wanna drive me to my college classes after school?’

‘Ask your boyfriend to take you.’

‘He doesn’t usually drive to school.’

‘Fiiiiiiine.’

“Shepard, right? Are you paying attention?”

He looks up at his teacher. “Always,” he lies. He immediately zones out the lecture and wonders if Wrex is being grumpy with him or if he’s just overthinking it because _he_ is currently grumpy. He probably got in a stupid argument with Grunt or something.

~~~~~

The first day is boring and Cal’s relieved when it’s finally time to leave English. He walks down to where Kaidan’s math class is to give him a quick kiss.

“Good luck on your first day of college.”

Shepard rolls his eyes but grins. “Thanks. Stretching will be fine, I just hope history isn’t boring as fuck.”

“You hate history, so I’m sure it will be.”

“Yeah. Alright, I should go. Wrex is probably waiting in the parking lot.”

“Bye, babe.”

Shepard skates off towards the lot. He runs into Wrex along the way. “You look mad,” Cal says.

“What? Nah, just annoyed. I was in the counselor’s office trying to fix my schedule. They switched half my classes around.”

“Why? Not econ, right?”

“That’s still the same. And I don’t know why, they’re fucking stupid. I somehow got put in gym fifth period. I don’t need gym!”

“Did they take you out of it?”

“Sort of. Now I’m the teacher’s student service.”

“Just one more semester,” he sighs. “And thanks for driving me today. I won’t make it a habit of asking.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind. What are you taking again?”

“US history and some stretching class.”

“How did you even fail gym?” he laughs and unlocks his car when they’re close by.

“I never went. I always skipped the days we had to run.”

They both get in and buckle their seatbelts. Wrex honks at all the cars not letting him pull out until finally it’s clear. “You gonna keep going next semester?”

He shrugs. “Don’t know, didn’t really plan on it. I figure I’ll just get a job at Walmart or something once I graduate.”

“They have art classes. You could get financial aid to help pay for it.”

“Yeah...I don’t know. What about you?”

“I don’t feel like going to university. I doubt I’d get accepted anywhere anyways. Maybe I’ll take up welding or something, they got classes for that.”

“They have fuckin’ everything there.”

“Where’s Kaidan headed?”

Cal frowns. “Depends where he gets accepted. I know he applied to a lot of schools...”

“Any of them nearby?”

“The closest one is like an hour away but I think his first choice is up north. Near Ryan’s parents actually.”

“You don’t sound thrilled.”

“Why would I be? My boyfriend’s going to live far away starting this summer and I’ll barely see him. I...I mean, I want him to go to his dream school but...” He stares out the window. “I’m gonna miss him.”

“He’ll be back during breaks and all that. Wherever he ends up, we could go visit him. I could drive.”

“Heh, thanks.”

The mood in the car has definitely changed even though Wrex didn’t think twice about the question. But he changes the subject and gets Cal talking about things that have nothing to do with school.


	35. Chapter 35

It’s the end of February and Shepard’s fallen into a pattern. He actually _goes_ to school, goes to his college classes, does his homework. He hates it, especially hates that his final semester of school is so busy compared to everyone else’s, but he’s used to it now. He’s not going out nearly as much or as hard as in the past and that bothers him too. But he studies and hangs out with Kaidan, finds time to spend with his friends, it’s not all bad.

He’s with Kaidan right now. His boyfriend picked him up from the college and now they’re sitting in Kaidan’s dining room finishing up their physics lab that’s due tomorrow. They’re almost done so they allow themselves to goof off. Cal’s currently drawing a small penis on the back of Kaidan’s paper.

“I’m going to break your pencils if he sees that,” he warns.

“Davis is oblivious and he has no reason to flip your paper over.”

When he finally hands it back, Kaidan’s mom walks into the room with two plates. “Dinner’s ready, guys.”

“Thank you,” Cal says and immediately starts digging in. Kaidan hurriedly shoves their labs to the opposite side of the table so he doesn’t get sauce on them.

“Are either of you thirsty?”

“Can I have a soda, please?” Shepard asks while Kaidan still has his water. He thanks her when she comes back and then she leaves into the kitchen again. Both his parents have been trying to treat him better. The politeness is finally starting to feel a little less forced to Cal. But he still knows without a doubt that if they had their choice, they’d pick a different partner for their son.

After dinner and finishing their homework, the couple goes into the living room to watch tv. It’s cold outside but the heater is on so Cal takes his sweatshirt off. He’s wearing a tank underneath and thinks nothing of it until Kaidan’s dad joins them. Shepard notices him staring and when he looks over, Thomas speaks.

“Say Cal, does that tattoo have a particular meaning?”

His body tenses a bit. “No. I was just dumb and thought a dagger would look cool,” he laughs off. “No one was around to tell me otherwise. The only thing that means anything to me are the planets up my side. Since Ryan and I both like astronomy.”

That one comment quiets Shepard for the rest of the evening, until Kaidan drives him home. And it’s something his boyfriend asks about as soon as they’re alone.

“What if he knows and that was his way of telling me?” Cal says.

“You’re being paranoid,” Kaidan tells him. “There’s no way either of them would know about the Reds.”

Shepard isn’t so sure. Is he being overly paranoid? It’s true, how would either of them find out? But what if they do somehow know...

“Are you sure?” he asks Kaidan.

“Yes, I’m sure. If anything, that was his way of trying to hint that your tattoo is tacky.”

He laughs at that. “He wouldn’t be wrong.” He lets Kaidan convince him that that’s the true reason. When they arrive at the apartment, they kiss and tell each other goodnight.

But later that night, right before he goes to bed, Cal stares at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes are glued to the tattoo the Reds forced him to get years ago. Part of him did want it but that was not a decision a fifteen year old should’ve been making. Even after leaving the Reds, the tattoo isn’t something he’s ever even thought about.

But for the first time in his life, he despises this stupid red dagger on his arm.

He hates himself for agreeing to it, for gritting his teeth and sitting through the pain of it. He hates everyone that should’ve _watched_ him back then, should’ve cared for him and steered him away from a life in a gang. He hates himself for not being smarter, even though he was only a child when the Reds ensnared him.

Tears are running down his face. For a time, the Reds did give him a better life. But now that he’s older, now that he’s an adult, he sees how untrue and unfair it was. Anger courses through him and so does a heavy sadness. But most of all, he hates his parents, whoever the fuck they are, for bringing him into this world and abandoning him.

He hopes they hurt. He hopes they’ve felt at least a fraction of the pain he’s felt in his short life. In that moment, he hopes they’re dead. But all that does is cause a pain in his heart and a tangle of emotions he’s not ready to deal with tonight.

Cal tears his eyes away from himself and turns off his light. He debates waking Ryan up but there’s nothing anyone can do for him right now. So instead he crawls into bed and cries himself to sleep.


	36. Chapter 36

“What’s wrong?”

Cal doesn’t up from the video game he’s playing. “Nothing,” he murmurs to Ryan.

He sits down on the couch. “You’ve been out of it for days.”

He sighs and pauses the game. “I want to get my tattoo removed.”

“The dagger? What...brought this up?”

He shrugs. “I just don’t want it anymore. I don’t need it. It’s a gang symbol, that’s not who I am now. I-I...I feel ugly when I look at it.”

“Did someone say something to you?”

He shrugs again. “Kaidan’s dad asked if it had any meaning but that’s it. I just...I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking a lot. All stuff I don’t want to think about or remember. I’ve been researching the whole removal process. It’s only one color, which works in my favor. But it’s kinda big and red might be need more treatments. It doesn’t have to be perfect, I can get a cover up in the future. There’s a clinic here in town that does it. I think it might cost close to two hundred per session. And then there’s multiple sessions...” He knows it will cost too much. It’s pointless to even think about it. “I already leech so much off you. I’m gonna get a job after graduation like we’ve talked about. I’ll save up. I’ll have enough eventually. It just...I don’t know why but it’s been bothering me so much these last few days. I just hate everything that led up to me getting this tattoo. I hate myself for letting it happen.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Ryan says quietly. “You were just a kid, you aren’t responsible for all that. And even though you’re eighteen and yeah, technically an adult, you’re still so young. It was the adults in your life that failed you, you had no control over that. And Cal, you don’t leech off me. I want you to live here because I care about you. I’m fortunate to make enough money to cover most expenses. Like you said, we’ve discussed this and I told you it’s fine to wait to work until you’re done with high school. You can talk to me about anything in the world and I’ll listen, I want you to know that.”

“I do.”

“That’ll always be true. But maybe talking to a therapist could help you sort your feelings out.”

He immediately shakes his head. “No. I won’t be able to talk freely. I’ve done a lot of illegal things and I’ll be paranoid talking about it.”

“Unless you’re about to kill someone or yourself, everything is private. Just...think about it at least, okay? If you do want to, we’ll figure something out.”

“Okay...” He feels guilt welling inside him but at the same time he also feels so incredibly grateful to know Ryan. The man exudes kindness. Cal knows he can be a little dramatic sometimes but Ryan quite literally changed his life. And he knows his friend will say something along the lines of ‘no, you found the strength to change yourself’ but that never would’ve happened without Ryan’s initial intervention. “You are the only good thing that’s ever come from all the bad things in my life.”

Ryan smiles sort of sadly and puts a hand on Shepard’s shoulder. “I’ve watched you grow up a lot these last few years. You are a wonderful person who’s been dealt a really rough hand. I’m glad that we’re friends. I’m glad you live here, where I know you’re safe, instead of on the streets. This is as much your home as it is mine.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Cal whispers.

“We both deserve each other. That’s why we’re friends.”

He wishes he didn’t need to be convinced of that. Cal wishes he didn’t feel so bad, he wishes he felt normal--whatever that means.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

He shakes his head. “You do enough, Rye. I...I’ll figure it out. I dunno.”

“At least promise me you’ll tell me if you need anything.”

“I will.” Cal wishes Ryan could just fix whatever’s wrong with him. But even he doesn’t know what he wants. Or needs. Getting this tattoo might be the first step, even though it’s an unattainable dream at this point. But he’ll figure something out, right?


	37. Chapter 37

Cal curses and hits ctrl + z on his laptop. He accidentally merged the wrong layers of his drawing. He’s been using his tablet from Kaidan’s parents more often, finally feeling like he’s getting the hang of it. He still prefers traditional mediums but he can’t deny the convenience of using different layers and he likes experimenting with all the different brushes and effects.

It’s the middle of March and he’s feeling better from his bout of depression at the beginning of the month. He’s not magically fixed by any means but drawing has helped distract him. He wishes it was spring break but that’s not until the beginning of April. He wants to do something fun but he doesn’t know what. He’ll ask Kaidan soon.

He’s starting to get bored though. He’s been working on this thing for hours now. It’s the weekend and his homework’s all finished. Ryan’s hanging out with other friends. Cal leaves his stuff on the table and walks into his bedroom. His skateboard is on the floor, maybe he’ll go to the skate park. It’s been ages since the last time he’s gone. He starts going through his contacts on his phone but then realizes...he kinda wants to just go alone. He’s not in the mood to entertain anyone or even talk, he just wants to move around and do something.

He grabs his backpack and empties it over his bed. Then he tosses his phone, wallet, house key, and a water bottle inside instead. He grabs his skateboard and leaves. The park will be crowded on a Saturday but whatever.

Shepard spends a couple hours there. Other people are around just as he thought, but nobody bothers him. The entire day, he feels like he’s just drifting around. Maybe he’s not better after all. He’s tired and doesn’t really want to be around anyone right now.

When he tells Ryan about it later that night, he agrees that Cal’s probably not back to his normal self. “You’re going through a lot right now,” Ryan says. “It’s not going to suddenly disappear. Look, I’ve been researching the whole tattoo removal process. The clinic you talked about does free consultations, maybe we could get one and that way we can plan ahead, see if they have payment plans, that sort of thing.”

“What’s the point...?” he mutters, already feeling defeated. “And I-I told you I didn’t want to take more of your money.”

“It’s true that I can’t afford that sort of cost, and insurance companies are going to count it as a cosmetic procedure, but let’s just get an estimate,” he gently urges. “Maybe it’ll be less than we think. At least you’ll have a solid goal to work towards.”

He sighs but then says, “Okay. I’ll call Monday.”

~~~~~

His appointment is Thursday afternoon. Ryan’s boss will let him take a late lunch to drive Cal to the clinic. Shepard knows he’s going to be depressed once the consultation is over but Ryan’s right--better to have an exact figure so he knows exactly how much he needs to work. They might have some sort of payment plan that he’ll be able to afford sooner rather than later.

He doesn’t tell Kaidan about any of it. Not yet, not until it’s real. It’s just a stupid distant dream for now. But it’s bothering him more and more. Maybe nobody outside this city knows what the fuck his red dagger means but he does and he doesn’t need such a blatant reminder of the mistakes he’s made. Maybe once the tattoo is gone, he’ll feel like he’s actually made some sort of progress in life. It’s one thing to say he’s staying away from the Reds, it’s another to commit to this removal.

Or maybe he’s being too hard on himself, he can hear both Ryan and Kaidan saying so. Maybe.


	38. Chapter 38

Shepard buckles his seatbelt and stares straight ahead. He doesn’t look as Ryan gets in the driver’s side.

“Cal...”

“It’s fine,” he forces out. “I knew it’d be a lot. Serves me right for getting this stupid tattoo anyways.” Two hundred dollars per session. They have no way of predicting the exact amount of sessions actually needed but they said probably closer to ten. Maybe even more. It’ll take ages to save up that kind of money. When he starts working, he wants to pay Ryan rent. At least a little something to help contribute--though in reality Cal knows he’ll never _truly_ be able to repay Ryan for everything he’s done for him. He’d like to learn how to drive eventually and get a car too.

But everything costs money. And...if he decides to...take classes at the community college, that’s another huge expense.

“Maybe I’m focusing too much on this,” he murmurs. “Maybe this is just a huge waste of money. What’s one stupid dagger on my arm?”

“It’s been bothering you a lot. It’s allowed to bother you. Once you start working, we can pool our money together and...” He sighs. “I’m sorry, I wish I could help more.”

Shepard’s gaze immediately shoots towards him. “Y-you’re apologizing to _me?_ That’s fucking laughable. You’ve already done so much for me.”

“I just wish I could help with this too. I can see how much it hurts you.”

Cal doesn’t say anything else in response and Ryan pulls out of the parking lot. The drive home is quiet and remains that way until they park.

“Are you gonna be okay on your own?” Ryan asks.

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure? Maybe Kaidan can come over.”

“I haven’t told him about any of this yet.”

“Oh...why not?”

He shrugs. “No point. Thanks for taking me...I’ll let you get back to work.”

Ryan leaves and he stays out front smoking for a while. His friend is right, it does hurt. But he wishes he could figure out why it does. When he finally goes back in, he decides to skip his homework for a night. One day of missed assignments won’t matter. Instead, he draws. He wants to start gathering some of his favorite works from over the years and put them in...a portfolio basically. But not for anything other than his own amusement, so he can see his own progress. He focuses on that for the rest of the afternoon. Art is his comfort, his safety. No matter how much he’s changed over the years, that will always remain the same.

~~~~~

‘Are you coming home for dinner? If not, I won’t bother cooking anything,’ Cal sends a text to Ryan.

‘Yeah, I’ll be home.’

When he reads that reply, he drags himself off the couch and into the kitchen. Kaidan invited him over since it’s Friday night but he made an excuse. He feels bad for blowing his own boyfriend off but he knows if he goes over there then he’ll just be a drag the whole time. He’s just not in a good mood yet. But he knows he should tell Kaidan what’s going on...he just doesn’t know how. He won’t quite understand, and although that’s not Kaidan’s fault, he just...

Maybe he’s self-conscious. Maybe he thinks talking about his tattoo and reminding Kaidan that he’s a former gang member will make him reconsider their relationship. That’s the last thing Cal wants. But deep down he knows that pushing him away isn’t good for them either.

He puts on music then tries to focus on the food he’s making instead. He’s tired of feeling bad, he doesn’t need anything else to worry about. Besides, it’s not like he has to keep this a secret from Kaidan. He can tell him whenever he wants. He can tell him...

When Ryan comes home, he changes then sits in the kitchen with Cal. They talk about their days, Cal bringing up the new project they’re working on in art. He starts doing dishes while waiting for the oven but Ryan tells him to leave them, that he’ll do them in a bit. Shepard sits down, they still have a few minutes before dinner’s ready. It’s quiet for a bit, Cal not knowing what to say, until Ryan speaks.

“I talked to my parents today.”

“Yeah? Is everything alright over there?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I was just telling them about the consultation.”

“Oh.” He doesn’t care that Ryan told them, it’s not like they don’t know about everything else.

“I was telling them how much it was probably going to cost and they asked about how you were doing otherwise and stuff. Then they called me back a little while later and said they’d pay for the removal in full.”

Cal stares at him then blinks. His eyebrows furrow as he tries to process what Ryan just said. “Uh...what?”

“My parents said they would pay for your tattoo removal. As a gift.”

He keeps staring then looks down at the table. His eyes fill with tears. What could he have possibly done to deserve such a generous gift? “Really?”

“Yeah,” Ryan says with a smile. “You can start the process whenever you’re ready.”

He starts crying. “I-I should call them. Oh man, I...” He can barely string a sentence together. He can barely believe this.

“You can call after dinner. It’s gonna happen, Cal. It’ll be gone before you know it.”

The timer goes off and Ryan gets up to grab the baking dish out of the oven. As soon as he puts it on the counter and turns around, Cal gets up and hugs him. There’s a lot on the tip of his tongue right now--‘I don’t deserve this,’ ‘you’re a better friend than I’ll ever be,’ and other self-deprecating things. But instead Shepard opts for a quiet,

“Thank you.”


	39. Chapter 39

“A-are you sure?” Cal asks.

“Yes, of course,” Ryan’s mom says. “Ryan’s told us how much progress you’ve made this year and if this is going to help you further, then we’re happy to pay for it. We’re proud of you, Cal. Leaving that gang couldn’t have been easy but you did it. So consider this an early graduation present of sorts.”

“Thank you so much. Just...thank you. This means a lot to me.”

After they hang up, it still doesn’t feel quite real. This removal is happening, Ryan’s parents are giving him a huge gift. He can tell Kaidan now. He’ll have concrete proof that his old life is truly behind him. He decides to call him up.

“Hey, babe,” Kaidan answers after a few rings.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“Getting ready to go out with Ash and Tali. I think Garrus might be coming too...what’s up? Are you alright?”

“Oh, yeah, just wanted to know if you want to hang out tomorrow instead.”

“Sure. What time?”

“You wanna come over around two?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Sorry to cut this short, but I think they’re here. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

He’s a bit surprised to hear Garrus is hanging out with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s friends without him...but he knows it’s because of Tali. He’s not sure if they’re actually dating yet. He knows they haven’t made it ‘Facebook official.’

He puts it out of his mind. He spends the rest of the evening with Ryan and hopes Kaidan isn’t mad at him when he explains everything tomorrow.

~~~~~

“Sorry I blew you off yesterday,” Shepard apologizes. They’re sitting in the living room of the apartment.

“You haven’t been quite yourself lately. But you keep saying you’re fine. I wouldn’t be able to pin it if you asked me what was different but there’s something.”

“Yeah, I...I’m getting my dagger tattoo removed. I got the idea in my head but it’s really fucking expensive, but Ryan told me to go get a consultation anyways. And it’s a lot, just like we knew it was going to be but then he told me last night that he talked to his parents and they said they’d pay for it all.” He sucks in a large breath after all that talking. “I didn’t tell you because...” He sighs and rubs at his face and looks at anything besides Kaidan. “If it wasn’t happening, I didn’t see the point but it is happening so...now I’m gonna have proof that I want different things out of life. I’m never going back to the Reds.”

“I know that. If this is what you want, I’m behind you completely. But the proof is already there. You’re doing so well and I’m so proud of you. That’s true whether you still have that tattoo or not.”

“I just...I guess didn’t want to remind you that we come from completely different walks of life.”

“Yes, we do. Very much so. But that’s...that’s not a bad thing. I mean, what happened in your childhood wasn’t fair. I don’t mean that, I, uh-”

“Heh, I know what you mean. I just get self-conscious sometimes. I don’t know.” He feels completely uncomfortable with this conversation but he knows he has to be honest with Kaidan.

Kaidan scoots closer to him. “I promise I’m never going to judge you or look down on you or anything. I love you, all of you.” He hugs him and Cal hugs back.

“You’re not mad?” When Kaidan pulls back, Shepard notices that he doesn’t quite look him in the eye.

“No. I, uh, don’t really have the right to be even if I wanted to.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I’ve...gotten a couple acceptance letters.”

“That’s a huge deal, why would you keep that secret?” Cal asks before he can stop himself. “Which schools?”

“One out of state and the other one’s the school near Ryan’s parents. Are you really asking why _I_ kept a secret?”

“Well, it’s...it’s important, yeah. This is going to be your life for the next four years.”

“Yeah, but we haven’t talked about it. Like, at all. I applied to different schools and you probably can’t tell me all of them.”

“Well, fuck, I don’t know what you don’t tell me.”

“I know, I know. I didn’t mean it like...we need to talk about this.”

“Which school do you want to go to?”

“I did apply to one that’s within driving distance. But that’s...my last choice. If I get accepted. I don’t really want to leave the state either.”

“You have to have one in mind.”

“The one by Ryan’s parents. I’m leaving for a few days during spring break. We’re going up there to tour the campus.”

“What about...what about us?” Cal hesitantly asks. He knows what he wants but what if Kaidan wants something different-

“It’s only a few hours away,” he says hurriedly. “I’ll be back during breaks and we can still talk and video chat.”

He breathes a sigh of relief. “I don’t want to break up. That’s not what I’m saying _at all_. We’ll make it work, I want to do this long distance thing.” No, he absolutely doesn’t want to be so far away from Kaidan for such large amounts of time but...that’s how it has to be for a while. Cal’s willing to do it for him, he wants him to go to his favorite university. If Kaidan decides to stay in town and go to the commuter school because of him...

A small selfish part of him likes that idea, but that’s not what Cal truly wants for his boyfriend. Just because _he_ doesn’t want to go to a university doesn’t mean he gets to drag his boyfriend down too.

“I’m happy you got accepted into your first choice. That’s a big deal. How long have you known?”

“A few days. But...I knew something was up with you so I waited.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you earlier so we could clear it up. You shouldn’t have had to wait.”

“Guess we both need to work on speaking up.”

“Yeah.”

Shepard’s not sure how he feels right now. He kind of wishes he could go with Kaidan to look at the campus but he’s probably going with his parents and that’ll be awkward. At this point, he just hopes their relationship doesn’t start to feel like a countdown to the end of summer.


	40. Chapter 40

The removal process hurts less than Cal thought it would, but more than it did when actually getting the tattoo. It’s disappointing. He’ll have to wait at least six weeks between each session, by the time it’s gone it will probably be a year. One session down...numerous ones to go. He thought he’d feel better once the process started but right now he just wishes it was over.

He asks Ryan to drop him off at a plaza near the apartment so he can eat lunch. Ryan doesn’t have time to go with him, he needs to return to work. Cal is alone. Kaidan’s gone to tour campuses, other friends left to party for spring break. Even Wrex and Garrus are gone today. They’re spending the day at the beach that’s over two hours away. He was invited but had to decline to make it to his appointment.

As Cal eats his sandwich and fries, he keeps wondering why he’s in such a down mood. Maybe Ryan’s right, maybe he needs to sit his crazy ass down in a therapist’s office and sort this bullshit out with a professional. The thought of doing so makes him want to hiss but what else can he do?

When his food is gone, he orders a sundae to finish things off. He eats his ice cream and looks at stupid pictures on his phone, laughing quietly to himself. He pays his bill, leaves a tip, then walks home. Art is on his mind, the other day Kaidan suggested posting things online.

‘If people like your work, they’ll pay you to draw stuff for them.’

He’s sure it’s not that easy, and how would he even advertise himself? He’s on facebook and has a twitter but that’s mostly just friends. Maybe he’ll luck out and some rich stranger will pay him copious amounts to draw weird sex scenes or something. And would people even respond to traditional mediums? Or does he have to post only digital stuff? He supposes there’s no actual rules but...

Fuck it. He’ll just go home and draw more video game characters in sexy poses. At least Kaidan likes his work. Wrex has always been a big fan too, especially of the nude stuff. He even looked online to check what sort of art classes his community college offers. Quite a few actually, basic drawing 101, life drawing, watercolors, illustration. If he wanted, he could get an AA in art. _If_ he wants to though is the big question. He even saw a poster for art club--though it’s right in the middle of his high school classes so he can’t go. But that’s okay because he goes to the one at lunch with Edi and everyone else every Tuesday.

By the time he enters the apartment, he’s feeling better. Cal just has to remember all the good things going on in his life, which compared to years prior is a lot. Although he’s always been adamant about not wanting to continue his education after high school, now that he’s on track to graduate he kind of wants to. _Maybe._ He has no regrets over not applying to art schools--that’s still a far away fantasy that he doesn’t care much about. But he can take a few classes at the college, work at whatever job he finds, still live with Ryan, and hang out with friends.

Maybe sometimes he’ll even be able to take the bus to whichever university Kaidan chooses. He still hates the idea of having to be so far apart for such large amounts of time, but that’s how it needs to be. He knows that, even if he doesn’t like it.

As he grabs a drink from the fridge, his phone vibrates on the table. It’s Kaidan.

‘How did your appointment go?’

‘It hurt but not too terrible. I have to wait six weeks until my next one.’

‘Does it look any different yet?’

‘Not really. I think I’m just imagining it. Did you go to the school already?’

‘Yeah, it looks really great. I like it a lot here.’ He tells Cal a few things from the tour. They’re supposed to check out another school that’s out of state but even though it’s over text, Cal can tell how excited he is about this one. Kaidan was ecstatic when he got accepted, this is probably the school he will choose.

‘What are you up to now?’

Cal grins and sends a picture of his current project. ‘Drawing naked dudes.’

‘My favorite. I’ll let you get back to work, we’re gonna grab a late lunch.’

He puts his phone down and picks up a pencil. But then he leans back in the chair and stares at the stove. If he ever wanted to go to a university, what would that look like? He already knows he doesn’t want to leave the state, or even go that far away. The thought of living alone or living with strange roommates in another city without Ryan scares him. He’s been alone before and it isn’t all that great.

He laughs the entire situation away. Community college is one thing, he’s starting to get used to that now that he’s there two days a week. University was never meant for someone like him and he’s fine with that.


	41. Chapter 41

No one else is in the house so Cal has no qualms about walking through Wrex’s hallway in nothing but his underwear. They jumped in the pool earlier even though it wasn’t too warm out. A mistake. Shepard took a shower after Wrex to warm up.

His friend is lying on his bed watching tv when he enters. He sits at Wrex’s desk and starts rubbing lotion onto his skin. He doesn’t like feeling dry. A habit Kaidan’s gotten him into. He notices Wrex looking at him but thinks nothing of it.

“When’s your boy toy coming home?”

“Tomorrow,” Cal answers. Saturday. The second to last day of spring break.

“Oh, I thought it was today. Is he coming to your birthday dinner?”

“Yeah. His parents are too.” Shepard would like to have it on his actual birthday but that’s a few more days away on Tuesday. The week they have to return to school.

Wrex laughs. “That’ll be fun.”

“They’re trying I guess.”

“At least they’ll get you a good gift.”

“Heh, true.” He doesn’t actually care about that. A small bonus sure but he’d rather they just like him. He stretches and groans loudly, then jumps right over Wrex to the other side of the bed. His friend looks at him again and this time he does speak up. “Something wrong?”

“Uhh, no. N-nothing.” But he stutters and that is definitely _not_ something Wrex usually does.

“Holy fuck. And here I thought you were a good liar all these years.”

Wrex rolls his eyes then mutters, “Just appreciating the view. Been a while since the last time.”

“O-oh. Heh, yeah, it has.” Over a year in fact. Cal never realized that Wrex ever gave it much thought. Maybe he doesn’t. Cal’s been strutting through the house, hard not to stare at the only other person around. He’s about to question it further but hesitates because he knows how awkward it’ll make things. But then Wrex wants to know if he wants a snack and he hurriedly says yes. “I’ll go with you and make us cocktails.”

The subject changes, the moment’s gone. Shepard knows he’s overthinking things. They had some fun together for a while and then decided they’d be better off as friends. Well, friends who didn’t sleep together. It was all a long time ago.

“You’re daydreaming, come on and make those drinks!”

Shepard snaps out of it and stares at Wrex, who sounds like himself again. “So impatient!” But he goes to the fridge while Wrex heads for the cupboards.

With drinks in hand, Cal suggests taking a picture to send to Kaidan. They make the goofiest faces they can. ‘Went swimming but it’s cold so that was a bad idea.’

They’re both clearly shirtless in the photo but Kaidan knows that Cal just likes stripping when possible. But his reply leaves both boys howling.

‘Wouldn’t mind being sandwiched between that.’

‘There’s always tomorrow, babe.’

He giggles then puts his phone down. They start eating and talking, and everything is back to normal between them.

~~~~~

Cal grins as everyone sings to him. Then he blows out the candles on the cake Ryan bought him from an actual bakery. Chocolate cake and chocolate frosting, his favorite. Ryan starts cutting slices for everyone. For all Cal knows, his real birthday could be today. He’s not actually sure but legally it’s listed as April 11th. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. He’s surrounded by his close friends, they just finished a good dinner, he’s gotten more gifts this year than ever before. Kaidan’s going to spend the night, their one and only night before school starts back up.

When the bill comes, Kaidan’s dad quickly grabs it before Ryan can even react and his mom puts her credit card inside. Ryan tries to talk them out of it, but they insist and the waiter takes it again.

“We’re happy to be here celebrating with you guys,” Evelyn says. “Thank you for inviting us.”

“Oh wow. Uh, thank _you,_ ” Cal responds. He hopes they don’t feel pressured to keep buying things as a way to show that they’re ‘trying’ with him. But he doesn’t want to overthink it so he just accepts the very kind gesture from them.

When Ryan’s driving him and Kaidan back to the apartment, he realizes he feels so much better than he has the past few weeks. The word ‘rejuvenated’ comes to mind and it’s true. Kaidan’s back and instead of moping about the distance between them, he feels proud of his boyfriend for getting accepted into the university he wanted.

Later on, as they kiss in his bedroom and tumble onto the bed, he knows how much he loves Kaidan and no distance can change that. His own life is heading in a good direction too and he won’t allow anything to change that either.


	42. Chapter 42

It’s a choice to ditch English and catch an early bus to the college. Cal thinks it’s a fair trade, he has a history midterm and wants to study a little beforehand. Tests don’t usually make him nervous, for most of his life he’s never really cared at all about them. But history doesn’t interest him the same way a class like physics does. This teacher seems laid back though so maybe her test will be okay. They’ve never had a quiz before. Their only assignments are the midterm, the final, and a couple essays. He got a C+ on the first essay.

A geometry test is on Friday but his next big test is the AP Physics exam. He and Kaidan have been studying together but he’s confident in his science abilities. His A as been steady in that class, same as art but that’s not a surprise to him or anyone. They’re currently working with pastels in art and it’s been fun. He hasn’t had quite as much time for drawing now that he’s actually trying in the rest of his classes and he doesn’t like that. Ryan says ‘it’s a good thing ultimately’ but it’s hard to see it that way even if it is true.

He sighs and rests his head on his notebook. Everyone else in the library looks stressed too. Class starts soon, he should probably pack up. He shoves everything into his backpack then leaves his little section of the library. Other students have entire tables covered in text books and laptops and notes. He’s glad he only has one test today, then he gets to go home early. His stretching instructor canceled class this morning.

The essay portion of his exam is harder than he likes and he struggles to string a few paragraphs together. A few students have already turned their tests in and left, about half are gone before he’s somewhat satisfied with his own. He puts his test on the professor’s desk and immediately heads for the bus stop.

On the way home he decides to text Wrex since he was bitching to him about his test during lunch. ‘That test was fucking stupid. I’m glad there’s only two of them.’

‘Better than the essay you were complaining about?’

‘...Maybe. Depends what grade I get back. I have a geometry test on Friday.’

‘And then there’s econ next week. Don’t you have ap exams too?’

‘Just the physics one. Not worried about it. I feel bad for Kay though, he’s going kinda crazy.’

‘How many does he got?’

‘Four. Physics, calculus, french, and world history. They’re all the same week too.’

‘Why in the fuck would someone choose to do all that? Especially senior year.’

‘I told him he was nuts, he finally agrees.’

‘What’s his last class?’

‘Honors English.’

‘...What the fuck.’

Cal doesn’t understand it either. Kaidan must like to torture himself, there’s no other explanation for his class load. He doesn’t even understand how Kaidan finishes all that homework. He’s not the only one either, there’s an entire group of them taking most or all of those AP classes. Shepard wants nothing to do with any of those nerds. Besides his boyfriend of course.

He walks into the apartment and it’s empty. It’s still too early for Ryan to be off work. He fixes himself a snack and then begrudgingly works on geometry homework to prepare for his test in two days. When he’s done, he moves to the living room to play video games and loses track of time. He doesn’t realize Ryan’s way late until he’s walking in the door.

“Hey, you,” Ryan greets. “How’d your test go?”

“Fine, I think. I still suck at essays. Where’ve you been?”

“Oh, went to dinner with some friends. Met this guy Ronan, friend of a friend who just moved here. Like here here, in the same complex as us. His sister’s coming too but she got held up for another week. Uh, they both play music and have been in bands so we were talking about that. He plays drums, she plays guitar and piano. We have similar tastes in music.”

Cal grins. “You seem particularly excited about these siblings.”

“I think Ronan might want to start a band. Cal, it has been so long since anyone actually wanted to start a band with me. Oh fuck, I hope I didn’t come across as too eager.”

“Don’t start overthinking things. Most people tend to love you, you’re like a friend magnet.”

“We exchanged numbers. I said we could hang out when his sister comes. Or whatever. We’ll see.”

“I’m sure he’ll want to.” Cal hopes it works out. Ryan does seem excited. Shepard likes to play around on Ryan’s keyboard but he’s not as into music as his friend is. He’s sure they’ll hit it off though. Making friends has never been one of Ryan’s difficulties.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Cal would be proud of me for reaching 69 kudos with this fic (but please, I would love more if you enjoy my story). Also, it's been almost ten years since I've taken my AP Euro exam. Yeesh, I don't miss that class

Cal’s going through his physics notes again when Kaidan walks into the classroom Monday morning. Their AP exam is at noon and they don’t need to go to other classes today because of it. Shepard still has college classes later though and that’s annoying. Kaidan takes a seat next to him and looks exhausted.

“Are you, uh, ready?” Cal asks carefully.

Kaidan shrugs and it’s the most defeated he’s seen him in a while. “I guess so. I need help with one thing...” He unzips his backpack and pulls his own papers out. Physics today, calculus and French tomorrow, then Thursday is world history.

Shepard explains as best he can the concept Kaidan’s still not understanding. He knows his boyfriend has been studying a ton and will probably only be satisfied if he scores 5 on all of them. That’s a lot to reach for, even for him. But once this week is over, that’s pretty much it. For Kaidan anyways. Just one final in honors English. Cal still has all his but they’ll be taken early. And art has no tests, just a final project where once again, he can draw whatever he wants. It’s a toss up between his room or a landscape. He enjoys backgrounds.

Graduation is exactly three weeks away. His college classes end the week prior. Everything feels like it’s happening quickly now. But he’s on track to graduate. His grades are good and he ended up with a B on his history midterm. His essay skills are improving a little and he feels more confident.

When it’s time, the class leaves together and heads for the building the exams take place in. Cal’s not nervous about physics, he’s just worried about his boyfriend’s sanity. But he’s good at math and speaks French fluently so those should be okay. Cal doesn’t know much about world history but it sounds like it sucks. If Kaidan would stop being a perfectionist, he’d be fine.

Shepard hates having to be so quiet for so long while taking the exam. There’s nothing on the test that feels _too_ challenging. For all of Davis’ faults, he prepared them well enough. When they walk home, Kaidan seems a tiny, tiny bit relieved.

“One down, three to go,” he mutters.

“You’ll do fine. You’re good at math and French.”

“I guess. I feel like my brain’s gonna explode.”

“I mean, maybe. But we’re almost there.”

Cal’s happy to be almost finished with high school, but at the same time that means they’re getting closer to Kaidan leaving. He’s officially going to the school near Ryan’s parents. Well, ‘near’ is sort of inaccurate. It’s still an hour away from them. And over four hours away from Cal. He leaves at the end of August, they still have three months.

“Wait, don’t you have to go to your other classes?” Kaidan suddenly realizes.

“Eh, I’m ditching. We’re not doing anything important in history and stretching is pass/fail. I’ve only missed one other time so I’m gonna pass. If you want, I can ditch all day tomorrow and help you study.”

Kaidan laughs. “Ah, thanks for the offer that I’m sure is _completely_ genuine, but no. You have your own finals to get ready for.”

He groans but doesn’t complain. Anything’s better than four AP exams. “At least with art, we get to turn in our projects early. Well, seniors do.”

“Have you started yet?”

“No. Still trying to pick a location.”

“Are you...going to take art classes next semester?”

Shepard chews on his lip a bit. “I-I think I am. I mean, I’m already registered at the school, I might as well. I’ll skip the basic drawing class.”

“Ha, yeah, I think you’re a little past that. What’s the next course?”

“They have different ones. There’s drawing 1, 2, and 3. The second and third are both life drawing classes so I’ll sign up for 2. They have painting 1 and 2, a watercolors class, illustration, print making. A bunch of art history classes as well. I guess it depends which ones they offer in the fall. But I really want to take the watercolor one. If I want an AA though, then I need to take gen ed too. That’s so boring...”

“Do you know what exactly you have to take?”

“There’s a lot...like, too much. It’s overwhelming. Ryan said he could help me figure it out. Which is good because I really don’t want to talk to a counselor. I have to take placement tests for math and English over the summer.”

“When?”

“Uhh, by July I think. I’ll have to double check. I’m going to scratch my eyes out if I have to take geometry a third time in my life.”

“You’re in geometry but you clearly know more because of physics. I can help you study for that.”

“If I can get into pre-calc, that’ll be good. I need to be solid on trig.”

“I like trig-”

“Of course you do.”

“What about English?”

“I dunno, I’m hoping I place into 101. Otherwise I’ll have to take one or two classes that don’t count towards anything.” He notices Kaidan smiling and frowns. “What? You’re not laughing at how dumb I am, are you?”

Kaidan’s expression changes completely. “W-what? I would never laugh at you. And you’re not dumb. I was just thinking about when we first met and how adamant you were about not going to college. But now you sound really into it. I know you’ll enjoy the art classes but even this other stuff you don’t want to do, you’re doing it.”

“Oh...yeah, I don’t know what changed. Going to community college isn’t the worst thing I can do I guess.”

“Careful, don’t get too enthusiastic there.”

“It’s just going to be a lot going to school and working. I’d like to check out their art club too. And maybe even their GSA.”

“Maybe you can find a job at the school. I think going to those clubs would be good for you too. You like your current one.”

“Yeah, I do. I’ve made some friends there.” He grabs Kaidan’s hand but doesn’t say that he’s going to miss him a lot. Part of him worries that he’s just doing this college stuff so Kaidan doesn’t think he’s a loser and once Kaidan’s gone, he’ll just collapse and fall back into all his old habits. But he knows that’s not going to happen. He’s done all this work for himself, to improve his own life, and he started the process before ever meeting Kaidan. He’s glad to have a boyfriend who he loves dearly and who helps motivate him, but he’s not the singular reason. He’s done well this semester especially and he can keep going into the fall. It will be difficult not seeing Kaidan whenever he wants, but they will see each other again. Kaidan’s not moving away forever.

He doesn’t say anything, just suddenly pulls Kaidan towards him and kisses him. It’s returned enthusiastically. Maybe Kaidan’s reminding himself of the same sort of things.

A car honks and Cal pulls away, glare set on his face. Whoever ruined the moment is-

“Oh, it’s Garrus.”

“And Tali,” Kaidan points out.

The window rolls down. “Want a ride, nerds?” Garrus calls out.

Cal flips him off but both boys head for the car. They slide into the backseat and then Garrus is speeding off.

“How was physics?” Tali asks.

“A breeze,” Cal says. “I’m only exaggerating a little bit.”

“He’ll probably get a 5,” Kaidan says. “When was chemistry’s?”

“Last Monday. The day after that I had computer science. And tomorrow is calc...”

“Are...you two in the same class?” Shepard asks, wondering why he’s never noticed before.

“No, I’m in Calc AB,” Kaidan explains. “She’s in Calc BC.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m sure it’s all the same junk.”

“Eh, they do a few extra chapters. We have the same teacher though and he sucked.”

“That’s very true,” Tali adds.

“And you called me a nerd,” Shepard jokes with Garrus.

“I suppose I have a type.”

Kaidan raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“We’re finally making this official,” Tali says.

“Oh my god, fucking finally,” Cal groans. He doesn’t know what took them so long but he thinks it’s absurd. Good for them though.

They ask Kaidan and Shepard if they want to grab something to eat, but Kaidan declines in order to study. “I’m free and starving,” Cal assures them. They bicker over which restaurant to go to, but eventually the three of them finally agree.

Cal gets home closer to the evening, spending more time with the new couple than he expected. He sits on the couch for about thirty seconds before he’s bored.

“I should pick something to draw,” he mutters to himself and stands. For some reason, he really likes the idea of drawing his room. But he doesn’t want to do perspective bullshit. He looks around, maybe searching for an interesting item when he sees his skateboard. He picks it up and puts it on his desk. He sees the red baseball cap that he wears often. He places it on top of his board. The closet is next. Cal digs out one of the only teddy bears he’s ever owned.

When he was nine, he was hospitalized with the flu. It was December, so people handed out these bears to all the kids. He distinctly remembers it being the only Christmas present he received that year. He loved the bear a lot. Fuzzy goes next to his hat.

He digs out the boxes under his bed. He’s collected a lot of knick-knacks over the years, he hates throwing things out. A couple cool rocks when Garrus was going through a weird geology phase are added to the pile as well as his original Nintendo DS that he’s kept despite having a new one now. His backpack sits by the door and he unzips it. He carries a pocket knife on him at most times, this is the one Wrex gave him last year as a birthday gift. He opens the blade, realizing he might get in trouble for having a weapon depicted because this is still high school. But whatever. He adds more things--a half dollar Kaidan gave him, various art supplies, figurines from video games, a rainbow bracelet. After a moment, he shrugs and tosses his pack of cigarettes too.

The front door opens and he realizes he doesn’t really have anything here to remind him of Ryan--the friend responsible for so many good things happening in his life, the person he loves more than words can express.

“Rye, let me borrow your ukulele!” he shouts.

“Go ahead!” he calls back. “Wait, shouldn’t you be at school?”

He opens his door and walks out to the living room. “I ditched. I deserved it after physics.”

“It was bad then?”

“What? No, I kicked its fucking ass. I just deserve nice things.” He follows Ryan into his room, where he hands him his blue ukulele.

“You gonna play it?”

“Nope, art project instead of a final. I have stuff from Garrus, Wrex, and Kaidan, and my skateboard and teddy bear.”

“Fuzzy?”

“Yeah. I’m using colored pencil. Want to see it?”

“Uh-huh.”

Cal walks down the hall again and points at his desk. “Does it...does it just look like a mess?”

“No, I like it. A representation of your life.”

“I was just going to draw my room or something but I like this a lot more. Oh, but it needs one more thing...” He props Ryan’s ukulele against the wall behind everything. Then he steps back and smiles. “I like it too,” he says as Ryan puts a hand on his shoulder. It is a representation of his life, and he likes the way it looks right now.


	44. Chapter 44

Two weeks until graduation.

AP exams are finally over, Kaidan’s still alive and in tact. They celebrated Friday night by getting very drunk with friends. Shepard’s not quite done with his art project but he’ll finish in a couple days. He does get to take his geometry exam today though. He’s one of the only seniors in that class. Econ is on Wednesday, English Friday. History is next Wednesday, while next Monday is his last day of stretching since there’s no final.

And that’s it. Just wait for graduation. Time to leave this school behind. The person he was as a freshman and the person he is now are like night and day. It’s still weird to think about. So far, he has a B or higher in all his classes, even the boring ones he hates.

He’s having trouble focusing on art today. His test is next period so he pushes his papers out of the way and grabs his notes. A few minutes later, the teacher walks through the room and stops right in front of him.

“Is this part of your final project?”

He looks up. “My geometry final is next period. I’m going to be very embarrassed if I fail it.”

“Aren’t you in AP physics?”

“Yeah, my counselor made an exception for me to take. know math. Just don’t want to mess it up a second time.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine. But go ahead and study the rest of the period.”

“Thank you.”

The bell rings, he packs up and heads to the library. They have a separate room used for testing. Other students fill it but he manages to snag a seat in back. He takes out his calculator and pencil then gets to work.

When he’s done, he turns it in to the adult sitting up front then leaves. There’s twenty minutes between now and when he has to be in physics, another class where there’s nothing left to do. It’s nice things are winding down but it’s also incredibly boring. Kaidan’s in French right now so he walks over there.

‘Where’s your teacher at?’ he texts.

‘Uh, sitting at her desk?’ Kaidan replies quickly. They must be doing nothing too.

Cal pushes his face against the dirty window. The teacher isn’t paying attention and he searches for Kaidan. Most of the nearby students look and he finally sees his boyfriend somewhere in the middle. He grins and waves. Kaidan waves back. The teacher finally looks up and he jumps back, ready to hide. A minute later, he’s looking again and motioning for Kaidan to come outside. He does and Cal immediately kisses him.

“How was your final?” Kaidan murmurs, lips moving to Shepard’s neck.

“I passed,” he says distractedly. His arms wrap around Kaidan’s waist. “Wanna ditch physics and go for a long lunch?”

“I’ve already missed so much of that class though.”

“Nothing important. He’s been doing experiments ‘for fun.’ I had to partner up last week with two people I’ve never even talked to before.”

“Ah, poor you.”

“I know. So you can make it up to me by going to lunch.”

“Fine. But you are not ditching English or your college classes.”

“Deal. I’ll wait out here until the bell rings.”

“Just a few more minutes.”

Ten more but Cal leans against the wall and waits patiently. When fourth period is dismissed, he reaches for Kaidan’s hand and they leave campus together.

~~~~~

His last final as a high school student is completed. He walks out of history confident that he’ll have at least a B in the class. They have graduation practice on Friday and then the actual thing Monday evening. And then...that’s it. He never has to see 99% of his classmates ever again. He’ll be a college student in a school that’s much larger, where the students are afraid of him or starting rumors about him or judging him.

He’ll just be a normal nineteen year old, going to school and work, living with his best friend and visiting his boyfriend.

Cal walks to the bus stop for the last time until August. There is no way he’s signing up for summer classes. But then he remembers that he still hasn’t taken his placement tests. Kaidan’s supposed to help him study and he supposes it’s better to get it done sooner instead of later. So he gets on the bus for the second to last time until August.

But then he also remembers graduation is at this school’s football field, like all the high schools. But at least Ryan will be driving him so he won’t have to take the stupid bus.

After practice on Friday afternoon, Cal and Kaidan head back to the apartment. Shepard’s getting lazy but Kaidan pushes him to study for the placement test. He’s even got math lessons printed out and a checklist of what Cal should know. He’s been studying some on his own, his trigonometry skills are lacking. English, he doesn’t really know what he can do besides memorize terms and grammar rules.

“Do you know how to draw graphs?” Kaidan asks as Shepard grabs a beer from the fridge. He holds one out to his boyfriend in offering and Kaidan nods.

“Yeah, I can figure it out.”

“Then figure these out.”

Cal groans loudly and dramatically.

“You don’t want to do this now, you’ll really not want to do it in a week or a month.”

“I know, I knoooooooow.”

“If you do your work, I’ll give you a reward later,” Kaidan says and winks.

Cal does perk up. “Fine, you’ve made it worth my while.”

They study for what feels like an eternity. Then Kaidan asks, “How do you feel about logarithms?”

“I feel like I’m going to die.”

“Let’s save that for tomorrow then. You have a pretty solid grasp on trig, I don’t know why you pretended otherwise.”

“I’ve been studying on my own somewhat. But please, I’m begging, let’s stop for tonight.”

“Okay, okay. Wanna order a pizza for dinner?”

“Yes.”

Kaidan calls while Cal shoves the papers and calculators and pencils into the nearest backpack. Kaidan thinks it’d be best if Shepard takes the exam on Monday. That way, when they graduate, he’ll truly be ‘done’ for the summer. Cal agrees. Sort of. But for the rest of the night, he doesn’t want to do anything except eat and hang out. Ryan texts him, let’s him know he probably won’t be home until late.

‘I’m at Ronan and Mallory’s.’

“Who’re they?” Kaidan asks when he reads it out loud.

“Twins who live in this complex. I think they’re on the complete opposite side though. They’re all into the same music so he’s been hanging out with them. They started a band.”

“Oh, have they written any songs yet?”

“Not quite. Some covers. They’re kinda just messing around right now. I think Rye’s waiting to make it a more serious thing because he’s afraid of being overbearing. But he likes them a lot.”

They wander into the living room and find a movie to put on. Cal lays down on Kaidan’s lap, enjoying the feeling of fingers brushing through his hair. He’s very upset when the doorbell rings, even though it means food is finally here. But he gets up and pays as Kaidan grabs plates from the kitchen.

He fully intends to take Kaidan up on his ‘reward’ later on but instead the two of them fall asleep together on the couch. They groggily wake up when Ryan walks in the door.

“Heh, sorry, guys. Why don’t you go to bed?”

Both boys tell him goodnight and go to Shepard’s bedroom. Cal lazily strips down to his boxers, waits for Kaidan to do the same, then cuddles against him and falls back asleep.


	45. Chapter 45

Graduation is today.

Cal’s already gone to one for friends at a different school, their entire circle will be doing that until June. But now it’s his turn. He’s actually graduating, tonight he’ll get a diploma like everyone else. This was a place he never thought he’d be, that he never thought he’d _want_ to be. But he’s proud of himself. On the other hand, Kaidan’s disappointed he didn’t make valedictorian. They’re at different ends at the spectrum but that’s okay.

“Oh, I took my placement tests today,” he tells Ryan, who’s driving them to the college.

“You did? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I dunno. I was worried I’d fail. Well, there is no failing. But worried I’d be put in elementary math and English. And you’ve been at work all day. But anyways, I placed into English 101. So I think I’m going to take that in the fall and get it over with. And then math I placed into pre-calc.”

“Oh wow, you get to skip trig completely then?”

“Yeah, I studied a lot over the weekend with Kaidan. I plan to take math, English, and two art classes next semester.”

“That’s really great. I know how worried you were about those tests.”

“Yeah. Kay was right, it was better to get them over with.” The car falls silent and he stares out the window. “I feel kind of nervous but there’s nothing to be nervous about tonight. I’ll probably be bored most of the time and then I get my diploma, right?”

“Pretty much. Are you sitting near any of your friends?”

“Wrex is a couple rows behind me but otherwise no. Kaidan’s at the fucking front.”

Ryan pulls into the roundabout to let Cal out of the car. “It’ll be fine, a lot of sitting. I’m off to find parking. I’ll see you after the ceremony.”

He gets out, cap in hand, and starts walking towards the gym where they’re supposed to meet. He feels a little silly walking in his gown until he sees a couple people he recognizes from econ. They wave to him and the three of them end up walking together. Ryan bought him an entirely new outfit for this, even though Cal insisted that wasn’t necessary.

‘It’ll be under my gown, who cares if I just wear a t-shirt?’

But Ryan insisted so they went shopping. He’s wearing nice shoes, black pants, and a black button up. He even has a tie on, a green one that Kaidan said he liked because ‘it goes with your eyes.’ He won’t deny that wearing brand new clothes that fit properly is...nice.

He sends a group text to his friends. Some are there, some are running late. But Kaidan’s waiting for him and when Cal arrives, he doesn’t care who’s watching. He grabs Shepard and kisses him softly.

“I’m so proud of you,” Kaidan whispers.

“I owe a lot of thanks to you for motivating me and staying by my side this year,” Cal tells him. “You push me when I need it, give me support. I tease you and call you a nerd but I’m so, so proud of you too. You got into such a great school, I’m excited for you, for the next chapter in your life. Both our lives. I love you, Kaidan.”

Kaidan smiles and tears up. “I love you too. You make me so happy.” He hugs him and Cal lets his eyes drift close. It doesn’t matter that they’re surrounded by a bunch of bored, rowdy students, neither of them would choose to be anywhere else right now.

~~~~~

 

Three people.

Two people.

One more person.

“Cal Shepard!”

Their principal warned not to cheer too much or too loudly when individual names were called. But Cal has many friends and that doesn’t quite stop them. He feels a surge of pride as he walks across stage, despite knowing they won’t receive their actual diplomas until afterwards. As he walks off, he searches for Ryan in the stands. It’s not too difficult because his friend stands, not caring who’s behind him, to gain his attention.

He waves and then sees two people sitting next to him. He waves harder when he realizes it’s Ryan’s parents. They said they weren’t sure if they’d be able to make it. They must’ve come straight from the airport.

He returns to his seat, waits impatiently for everyone else to be called. He cheers for each of his friends.

Once the ceremony is over, once they have their real diplomas in hand, Wrex is the first person to find Shepard.

“We made it!” he bellows. “Who’d have thought the two of us would be here?”

“It’s been a fucking adventure,” Cal says. “But we’re in tact and ready to move the fuck on from this school.”

He laughs and they try to find more of their crowd. “I hear that.”

They find Ashley and Tali first, then Kaidan, then Garrus. Shepard sees Edi and breaks from them to go talk to her.

“Yo, Edi!” he waves.

“Hello, Shepard,” she greets.

“I just wanted to say...uh, congrats on going to New York and...thanks for inviting me to art club. It was super fucking random but I’m glad I got to be part of it this semester.”

She smiles, tells them they should hang out over the summer before she leaves, and then shakes his hand. It’s weird but he just grins when he returns to his friends. He sees Ryan searching for him, his parents not far behind. The biggest smile appears on Ryan’s face when their eyes meet and he hugs Cal tightly.

“I know I’ve said this a million times to you but I’m so proud of you. That night I met you feels like a completely different lifetime ago. You were going down such a rough path and when we became friends...I used to worry so much about you. When you moved in last year, I was terrified that you’d go out one night and never make it home. But I don’t have to worry like that anymore.” He pauses to take a breath and Cal sees the tears gathering in his eyes. “You have so much good inside you. You’re funny and warm and talented and smarter than you give yourself credit for. I’ve watched you blossom into a wonderful young man. You’ve come so far and I know you’re only going to go farther.   
You are my friend, and my family, and I will support you in whatever you want to do.”

He promised himself he wasn’t going to cry tonight but Ryan’s starting to and he can’t help himself. “The only reason I’m where I’m at is because of you. You didn’t have to take me in when I turned eighteen, you didn’t have to do...anything. But you have and I’ll always be grateful. You’re the only family I’ve ever known. If I’m kind, it’s because I had you to teach me and show me that I could choose a different path. Kaidan’s helped me a lot this year and so have you. It’s been really hard changing my habits and people I hang out with and leaving the gang, but knowing you’re behind me made it easier.”

They hug again and when they finally pull back, Ryan’s parents congratulate him. They did come straight from the airport. Then the pictures begin. So many pictures. With Ryan, his parents, then his friends join in. He takes a few with Kaidan and with Kaidan’s family too. Cal’s never been in this many photos in his entire life. But he doesn’t mind.

Everyone is supposed to go to a restaurant after. Reservations have already been made for their very large group. Cal and Kaidan drive with Ryan. Shepard’s happy right now. He’s content.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I had surgery and ended up not touching my computer for a couple weeks

The graduations and subsequent parties eventually come to an end, he and most of his friends did it. They survived high school. In the beginning of June, Cal has a second laser treatment done. It leaves his arm sore and red for a couple days.

He and Ryan have talked about him working. Ryan said it was okay not to look for a job the moment he was done with school. It was okay if he wanted to enjoy some time with Kaidan first. Cal plans to start looking soon though. But in the meantime, he and Kaidan do spend a lot of time together.

One night, when they return to the apartment, Ryan stops him. “You got a letter from the school.”

“Is it my report card?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t know what it is. I left it on the table.”

It’s much larger than a standard envelope but he doesn’t know what it could be. He opens it up and two things fall out. A small card and his art class final. He reads the card.

‘Congratulations on graduating, Cal. I thought you might want this back, I know I would. I think it goes without saying that I gave it an A+. It was a pleasure having you as a student this year, you are incredibly talented and such a hard worker. Keep at it because you can go far.’

He smiles then picks up his drawing. Kaidan rests his head on his shoulders as they both look at it. “You should hang it up.”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah. It’s like a picture of you but without you actually in it. We can get a frame the next time we’re out.”

Cal smiles. They go to his room since it’s late. As they get ready for bed, Shepard suggests they go to the beach. “It’s a bit of a drive but...we can bring Ash. And Wrex. Grunt will probably want to go too.”

“I do like that plan,” Kaidan says. “But, uh, I’m curious about something.”

“What?”

“What’s Grunt’s actual name?”

Cal stares at him.

“I mean, obviously it’s a nick-”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not. I have no clue. Even his mom calls him Grunt.”

Kaidan just laughs as he settles into bed.

~~~~~

Shepard’s soaked body hits his towel with a soft thud. His hand blindly reaches for his sunglasses. He and his friends decided to make the trip to the beach today. Wrex, Grunt, Kaidan, Ashley, and him. That’s all that fits in Wrex’s car. A two hour drive without traffic, it’ll probably be longer on the way home.

The others are playing volleyball, but he feels like lying down and taking in the sunlight. It’s been a couple weeks since he received his drawing from his teacher. They found a frame and Ryan put it in the living room. He’s been having fun during all his free time but Cal knows he needs to look for a job soon. He does want to work, but the only ‘job’ he’s ever had was running with a gang. He’s a bit nervous about the whole process.

But right at this moment, he doesn’t need to worry. Right now, he can just-

“Cal, heads up!”

His knees immediately draw up and arms cover his face. The volleyball lands in the sand next to his head. “Who the fuck hit that?”

“Grunt,” the other three say in unison.

“Hehe.”

“Grunt, you suck,” he playfully nips as he stands up to toss the ball back. He wants to join the game but the teams are uneven so they play monkey in the middle instead. The group spends most of the day playing on the beach and exploring the connected town. It’s well past dark when they come home. Kaidan and Cal get dropped off at the apartment. They eat a snack, despite getting ice cream before they left the beach, then take a quick shower before going to Shepard’s room.

“I have to start looking for a job soon,” he murmurs as he sits on his bed. “It’s been on my mind a lot.”

“You nervous?” Kaidan asks.

“Yeah. I’ve never done anything ‘normal.’ You’ve worked, haven’t you?”

“In a grocery store a couple summers. I, uh, don’t recommend it for you. You have to collect carts outside in the middle of summer and _you_ will be miserable. I can already hear you complaining.”

“Heh. Fuck that. I’d rather be a cashier in the air conditioning.”

“Other than that, you’ll have some customers that you’ll want to punch but you can’t do that.”

“See, that would’ve been okay in my old line of work.”

“You’ll do fine. Where are you going to apply?”

He shrugs. “I’m fresh out of high school with no ‘real’ experience. I don't have many options. I’ve never had to do an interview. I don’t-”

A loud knock interrupts him.

“Oh fuck, I forgot Ryan was out.” He jumps up and runs to the front door to unlock it. “Sorry,” he apologizes. “Your car’s in its usual spot so I forgot you were at Ronan’s.”

“It’s alright,” Ryan says, carrying his guitar case inside. Kaidan’s in the living room now and he waves to him. “How was the beach?”

“Fun. Kay was right, that town was nicer than our usual hang out.”

Ryan’s been spending more and more time with the twins lately. Cal’s glad he found someone to share music with. Shepard knows how to play the piano but he can’t write songs or strings chords together to make original music like Ryan can.

The couple eventually returns to the bedroom. Cal’s tired. When they lie down, he falls asleep faster than he means to.


	47. Chapter 47

Shepard sits on his skateboard in the shade as he watches someone try to kickflip down a small staircase. He’s with a decent sized group at a park, some are friends and some are strangers. It’s incredibly hot out, he’s starting to sweat through his shirt. Kaidan was right, he absolutely doesn’t want a job that requires him to be out in the heat. He’ll already need to take the bus and walk--why add to that?

He starts playing on his phone but looks up when someone rolls towards him. Garrus. “Thought you couldn’t make it,” Cal says.

His friend waves his hand. “Got in an argument with my dad so I left.”

“What about?”

“I don’t even know.” He watches Shepard light up a cigarette. “You look down today.”

“It’s been ten seconds. I’m fine, just hot.”

“I’ll say, babe.”

Cal rolls his eyes but laughs.

“You hear back from anyone yet?”

“No...I dunno what I’ll do if I get no calls back.”

Everyone near the staircase suddenly shouts and crowds around it. Cal and Garrus run over to see the commotion. The kickflip guy fell and broke his arm. He looks strangely calm as a couple friends hurry to take him the nearby parking lot. The group talks for a few minutes before skating resumes. Cal already wasn’t in the mood, now he definitely isn’t.

“Wanna get out of here?” he asks.

“After I just got here?” Garrus says. “Fine.”

“Did you drive?”

“Nope.”

“Ugh. Wanna go to the apartment? We can go swimming.”

“Yeah, sure.”

It’s while they’re racing each other down an empty street that Cal receives a phone call to set up an interview for an available cashier position. If Garrus wasn’t around, his anxiety probably would’ve prevented him from answering. He’s suddenly a bundle of nerves. Garrus assures him it’ll be fine but Shepard’s relieved to have him around as a distraction until Ryan gets home.

~~~~~

A lot of Cal’s anxiety dissipates once he’s finished with his very first job interview. The Reds taught him much more than how to fake a smile, they taught him how to swindle people to get what he wanted. He’s not exactly tricking his potential boss but the lessons help him answer all the questions like a normal person would.

Garrus dropped him off at the mall but he doesn’t have a ride back home. He’ll take the bus but first he goes to the food court to eat. His phone buzzes right as he takes a bite of sandwich and he fumbles for a napkin.

‘Is your interview over?’

Ryan. ‘Yeah, I’m eating at the food court now,’ he replies. About half a minute later, his phone rings. “Hello?”

“Hey, want a ride back home?”

“Yeah. Are you off?”

“Late lunch. Thought you’d want someone to talk to. How’d it go?”

“Okay. I think she like me anyways.”

“So was it worse in your head?”

“Yes...I feel better now.”

“That’s good. I’ll be there in about ten minutes, okay?”

“Alright, I’ll be done by then.”

He scarfs the rest of his food down and waits for Ryan to text him before going outside. Cal tells him about the interview. “I do feel okay about it. I...maybe they’ll call me back. Ironic that my first ‘job’ job might be at some preppy store in the mall.”

“You’re going to turn into one of them,” Ryan jokes.

“Ugh, probably. This is the only place that’s called me back...I hope I get it. I should know before the weekend.”

Ryan hangs out with him at the apartment for a while before he needs to return to work. That leaves Cal alone to do nothing except enjoy what’s hopefully the last few days of unemployment.


	48. Chapter 48

Cal’s heart beats fast as Ryan drives him to the mall. He got the job and his first day starts in fifteen minutes. A million things run through his head. What if he gets in a fight with a coworker or fights with a customer...he senses a theme with his thoughts. He just needs to remember to hold his tongue and not let his anger get the best of him.

Easy.

Well, maybe not easy, but he can do that. Otherwise, he should get the hang of this job quickly. Hopefully. Ryan wishes him luck and he walks through the mall alone. It’s still early and not many people are here yet. He enters the store and the woman who interviewed him is there. And then the person he’s supposed to train with emerges from the back room. And Cal feels his face twist up.

His grimace quickly turns to a fake smile. “Hey, Charlie.”

“Oh, you know each other?” their manager, Lorraine, asks.

“We went to school together,” Charlie explains.

Since having art club every week and government and econ every day, they learned to ignore each other. They can’t do that here, though Cal suspects Charlie will be more annoyed than him. He’s the one who hates Cal for no reason. Well, not _no_ reason but Charlie’s just overdramatic. The rest of the day feels awkward but they get through it. A few minutes before Cal clocks out, Wrex, Garrus, and Kaidan enter the store. Charlie narrows his eyes but all he says is, “Don’t be obnoxious.” Luckily, no real customers are in the store right now.

“You look like a conservative twink. How do you even pull that off?” Wrex laughs.

“Fuck off, I look good in anything.”

When his short shift ends, he blows Charlie a kiss and waves. The other boy rolls his eyes but waves back. They’ve been bickering but he’s honestly relieved it didn’t end in a real argument.

Kaidan grabs his hand as they leave and asks how his first day went. It was okay, no terrible customers (yet), and even spending time with Charlie wasn’t _so_ bad. Apparently quite a few kids from their school have worked at this one particular store. Cal has tomorrow off and then has to work Friday night. It’ll be busy but at least the time won’t tick by quite as slowly. He feels good right now. Maybe it’s ‘just a retail job’ but it’s concrete proof of the strides he’s making in his life.

~~~~~

Cal’s folding t-shirts when Charlie enters the store on Friday. “Hey, I didn’t know we could dye our hair,” he says, staring at the green stripe through Charlie’s.

“Yeah,” Lorraine confirms, handing off more clothes. “It’s ‘hip’ so it’s allowed.”

“It’s cute,” he teases Charlie. “I’ma dye my hair blue or something then. What about face piercings? I used to have a bunch.”

“Mm, one is okay. Multiple is pushing it.”

“Good to know.”

The store is busy tonight and Shepard’s doing his best not to feel overwhelmed. He likes interacting with people, for the most part anyways, but he’s still trying to learn everything. When he’s able to sneak away to the back for a minute, he answers his texts. He knows it’s not going to last but he enjoys that Kaidan comes to visit. He’s at the mall with Tali and they’ll meet up during his break.

When he finally gets his fifteen minutes, he tries not to run out of the store. He grins wide when Kaidan and Tali approach him. He greets her then closes his eyes as Kaidan kisses him slowly.

“Hey, babe,” Kaidan whispers in his ear.

“Hey, glad you could visit.”

Kaidan buys him and Tali pretzels from the nearby stand and they sit down to eat. They ask Cal if he needs a ride home later.

“Nah, I’m good. Ryan’s picking me up. Oh, but I just found out I’m allowed to dye my hair. Can you buy me some bleach?”

“Uh-huh. What color do you want?”

“Hmm. Blue or red?”

“Red will fade to orange pretty quickly,” Tali points out. “Blue can be a weird color but I think it’d look good on you.”

“Is your hair dyed?”

“It was purple for a while but I recently dyed it back to black. I’ve helped a lot of friends though.”

“I’m off on Sunday, you guys wanna come over and help me?”

“I’m free.”

“I’ll be there,” Kaidan says.

“Great. I gotta get back to it.”

“Hey, is Charlie giving you problems?”

“Nah. I know he thinks I’m annoying but we’ve been getting along. So far. We’ll see next week.”

“Just don’t say anything to him.”

“I know, I know. I’ll talk to you later.”

It’s late by the time he’s off. He sends a text to Ryan that he’s out then goes outside to wait. Even though it’s summer, it’s a little cold in his tight jeans and paper thin v-neck. A few stray pockets of teenagers still roam the area, no one he wants to talk to. But when he lights up a cigarette, a group of five approach him.

“Got a spare?” one asks him.

“Not for all of you,” he says. He pulls a single one out then flicks it towards them. He tries not to laugh as a few of them scramble for it. They keep talking to him and bothering and he wishes he had his knife on him. He usually carries it but didn’t think it’d be a good idea to bring it to work.

“You guys are like fifteen, get the fuck away from me.”

It takes another minute but they finally leave to the opposite side of the roundabout. He continues to wait alone, relieved when Ryan arrives. He stomps the remains of his cigarette out and hurries to get in the car.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My ultimate dream is to get 100 kudos on this fic before it ends. Help me get there?

Cal flings his tank top across the room and drags his desk chair into the bathroom. Tali’s mixing the bleach and Kaidan comes in with gloves. He’s always wanted to dye his hair but the Red’s never let him. ‘Your job is to blend in’ and that’s a little hard to do with hot pink hair. But he doesn’t need to worry about that anymore. Besides, he’s going to be an art student so he can look as weird as he wants. Once he saves up a bit, he can buy more clothes. And maybe he’ll re-pierce his eyebrow.

“Alright, you ready?” Tali asks.

“Yeah, let’s go. Make me a smokin’ hot blonde.”

A couple hours later, after the bleach has sat and been washed out, Ryan comes home. His eyes widen when he catches a glimpse of Cal.

“You look like you just saw a ghost,” Kaidan laughs.

“A blonde ghost,” he says.

“We match now!” Cal tells him. “We’re like twins!”

“Oh yeah, we look exactly alike. Is it staying that color?”

“No, I’m gonna dye it blue in a couple days. That’s allowed at work. I’ll...try not to get dye all over the bathroom.”

“Heh, something tells me that’s not going to happen,” he says and walks into the kitchen.

~~~~~

“Are you going to university?” Cal asks one night. It’s late and the end of another work week. He runs a hand through his blue hair. A few weeks have passed since he dyed it.

“No. I won’t bother asking if you’re going,” Charlie mutters.

“Hey, fuck you. I’m just trying to have a conversation, you cunt.”

He looks over at their manager, who’s at the cash register. Lorraine’s off today and neither of them are too fond of the man currently in charge. “Fine, sorry. Are you going to university?”

“Nope, didn’t even apply. Going to community college.”

“Me too. Art?”

“For fun, yeah. I don’t know if I want to pursue a degree.”

“You...are good at it.”

“Wow, you sound like I’m fucking forcing to to say that at gun point.” He sighs. “You hate me for no fucking reason.”

“How many times can you say ‘fuck’ in one sentence, I wonder.”

“How many times can you avoid a question?”

“What do you want me to say? You were a huge dick to my brother, why would I like you?”

Cal narrows his eyes, despite knowing exactly what Charlie was going to say. “I was not. I made sure Johnny knew exactly what he was getting into with me. He said he was fine with it, it’s not my fault he lied about that.”

“Now _you’re_ lying.”

“What? No, I’m not. I’m always upfront with hookups. I told him I didn’t do relationships. Ain’t he halfway across the country now anyways? I’m sure he has a nice boyfriend and I’m not even a thought in his head.”

“He said you led him on.”

“Fuck off, I did not.” He’s about to stomp off when Charlie speaks again.

“He does have a boyfriend now.”

“Fantastic.”

“Are you telling the truth?”

“Yeah. Why would I bring it up otherwise? I’ve always been blunt about that stuff for exactly this reason.”

“Hm.”

“Does he know we were in the same club? Or that we work together?”

“No. Thought it best not to remind him of your existence.”

“Pfft, I’m so fucking loved.” He angrily continues to sort merchandise, wondering why he even brought it up in the first place. After their boss lets them go for the night, Charlie asks if he needs a ride.

“Nope,” he says curtly. A text to Ryan has already been sent.

“Are you really mad? You’re the one who started the conversation.”

That’s true but... “I’m fucking sick of always being painted as the bad guy. That whole school did it to me. The only reason I wasn’t harassed more is because I was willing to throw down and get violent.” He’s really glad they’ve already left the store. But not many others are inside the mall right now and he’s not sure how loud he is. “Not because I wanted to be, but for my own goddamn protection. But that still didn’t stop people like you from spreading rumors.” He throws up his arms in a shrug. “What’s it say about your brother that he fell for trash like me?”

Charlie looks thoughtful for a few moments. “You know what? You’re right, I did help spread rumors about you junior year. I’m sorry. Even though we never talked in art club, I could see that you weren’t bad. I just thought maybe you grew up. Maybe that’s a lot of assumption on my part.”

“Thanks for the apology. We’re gonna work together for the foreseeable future and I do want to get along. Ask Johnny about the situation sometime. It’s been long enough, maybe he’s willing to tell the full truth now.”

“Are you still in the Reds?”

“No. I put that life behind me. That’s why I got a job here. I thought telling him about them would scare him off but it didn’t.”

“I tried to warn him. He really liked you.”

Shepard still thinks Johnny was just infatuated with the idea of ‘saving’ him--from his rough past, from the gang, from his own self-destructive habits. But Cal doesn’t want to get into that right now with Charlie after a long day at work.

“Johnny just has a talent for finding the good in people.”

And with that, Cal turns around and keeps walking. Charlie doesn’t stop him this time. He really doesn’t want a hostile work environment and Charlie doesn’t seem to either. Hopefully that will be enough.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 50! Wow! Even though these chapters are really short, I've still never written anything that's reached fifty chapters. Remember you can catch me at **gaycalshepard.tumblr.com**

“When do you sign up for classes?”

Shepard takes a bite of pizza before answering. He’s off work, Charlie’s on his lunch break. Ever since their talk, and since Charlie cleared things up with his brother, they’ve gotten along better. “Uh, this Thursday or Friday. You?”

“August seventh. Do you know what you’re taking?”

“Pre-calc, English 101, life drawing, and watercolors.”

“I thought you were just taking stuff for fun.”

He shrugs. “Maybe, maybe not. Taking classes just in case can’t hurt.”

“I guess not. I’m putting math off as long as possible. I’m taking bio 101 and its lab. Life drawing. And I don’t know what else. At least we don’t need to taking the beginner class as a pre-req.”

“Yeah, that’d be a bit boring. Take watercolors with me.”

“Which life drawing are you looking at?”

“The Tuesday/Thursday one from 11:00 to 1:50. Watercolors is 2:30 to 5:20, same days. When’s biology?”

“Mondays and Wednesdays. If it’s not filled up by then, then I’ll sign up. Why is your registration date before mine?”

“Because I already have credits there from last semester. I needed history and gym to graduate.”

“Oh. What about your boyfriend? Is he tagging along?”

“No. He got accepted to a school up north so he’ll be gone in like...a month.”

“You gonna keep dating?”

“What? Of course, why wouldn’t we?”

Charlie puts his hands up. “Was just a question. Long distance is rough.”

“Yeah. I’m not looking forward to it but this is his dream school. I’m proud of him, but I’m still going to miss him.”

“I bet.”

“Did you take any AP classes?”

“World history. Got a four. Did you?”

“Physics. That’s how Kaidan and I met. I got a five. He got a four but took four exams total, fucking crazy.”

“Yeah, we were in the same history class.”

“He got a 3 on that one. But fives in calc and French. He’s stupid for taking all those classes but smart.”

“He got through it in one piece. Unless he signs up for a bunch of stuff in college.”

“I hope he remembers to take some time out to party. Maybe our schedules will let us join this new art club.”

“They have a GSA too.”

“You going to that one?”

He shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Maybe I will too.”

They finish up their food then go their separate ways. Charlie needs to head back to work, Cal needs to get his third laser treatment done. Even though it’ll take more sessions, the results are already noticeable. It fills him with relief knowing this tattoo will eventually be in his past.

~~~~~

On July 27th at 9:25am, Cal sits in his living room on his laptop. He’ll be allowed to register in five minutes, though he doesn’t understand why the time is so random. Luckily, all the classes he wants are still open. In fact, barely any students have signed up for watercolors. Hopefully that changes and it doesn’t get canceled. He thought the opposite would happen. At least Charlie will be able to take it and he won’t be alone. Wrex claims he’s signing up for life drawing but Cal doesn’t know if he means it.

‘Staring at naked people the whole time? Sign me up!’

‘Wrex, I promise that class is anything but sexy. A nude model poses while you cry covered in charcoal because you can’t get the shading on their ankle right.’

He’ll find out next week when Wrex registers. Garrus is going to the university that’s an hour away, coincidentally so is Tali. Funny how things worked out for them. Kaidan told him that Tali’s not the type who would switch schools for anyone and Cal knows that that school has always been Garrus’ first choice too. It’s a decent college, just not the one Kaidan wants to go to.

He registers for classes next week. The date’s getting closer and he’s trying not to think about it. One month. They have one more month together.

That’s not exactly true. They’ll have winter break, spring break, next summer. And they’ll still have each other to talk to in between. Wrex is going to have one last big party in August, before everyone goes down their own path. It’s weird to think about and it’s a big change. They aren’t kids anymore, they’re making decisions now that are going to affect their futures. He’s looking forward to the party but at the same time it makes him sad.

Part of him resents that work is stealing time away from his friends and boyfriend, but that’s a part of growing up. Ryan still refuses to accept rent from him and he doesn’t understand it, even though Ryan explained why.

‘We’re not hurting for money right now. Save up for a car or for school.’

He’s getting some financial aid, and he’s sure he has most of the necessary art supplies, but books for math and English are probably a rip off. If he scopes out the bookstore, maybe he can steal...

He sighs. It won’t do any good to get expelled for stealing. Even if he is good at it.

The time changes to 9:30 and he hurriedly signs up for his four classes. He’s officially a college student and even though he’s told everyone that he just wants to take classes for fun, he’s been giving it a lot of thought and there’s a part of him that likes the idea of an art degree. Taking classes at the community college for two or three years will be cheaper than university and give him time to really make sure that’s what he wants to do. They have a ton of art classes here and that’ll really help him hone his skills and build a portfolio for a four-year school.

He frowns at his computer screen. Is he really considering this? Does he really want to go to some stupid art school? He tries to decide if it’s Kaidan or Ryan who’s been rubbing off on him, but then realizes that this is something _he_ enjoys the thought of. But it’s scary too. People tell him that his art is good, but what if everyone who applies to these schools is better? He’s only capable of so much and he knows he can come off as cocky sometimes, but he’s always looking for ways to better his art. He knows that he needs to keep improving, to never settle, to continue learning. And maybe art school can give him the tools he needs to...do whatever it is he wants to do.


	51. Chapter 51

It’s Saturday afternoon, a few days before August 1st. Ryan, Cal, and a bunch of Ryan’s friends are eating lunch at a restaurant near the beach. Kaidan’s there too and even Ryan’s parents were able to make it for the weekend. Ryan is turning twenty-six and they’re celebrating today. He didn’t want to do much, just hang out with everyone. He’s an easy to please guy.

People give him gifts, except Cal. ‘I’ll give you yours on your actual birthday,’ he already told him. He hopes Ryan likes it--if he won’t accept rent, he’ll have to accept an expensive present. Cal won’t take no for an answer.

He and Kaidan help carry everything to the car before driving off to the beach. Since Ryan’s dad is the one driving, Cal plucks a flask out of his backpack. He grins and hands it to Ryan.

“I can’t believe you brought a flask,” he lightly chastises before unscrewing the top and taking a large swig. Cal drinks next then gives it to Kaidan.

“Hey, are you drinking alcohol back here?”

They all look over at Ryan’s mom who’s watching them from the sidewalk. Kaidan hesitantly holds the flask out towards her. She takes it. And then drinks the rest.

“Hey!” Cal starts but she holds a hand up.

“I know you have more in there,” she says.

They get out of the car as Cal assures them that he does have more booze in his bag. His friends have to spread out to find parking but eventually they gather on the shore. Cal and Kaidan immediately run to the water. Shepard looks back and sees Ryan and Ronan laughing together. Those two plus Ronan’s twin, Amanda, have a band together. Cal’s heard some of their songs and they’re good. Ryan’s grown close to them in a short amount of time, the fact that they live in the same apartment complex probably helps. He notices Ronan take a subtle step closer to Ryan, but then Kaidan’s calling his name and jumping in the water. He turns away from them just as a wave comes speeding at him. It almost knocks him off his feet.

More people join them. He doesn’t know all of Ryan’s friends but they have fun together. He’s glad so many people came out to celebrate Cal’s best friend. Ryan’s personality is so bright and he’s touched a lot of lives.

~~~~~

Cal has to work on Ryan’s actual birthday, but it’s only until three. Kaidan’s supposed to pick him up, bring the gift that’s been stashed in his bedroom, and then go to the apartment. Ryan already mentioned that Ronan took the day off so they could spend time together. Shepard raised his eyebrow at that but Ryan didn’t seem to notice.

As he rings customers up, he realizes that the days Charlie isn’t here move just a tad more slowly. He likes most of his coworkers but his former ‘nemesis’ has grown on him. He wonders if they could actually hang out somewhere that’s not the mall or if they’d bicker and get on each other’s nerves too much.

He clocks out and texts Kaidan, he’s already waiting for him. As he gets in, he takes a look through the back window. “Hey, babe,” he greets and kisses him. “That’s not knocking around back there, right?”

“Ugh, no,” Kaidan says. “I’ve been careful.”

“I don’t know if Ryan’s home yet. He and Ronan were going to lunch.”

“Was Amanda going or just those two?”

“Just them. He took the day off for Rye. They should be back sometime soon.”

“Okay. I registered for classes this morning.”

“Did you get everything you wanted?”

“No, not quite. Had to rearrange some stuff. I’ll send you my schedule. You know, I want you to come up north when my parents drop me off.”

“Heh, I’m sure they’ll be thrilled.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want to say bye to you here. Can you...can you get the time off work?”

“I’ll put in a request. At least one manager likes me a lot so I think I should. What day are you going?”

“Uhhh, the nineteenth. It’s a Saturday.”

“I’ll be there,” Cal promises. “Nothing is going to keep us from saying bye.”

Kaidan stops at a red light then holds his hand out. Cal smiles a bit and grabs it. Just a few more weeks. Saying goodbye for an entire semester is going to hurt. Part of Shepard is scared that Kaidan’s going to forget about him, or find someone else, someone who’s smarter or better or more normal. He tells himself over and over that that isn’t going to happen, but it’s still hard.’

“I love you,” Kaidan says, as if he can hear his thoughts.

“I love you too.”

They’re mostly quiet for the rest of the drive, comfortable to just be around each other. Kaidan parks and Cal grabs his gift.

“I hope Rye likes this...” he mutters.

“I don’t think it’s the gift itself that’s going to be the issue.”

“Yeah, I know he might get mad about the price but I’m not going to return it. It’s the least I can do for him.” He hands Kaidan his key to unlock the front door. Shepard drops his stuff in his bedroom. “Have you eaten lunch yet?”

“No, just a snack. I’m hungry.”

“I’ll make us something.” As Cal moves around the kitchen, he suddenly realizes something. He and Kaidan won’t be able to celebrate their one year anniversary together. That thought suddenly makes him very sad. But he tries to hide it as he sits at the table with two plates in hand.

A little while after their meal, when they’re playing video games in the living room, the door opens. Both Ryan and Ronan appear a moment later. They all say hi to each other, and Cal wonders if he’s imagining the disappointment on Ronan’s face. He’ll have to remember to ask Kaidan later if he noticed. But right now, his focus is elsewhere.

Cal jumps up and runs to his room. “Close your eyes!” he calls out. When he returns, he stands his gift in Ryan’s outstretched hands.

His eyes open. “Did you really get me a guitar?” he asks, staring at the case.

“Maybe.”

Ryan unzips it and does pull out a guitar with a deep cherry red finish. Then he takes a look at the top and sees the brand it is. “I...Cal, this is...”

“Okay, the only reason I’m about to tell you this is to put your mind at ease. It wasn’t _as_ expensive as you’re thinking. I know a guy and long story short, I paid partially in art. Really weird obscure art. Whatever, the details don’t matter. Come on, man. Look how fucking slick this is.”

“It is really nice,” he agrees but still doesn’t look too happy. “You didn’t have to get me something expensive though. I told you to save for something you wanted.”

“And this is what I wanted, to give this to you. Please accept it.”

Ryan takes another look at the guitar. “I have wanted a new one for a long time.” He finally smiles. “Okay, I accept. Thank you. It’s really, really great.”

Cal grins back and hugs him. Not long after, Ronan says he has to head home for a bit. He and Amanda will be back later after she gets off work. While Ryan walks him out, Cal and Kaidan go switch out the old duct-taped guitar hanging in Ryan’s room with the new one. Ryan returns a few minutes later.

“How was work?” he asks, sitting back down.

“Okay. Caught someone stealing, they tried to say I was bugging them, my manager kicked them out.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah. Other than that, I think I’m starting to miss Charlie when he’s off.”

Kaidan laughs at that. “Never thought I’d hear those words from your mouth.”

“Fuck, me either. But things have gotten better between us.” His eyes suddenly narrow at Ryan’s wrist. “Hey, is that new?”

His other hand touches the watch. “Yeah. Ronan gave it to me today. He remembered the one I liked.”

“Oh, it looks nice.”

An hour later, one of Ryan’s other friends sends him a text asking if he’s home. Ten minutes after he confirms he is, six people knock on the door. Cal answers and lets them all in, recognizing most of them. They’ve decided to bring an impromptu potluck to celebrate Ryan’s _real_ birthday. There’s a lot of food and also the cake Shepard and Kaidan picked up from the bakery this morning before work. Once the twins come over and Cal and Kaidan have helped drag enough chairs around the living room, they eat. Ryan likes having people over, he likes surprises too, so this dinner is perfect for him.

There’s lots of laughing and talking. After slices of cake are passed out, they play a few games together. Unfortunately, it can’t last too late into the night. Quite a few people, including Ryan and Cal, have to wake up early for work. He and Kaidan clean once everyone else leaves and then Kaidan goes home too. Ryan and Cal both collapse onto the couch.

“Good day?”

“Great day,” Ryan says. “Thank you. For the guitar. For...everything.”

“Anything for you, man.”

But now they’re both tired and it’s time for bed. Before they get up, Ryan tells him one last thing. “Ronan also wrote me a song. He played it for me.”

“Was it good?”

A soft smile appears on his face. “Yeah, I liked it a lot.”

Cal bites his tongue to keep himself from shouting ‘gay!’ On Ronan’s end at least, Cal is sure of that. Instead he says, “He’s a good friend.”

“He is. I have a lot of fun with him. Amanda too of course. But I’m glad he took the day off.”

They tell each other goodnight. Cal forces himself to take a quick shower so he can sleep a little bit longer in the morning. Then he dives into bed and falls asleep without another thought.


	52. Chapter 52

Cal chews on a poptart while Ryan makes his own breakfast. Their schedules align and Ryan’s able to drive him to work today. He debates telling Ryan about Ronan’s massive crush on him but decides not to. It’s hard keeping his mouth shut but they don’t have time to get into a discussion. Ryan will be clueless and he’ll have to explain all the signs Cal’s recently noticed.

They leave fifteen minutes later. Ryan is in an extra good mood. Cal’s glad, his birthday always seems to lift his spirits. The mall is mostly empty as he walks through, another small store has closed and he wonders what will take its place. He clocks in and his work day begins. Charlie comes in at noon. Cal eventually mentions hanging out outside of work.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure.”

“You sound very enthusiastic,” Cal laughs.

“Just surprised.”

“Eh, I’d almost call us friends now. Wrex is having a party next Saturday. Sort of a farewell thing before everyone leaves for college. Do you work?”

“Until the evening but after that I’m free. Uh, are you sure I should be invited? Wrex doesn’t like me.”

“Only because you and I didn’t get along. It’ll be fun, promise.”

“Yeah, alright.”

Shepard’s off at three again but Kaidan isn’t picking him up this time. He’s hanging out with Ashley, who’s leaving the state at the end of the month. Cal eats a pretzel then hangs around the mall for a bit. It’s extra hot today and he’s putting off the walk and bus ride home. But eventually he gets too bored and after buying a cold bottle of water, he leaves. Despite his snack earlier, he still cooks dinner for him and Ryan when he gets to the apartment. By the time he’s done cleaning up, his friend walks through the door.

“Hey,” Cal greets.

“Hey. How was your day?”

“Okay. Kinda slow. Yours?”

He shrugs. “Same. I’m gonna take a shower real quick.”

“Oh. Okay. Hurry up, food’s gonna get cold.”

A little strange, Ryan never takes a shower the second he comes home. But it is hot and Cal knows he himself is sweaty. When he hears the bathroom door open ten minutes later, he reheats the food. As they sit and eat, he notices how quiet Ryan is and it’s quite the change from this morning.

“Are you alright? Did something happen at work?” he finally asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, slow day. Just tired, I think it’s the heat. Sorry you have to walk in this weather.”

“Eh, it’s okay. If it gets over a hundred, I can ask someone for a ride.”

“I tried that new Mexican place by my work.”

“Ooh, how was it? I’ve been wanting to go there.”

“Pretty good. Ronan didn’t like it but I think his dish was just too spicy for him.”

“Ha, that won’t be a problem for me. Did he meet you there?”

“He picked me up from work. Too hot to walk over.”

“You guys have been hanging out a lot.”

“Yeah. I dunno, I like spending time with him.”

Cal decides to hint around. “I’ve noticed. He took the day off to spend your birthday with you, wrote you a song, gave you a nice gift. Like even when you two are together, he likes being close to you, hugging you.”

“Yeah...”

Time to just say it. “Rye, Ronan really fucking likes you. I can tell, it’s obvious.”

“I know,” Ryan says and that’s not the answer he expected.

“Oh. Uh, did he-”

“He kissed me today.”

Cal is definitely surprised and now understands why he’s been quiet. “Uhh, how did that go?”

“We were talking in his car before I went back to work and I don’t know what happened. We were suddenly kissing and then he told me he has feelings for me.”

“What did you say?”

“I barely remember. That I needed time to think about it.”

“Think about it? Were you just caught off guard? Because you need to be honest with him.”

“That’s the thing. I-I don’t know how I feel. This isn’t the first time someone’s told me they like me. But I’ve never been interested. Ronan is...different. Maybe. I think. No, he is. But I don’t know. Why now? Why him?”

“I don’t know. Why him?”

Ryan sighs. “He’s just so sweet and creative. He makes me laugh. And on a musical level? I’ve never connected so well with someone. We push each other to be better. He just...” He makes a face. “I enjoyed the kiss even though it was way out of my comfort zone. I don’t know what to do. Or what to say. I don’t want him to worry that he ruined our friendship. You have experience with this sort of thing. I need advice.”

“I mean, I do have more experience since I’m with Kaidan. But before him, you and I were in the same situation but for completely different reasons. It’s kinda funny. Sleeping with people is fun for me and you know that Wrex and I sort of tried to make things work. But Kaidan’s been different. He’s patient and understanding. We can be honest with each other, which is really important.”

“That’s how I feel with Ronan.”

“You have to be truthful. Tell him that you don’t have experience with this sort of thing, that this is kind of the first time you’ve really dealt with these sorts of feelings and that you really do need time to think things out. New territory is scary, I’m still worried about certain things, but it’s been worth it.”

“I want to text him tonight and put his mind at ease.”

“I think that’s a good idea. You say all these good things about him, he should understand.”

“Fuck. Things felt kinda weird when I was a teenager but I learned to accept never wanting to date or have sex. I realized that just because I didn’t want those things that it didn’t make me any less like...normal, y’know? But now that he’s brought it up, things have felt a little different with him. I don’t know if that means I suddenly want to _date_ though.”

“You can ask to take things slow. Really slow. Tell him you’re not ready for sex right now, that you don’t know if you’ll ever be ready.”

He nods. “Yeah...”

They talk about it some more but Shepard’s pretty sure Ryan is still extremely nervous. He doesn’t know what he’ll decide, he just hopes Ryan doesn’t put Ronan’s feelings before his own and date him out of fear that their friendship will change otherwise. That isn’t fair to either man. He tells Ryan that and Ryan reassures him that he’ll be honest in his texts.

He sits in the living room with Cal after dinner but while the teen’s playing video games, Ryan is on his phone. Shepard figures he must’ve written twenty different drafts before finally saying that he sent it.

“I asked for more time,” he tells Cal. “And I explained why I need it.”

A few minutes pass before his phone vibrates on the coffee table. Shepard pauses his game.

“I’m too nervous to read it,” Ryan admits.

“Want me to?”

He thinks about it a moment then nods. He hands his phone over and Cal opens the message.

“I understand,” he reads. “Take the time you need. If you want our friendship to stay the way it is, that’s okay. But if you want something else, we can go slowly and talk it out. I just want you to be comfortable.”

Ryan breathes out a sigh of relief and takes his phone back. “I’m definitely not going to figure this all out by tonight.” But Ronan’s reply gives him some extra time to discover what he wants.

It wasn’t too long ago that Cal was telling Ryan how much he liked this guy in his physics class named Kaidan, and how he wanted to pursue something but how scared he was at the same time. Strange to think about not only how far he and Kaidan have come, but it’s strange how Cal and Ryan have sorted switched positions. He doesn’t know what Ryan will ultimately choose but if he can help give him advice in any way, well, it’s the least he can do to repay all the advice Ryan’s given him over the years.


	53. Chapter 53

Since Cal doesn’t work the next morning, he doesn’t see Ryan before he leaves. They talked about Ronan quite a bit last night. Cal doesn’t think he’ll come to a decision today.

He yawns as he rolls out of bed. Kaidan’s coming over so they can go swimming. It’s still early enough that most people won’t be there. He drinks coffee then brushes his teeth. By the time he finds his swim shorts and puts them on, Kaidan’s knocking on the door. Being apart is going to suck, but he keeps telling himself over and over that it'll be okay. Dwelling on how terrible it’ll be is only going to make it worse, he recognizes that.

Kaidan wraps his arms around him from behind in the water. For now, they are the only two here. It’s already eighty-five out, people will probably come soon.

“I love you,” Cal murmurs.

“I love you too.”

He wonders if Kaidan can tell what he’s thinking about. Kaidan kisses his neck then makes a noise.

“Chlorine.”

“Ha.” He turns around and drapes his arms over his shoulders. “Hey, did I tell you about Ronan?” He knows the answer though.

“No, what happened?”

“He likes Ryan. A lot.”

“Did Ryan let him down easy?”

“No. He said he needed time to think about it. He’s sort of considering dating him.”

“Oh whoa, really?”

“Yeah. He’s having a hard time deciding what he wants. He’s never wanted to date but he says Ronan’s different.”

“That’s kinda what you told me.”

He nods. “He was asking me for advice. I did try to make it work with someone else before you. During junior year.” He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly bringing it up.

“What happened?”

“We were both really immature.”

“Was it someone I know? N-not that it matters, just curious-”

“It was Wrex.” He watches Kaidan for a few moments. “You don't look surprised.”

“I mean...I know he’s bi, I know you two are close, and I’ve seen they way he looks at you sometimes.”

“...Are you mad that I never told you?”

“No. I’ve had relationships before you and I know you liked to hook up a lot. It doesn’t make a difference to us.”

“I wasn’t trying to keep it secret. Just...I mean, it’s not really a casual conversation starter. We never really told too many people and we didn’t know how to make things feel less awkward. Decided it was best to just stop. Things are different with you.”

“It’s fine.” Kaidan brushes a hand against his face. “I’m really going to miss you,” he whispers.

“I’m gonna miss you too. But we’ll get used to it, things will be okay. School sucks but you’re off on a big adventure. You’re gonna explore a new city, make new friends.”

“I’m excited. But I’m scared too.”

“That’s normal. This’ll be your first time on your own. You’ll adjust quick.”

“I hope so.”

“I know you will. I’ll be down here working on my own degree and looking forward to winter break.”

“Your own degree, huh?”

“I...yeah, I think...I want to pursue an art degree. Depending on how well I do this semester.”

“You’re confident in me and I’m confident in you. I know you’ll pass all your classes. I predict...a B in English. And A’s in the others.”

“I think a C is more accurate. And three A’s? I dunno about that one.”

“You could get all A’s if you wanted. But I know how much you hate essays.”

Cal sticks his tongue out. “Remember when I had to give a speech in English and you helped me rehearse?”

Kaidan grins. “You didn’t know how to tie a tie. I used that as an excuse to come behind you and put my arms around you.”

“Now you come behind me all the time.”

He rolls his eyes. “Funny.”

“You think I’m hilarious.”

“Mm, most of the time.” He sighs. “Can’t believe that was almost a year ago. I’m sorry we can’t spend our first anniversary together.”

“Don’t apologize. It...”

“It sucks.”

“Yeah. Lots of couples do this long distance thing though. At least we’ll get to see each other more than once a year.”

“That’s true. Do you know if you got the time off work?”

“Not yet. But don’t worry about it. I’ll call in sick if I have to. I’m not missing that for anything in the world. I’m glad I get to see your school.”

“I’m glad I get to show you around.”

They’re in the middle of making out when the gate opens. Cal pulls away annoyed and sees a few women with little kids enter. He kisses his boyfriend one more time before swimming off to the deeper end.

They shower and go out later. When they return to the apartment in the evening, Ryan’s just coming home from work. They decide to get takeout for dinner and the two teenagers pick it up.

“Cal told you about Ronan, right?” Ryan asks Kaidan as they eat in the living room.

He nods, his mouth full.

“Well, I think I’m...leaning more towards ‘not date.’ I just...I like how our friendship is. I’m scared of that changing, I’m scared that he’ll think I’m just...too much to deal with. Not worth the work.”

“Being scared is perfectly natural. It sounds more like you’re letting the fear get in the way, instead of you just not actually wanting to date.”

Ryan sighs. “Yeah.”

“I mean, it’s okay to not want to deal with that fear yet,” Kaidan says. “If you don’t think you’re ready then...you’re not ready. You’ve only dealt with this for a short time.”

“I don’t want to ask him to wait for me though. What if I’m just never ready? I don’t want to get his hopes up just to never want to pursue anything.” He leans back into the cushions and closes his eyes. “I am no closer to making a decision.” His phone buzzes and he picks it up off the coffee table. “It’s Amanda.”

“What’s she want?” Cal asks.

“Just asking how I’m doing. I’m sure Ronan told her what’s going on.”

“Think he asked her to text you?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. Maybe I’ll ask him to come over Saturday so we can talk. Do you work that day?”

“No, but I can go to Kaidan’s.”

“I’ll text him in the morning. We haven’t talked all day.”

“Do you usually?”

“Yeah, in some form, even if it’s just one text. Are things going to be awkward between us now?”

“It’ll pass,” Cal assures him. “Things will go back to normal after you guys talk.”

“He might need a few days,” Kaidan says. “But I’m sure he’ll want to pick up things where you left off.”

“That’s what I’m hoping.”

Ryan sets up a meeting with Ronan for Saturday afternoon. The morning before it, Cal tries his best to calm him before he heads out. Ryan’s nervous as hell and it’s an uncommon sight for Cal. No matter what happens, he’s sure they’ll remain close. Neither man is interested in ending that. But even though they just talked, he’s still not exactly sure what Ryan’s choosing. He’ll find out soon enough.

He walks to the grocery store so he can buy an energy drink and chips. When he hears his name, he looks around and spots Kaidan’s dad in line. “Hi, Thomas,” he greets and goes over to help him unload the cart. When the cashier starts ringing the items up, Cal starts bagging.

“You’re coming with us to see Kaid off, right?”

“Yeah! I found out last night that I got that weekend off. I...already miss him.”

Thomas frowns. “I know what you mean. It’s going to be a big adjustment for all of us.” He quickly changes the subject. “What classes did you sign up for?”

“Math, English, life drawing, and watercolors. I’m more excited than I thought I’d be, especially about painting. I’ve gotten a lot better at digital art too.”

“Do you prefer one over the other?”

“Traditional. There are definite pros to digital but I just like the feel of a paintbrush in my hands. And you can’t make a mess with a tablet. That’s a negative to me.”

Thomas pays then hands Cal’s things to him. He cracks open his drink as they walk out. Then he hurries to put it in the cup holder in the car to help put the bags in the trunk. They finish and Cal gets in the passenger seat. He scratches at his tattoo. He has to remember not to wear tank tops around Kaidan’s parents. If they ask why he’s getting it removed...well, it’s something he doesn't want to deal with ever.

Once they reach the house and all the food’s put away, Cal and Kaidan go upstairs. Kaidan pushes him onto the bed, then climbs on top of him and kisses him. Cal’s going to miss doing this whenever they want.

A small part of his brain whispers to transfer to Kaidan’s university but that’s laughable. He probably wouldn’t get accepted. And unlike Kaidan, he doesn’t want to leave his life here behind...even if it would mean them being together. The thought of not living with Ryan gives him massive anxiety. If he ever does decide to transfer, it’ll be to a school within driving distance.

“Am I losing my touch?” he hears.

He looks at Kaidan sheepishly. “Heh, sorry. I got distracted.”

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah.” They have two weeks left. Like Thomas said, it’ll be a big adjustment. But they’ll adjust. “Just thinking of something your dad said.”

“Okay, this is literally the worst time to bring up my parents. The mood is ruined.”

“Sorry,” he laughs. Kaidan lies down next to him and Shepard threads their fingers together.

“So what did Ryan decide?”

“I...don’t know. We talked before I left but I’m still not sure. He’ll text me the moment Ronan leaves though.”

The conversation drifts off as Cal wiggles his way into Kaidan’s arms. It’s not exactly the best weather for cuddling, but neither of them cares about that small irrelevant fact.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we just might hit 60 chapters, folks. My ultimate dream is to get 100 kudos on this fic. If you enjoy it, leaving one would mean a lot to me. Thank you

“I told him I’m not ready right now. That I don’t want him to wait for me because I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. I do have some sort of feelings for him but I don’t know if they’ll develop into a relationship. Or sex. Those are both daunting ideas. He said if things were to ever change, we could go as slow as I needed. I was tempted but...not right now.”

“Do you think he took it well?” Cal asks. He’s down the street from Kaidan’s house. His parents know he smokes but he’s forbidden from doing it near the front yard or backyard.

“I think he’s disappointed but that’s normal, right?”

“Yeah. He’ll get over it.”

“I...guess I’ll leave it up to him when he wants to hang out again. I want to give him space.”

“That’s probably a good idea. How are you feeling?”

“Okay I think.”

“Do you feel like you made the wrong decision?”

“Mm, no. Maybe that’ll change in the future.”

“Maybe. If it does, you guys can have a new conversation.”

“Yeah. I’ll let you go now. Are you still at Kaidan’s?”

“Yeah, but I’m down the street. I’m not allowed to smoke near the house.”

“Pfft, I should make that a rule here.”

“I’m not listening.”

“Heh, alright, bye.”

“Talk to you later.”

Ryan does sound better than he did this morning. Cal’s glad things seemed to go smoothly. He feels a bit bad for Ronan, not having feelings returned sucks. He also feels lucky that his and Kaidan’s relationship is the way it is.

He walks back to the house. Thomas and Evelyn are in the middle of cooking a big dinner together and his mouth waters. He and Kaidan wait in the living room playing video games. Cal’s phone buzzes as he tries to clear a level that Kaidan’s been struggling with.

“Who is it?” Cal asks.

“Charlie. Want me to read it?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s asking if you want to hang out Monday.”

“Tell him yeah if he wants to go to an amusement park with us.”

“That’s going to make us seven. Should I tell him to bring someone? You’re making a face.”

“I don’t want him to bring Johnny.”

“You think he will?”

“Maybe. I don’t know any of his friends. Ugh, you know what, I don’t care. If he does bring him, it’ll be awkward at first but it’ll pass.”

“Alright. Maybe he won’t bring him. We’re going to need two cars. Seven of us can cram in Wrex’s mom’s car but eight?”

“Send a group text and ask if anyone wants to drive.”

“I’ll probably end up driving.”

Cal’s voice drops to a whisper. “I’ll make it up to you in the park’s bathroom.”

Kaidan laughs loudly. “And they say romance is dead.”

“I fucking killed it. Like I’m killing these zombies.”

“You make this castle look easy...”

“Because I play too much.”

“Let’s see if he even wants to--oh. He responded. ‘Can I bring Jonathan?’”

Cal groans. “Tell him ‘sure, if he wants to come.’ Ask for his address too so we can pick them up.”

The last time Cal saw Jonathan was the end of his junior year, at Johnny’s graduation. Despite telling him about the Reds, making it clear he didn’t do relationships--especially after his and Wrex’s failed thing--he still wanted Shepard. Part of him was annoyed but the other part did feel bad. He was the first guy Johnny slept with, he was only just starting to come out of the closet. They could’ve stayed friends but Johnny didn’t want that and so Cal broke things off completely. But Charlie had already started spreading rumors about him, he even tried to pick a fight with him--that amused Cal greatly. Charlie and his friends were boring kids who had probably never thrown a punch before. Cal laughed in their faces and promised that he was the wrong person to throw down with.

“What a mess that whole situation was,” he mutters.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay hanging out with them? Is Johnny going to be weird around you and me?”

“Nah. Probably not. I don’t think Charlie would bring him if that were the case. Did I ever tell you that he and a couple of his friends cornered me at school and threatened to kick my ass?”

 _“Charlie?”_ Kaidan snorts. “Didn’t he know that you were in...” He trails off and looks toward the kitchen. “Uh, in...shape?”

“Yes. Which made it even funnier. But Charlie and I are cool now and Johnny has his own boyfriend. And most importantly, I’m no longer in shape.”

Kaidan grins. “Now you’re just some nerd like me.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, babe.”

~~~~~

Cal and Kaidan look at each other as Charlie and Johnny walk out of their house. Wrex and the others are in the car behind. Cal watches the brothers climb in the back seat.

“Hey, Johnny,” he says softly.

“Hey. It’s, uh, been a while.” His voice is soft too, it always has been.

“Yeah, it has. Oh, this is Kaidan. My boyfriend.”

“Charlie mentioned you were dating.”

“I hear you are too.”

“I met a guy at school. We’re both biology majors.”

Wrex honks and Cal rolls down his window to flip him off. Kaidan pulls away from the curb and their hour long drive begins. Shepard tries to grapple for topics to talk about but he just can’t get their past issues out of his head. It’s when they get onto the freeway that John says what’s on everyone’s mind.

“We should just talk about what happened last year. Cal, I’m sorry for the way I acted. You were honest with me from the beginning, I just didn’t want to accept it.”

“I’m sorry too,” Charlie says. “I acted like an asshole.”

“It’s okay. I was laughing and telling Kaidan how you said you were gonna kick my ass.”

“Oh, gee, thanks.”

“Come on, it was kind of hilarious. But, uh, thanks, Johnny. I want to leave all that in the past.”

“So do I. But is it true you left the Reds?”

“Yeah. It’s been almost a year since I did any jobs for them. A lot of things have changed since then. I graduated, have a real job, am gonna go to school for art.”

“I’m glad, Cal.”

The tension in the car finally dissipates. Charlie brings up the classes he signed up for that morning. “We have watercolors and life drawing together.”

“Nice. There was a bunch of empty spots for watercolors when I registered. Did you notice how full it was?”

“I think there’s like five spots left. I nabbed the last one in life drawing.”

“Wrex is in that class too.”

The conversation picks up normally after that. Cal’s relieved. He would’ve been mad at Charlie if the awkwardness ruined their whole trip. He packed a cooler in the trunk. They’re going to drink in the parking lot and then ride every single roller coaster. If anyone throws up, they’re getting made fun of.


	55. Chapter 55

“I am just...on the cusp of being too fuckin’ drunk,” Cal begins with a giggle. He’s just jumped onto one of the tables in Wrex’s backyard, where their last big party of the summer is taking place. “A toast,” he continues and raises his can of beer. Everyone on the ground raises whatever item is closest to them. “First off, to our lovely host. The wonderful-”

“I already know I’m wonderful!” Wrex calls out.

“Bitch, I wasn’t going to say you, I was going to thank your mom.” He bows towards the woman standing by the patio door. Everyone turns and bows at her as well, she smiles and waves. “And I guess Wrex too,” he playfully grumbles. “To all the people leaving this month--whether it’s for school, for work, or just for a fresh start away from this fucking town--I wish you the best of luck. It’s been a real fun four years and I’m sad that this is the last party we’ll all have together. That’s part of growing up I guess. Now let me get real gay with you all for a minute. A lot has changed these past few years. When I started ninth grade, I was in foster care with a couple who wouldn’t have cared if I dropped off the fucking earth. And a lot of you know how bad of a crowd I was running with. Things are different now. I don’t do sketchy things for money anymore, I’m gonna go to college. I live with my best friend, my platonic soulmate, the only real family I’ve ever had--blood be damned.” He searches Kaidan out and smiles. “I met the love of my life in boring ass physics, my boyfriend, one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. Not to mention handsome as fuck. I’m a better person, in part, because of you. I’m proud of you, Kaidan, and I love you. Now I know I’m going on and on and you’re all being incredibly patient considering how much you’ve all drank. My point is that life sometimes takes a funny turn. Sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches, even when life punches you real fucking hard in the gut. I thought I’d be dead before eighteen. Instead I’m an adult now and celebrating tonight with all my friends, my boyfriend...I don’t know what the next chapter holds for all of us. Some of you, I’m not going to see again after tonight. And some of you-” He points at Wrex. “I’ll be sleeping in your bed tonight. No matter who you are or where you’re going, I hope your future is as bright as my past year has been and how I hope it will continue to be.”

They cheer, hold their beers up, and drink. Cal beckons Kaidan over and pulls him up onto the table. They kiss for a long time, ignoring the hollering from the others. Wrex eventually jumps on the table too, shoving drinks in both their hands.

“Well said, but enough of that mushy stuff!” he bellows. “Time to party!”

Cal and Kaidan look at each other then grab Wrex and place a kiss on each of his cheeks.

“Hehehe.”

“Who wants to go swimming?” Cal shouts. He flings off his shirt and starts unzipping his pants. Others join him as he leaps into the water. Cal knows this isn’t going to be Wrex’s last big party but it’s going to be the last one for a while, the last one with these exact people. He doesn’t want it to end but the night grows late. Some people pitch actual tents in the backyard, some crash on couches and living room floors. Cal offers Charlie and Johnny a spot in Wrex’s bedroom but they decide to go home instead. Shepard and Kaidan take a shower then head straight for the bed. Their other friends join them and then finally Wrex himself. They talk and tell stories and it’s a very long time until anyone goes to sleep. The sun’s about to rise by the time Cal finally closes his eyes.

~~~~~

It’s after noon when Cal drifts through the house in search of coffee. Random people are still around getting ready to leave. Once they have caffeine, Kaidan will drive Shepard home so he can get ready for work. But then he sees Wrex’s mom cooking pancakes and his stomach rumbles.

“I’m making chocolate chip.”

“My favorite. I love you more than my own mom.”

Kaidan laughs next to him but quickly tries to stifle it. She makes a lot of pancakes and they eat a lot of pancakes. They thank her and help with the dishes before they need to go. Kaidan drops Cal off at home, promising to pick him up after work. They have one more week and they plan to spend a lot of it together.

As soon as Cal walks through the front door of the apartment, he hears multiple people playing guitar. He enters the living room and finds Ryan and Ronan together.

“Hey, guys,” he says.

“Hey, Cal. How was the party?” Ryan asks.

“Fun. Not looking forward to working with a hangover though. Where’s Amanda?”

“On a date,” Ronan says. “She’s supposed to come over when it’s done though.”

“Ooh. Well, don’t let me interrupt you. I gotta get ready.”

“Is Kaidan taking you or am I?”

“You are. Kaidan’s picking me up tonight and then we’re coming back here.”

“Alright.”

He takes another shower and gets dressed. He’s glad that things have seemed to go back to normal between Ryan and Ronan. After a few days from their talk, Ronan invited him to lunch during their lunch breaks and things picked back up as usual. Maybe Ryan’s feelings will change in the future, maybe not. But Ronan’s friendship is incredibly important to him and he would’ve been devastated if that had changed.

Ronan volunteers to drive and they climb in his car. “Did you eat already?” Ryan asks. “Want us to stop somewhere?”

“Nah, Wrex’s mom made us pancakes. I’ll get something from the food court later on.” He tells them about the drunken toast he made and how much fun it was, but how he also feels kind of sad. “Now that we’re not in classes every day together, how many people am I gonna lose touch with?”

“Some, that’s natural. But friends you’ve had for years? You’ll find ways to see them still. Overall, you’ll feel relief because of how many people you don’t have to interact with anymore. College is stressful but it’s a looser structure than high school. I’m sure someone like you will make a lot of new friends too.”

“Yeah. I’m not worried about that part. The thought of not seeing most of my high school class is kinda nice. Some of those fuckers were exhausting.” Next weekend he has to say goodbye to Kaidan until winter break, then he comes home and starts school on Monday. It’s only just beginning to hit him how busy his schedule will be. He’s worried about how he’s going to balance classes, homework, and a job. He’ll find a way. Somehow.


	56. Chapter 56

It’s 10pm on Friday night when Cal gets off work. He doesn’t have to come in again until Wednesday. Ryan picks him up, the bag he packed this morning already in the car. He and Kaidan’s family are flying up to the school in the morning, the flight is only half an hour. He’s never flown before, he’s a little nervous about the whole process. It’s hard to believe that this is it. In twenty four hours he’s going to be on a flight back home. Without Kaidan. Cal isn’t ready to say bye to him. He doesn’t want to, his mind is throwing tantrums.

“Are you okay?” Ryan asks as he pulls up in front of Kaidan’s.

Cal shakes his head. A hand squeezes his shoulder. “I know you don’t want to hear it but you’ll get used to this. It’ll take some time but...”

“How much time?”

“I don’t...I don’t know, Cal.”

He takes a deep breath then grabs his bag from the backseat. “I’ll be back tomorrow night. I wish I had time to say hi to your parents but...”

“I know you’re only there for a day but try to enjoy it.”

“I will. See ya.”

“I’ll text you. Bye.”

He knocks on the front door and Kaidan answers. Shepard doesn’t want to break down or get upset, especially since tomorrow is already in the back of each of their minds. “Are your parents already in bed?” he whispers in Kaidan’s ear.

“Yeah.”

Cal grins. “We should get to bed too, hm?”

Kaidan backs him up against the wall and kisses his neck. “Yes, we should...”

Kaidan grabs his hand and leads him upstairs. They both already know that they’ll be getting no sleep this night. Honestly, Cal would’ve preferred their last night together to be at the apartment. Less need to be quiet with Ryan’s room not next to his. But they have to leave early in the morning so he moans quietly and tries to just enjoy the feeling of Kaidan.

~~~~~

Cal’s nervousness increases when he steps onto the airplane. It’s smaller than he imagined, even though they’re only going to be here for thirty minutes. Kaidan’s hand is on his lower back, gently pushing him forward. They’re a row behind Kaidan’s parents and Kaidan lets his boyfriend take the aisle seat. A person around their age occupies the window seat. Kaidan holds his hand as they take off and Cal tears his eyes away from the window. Once they’re in the air, he calms down but he doesn’t let go of Kaidan’s hand.

“What classes do you have Monday?” he asks, though he already knows the answer. He just wants to hear Kaidan’s voice.

“Chemistry and calculus. I get to skip calc 1 and 2 and just go directly into 3 because of my AP class. I told you it’d be worth it.”

“I will always think you’re nuts for willingly signing up for four AP classes. I have math too. And English. My fun days are Tuesday and Thursday.”

“Is anyone else you know in your classes? Or just Wrex and Charlie.”

“Just those two. Wrex better not fucking drop out once he realizes how unsexy that class is. I’ll beat him up.”

“He’s like a foot taller than you.”

“I could take him. He underestimates me because I look like a twink.”

“Look like? Babe, you are a twink.”

They don’t stop talking the entire flight and he’s sure the stranger in their row is annoyed as they try to read. But Cal doesn’t care. The landing jolts his nerves again and he doesn’t look forward to doing this again with only Kaidan’s parents. Since there won’t be any Kaidan, the three of them will be in a row together. He already tries to think of topics to talk about with them.

It’s slow getting off the plane, Cal impatiently waits for the rows ahead of him to file out. They have to go pick up Kaidan’s suitcase that was too big to carry on and that takes a while too. It’s still before noon when they get into a rental car so they go eat breakfast.

Kaidan and Cal search the menu together and then order waffles, an omelet, hash browns, and sides of bacon and sausage to split. His parents comment on the large order and are surprised when they finish everything. But Shepard quickly grabs the check when it comes and insists it’s the very least he can do since they bought his plane ticket.

Now their next stop is the school. Cal doesn’t know what to expect. It’s _large_ and plenty of students are already roaming the campus. The other three seem to already know where the dorms are and he follows, feeling overwhelmed. This is going to be where Kaidan lives for the majority of the next four years. Four years is a long time.

Kaidan’s roommate still isn’t there when they arrive. Cal wishes he would come. He wants to meet him and make sure he isn’t some creep. Or if he’s a twat, he has no problem threatening him. But that doesn’t happen. Now that they’re actually here, the time is passing way faster than Cal thought. They help him unpack, they walk around campus. Evelyn and Thomas let them explore alone for a while. They end up at the football field and sit in the bleachers. Shepard doesn’t know who they are but some sort of team is practicing in the grass.

“They don’t look like football players.”

“Just because they aren’t wearing their uniforms...hey, would you date me if I suddenly started playing football?”

Cal makes a face. “No. Some things I can accept but football is just pushing it too far.”

Kaidan grins. “You know, sometimes I miss track.”

“You could do that here. I’m sure you’d make the team.”

He shakes his head. “I’ll be too busy. I want to join a club or two and my major has so much coursework...I don’t miss it _that_ much.”

Cal pulls out his cigarettes and glances around. “Think I’m allowed to smoke here?”

“Probably not but there’s not a lot of people here to stop you.”

“Want one?”

“I don’t smoke.”

“You have before.”

“Once. When we had our ‘talk.’”

“Oh, I remember. We weren’t even dating yet. Now look how far we’ve come.” He holds one out anyways and Kaidan takes it. “I’m gonna laugh if your parents catch you.”

“I’ll say you peer pressured me.”

“Pfft. Blow smoke in my face.”

“You’re so weird,” Kaidan laughs but does it anyways.

“But you love me anyways.”

“True.”

The mood suddenly feels a little less playful. “Are you nervous for Monday?”

“I’m nervous for tonight. I already know I won’t be able to sleep.”

“Me either,” Cal quietly admits. “I think you’re going to shine in all your classes and whatever clubs you join. You’ll get used to being on your own and really enjoy it. I don’t think you’ll have trouble making new friends.”

“There’s just going to be one thing missing from all that.”

“I won’t be missing, you’ll know exactly where I am. I will wait at the airport with your name on a sign, I’ll skype with you whenever you want. I-I may not be able to kiss you whenever I want or hang out with you after a long day at work but...I’ll still be by your side.” He scrunches his face. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. No matter how far apart we are for however long, my love for you will never change. Just don’t...”

“Don’t what?” he gently prods. But Cal shakes his head. “Come on, tell me.”

“Don’t forget about me,” he whispers.

Kaidan frowns. His hand reaches up to move a strand of blue hair out of Cal’s eyes. “Is that what you’re afraid of? How could I ever forget you? You mean the world to me. Your personality is so big and bright. I want a future with you and that helps motivate me every day. I brought pictures of you to hang up in my dorm so that when I wake up, you’re the first thing I see.”

“I’m dumb, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said-”

“Shh. It’s okay. This is hard.”

“You mean the world to me too.”

“We’ll make this work, Cal.”

“I know we will. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Not long after, they decide to find Kaidan’s parents. Kaidan complains about smelling like smoke but Cal reminds him that he didn’t have to give in to peer pressure.

“This place does seem pretty nice,” Shepard murmurs, glancing around.

“I’m terrified but really excited. I’m officially a student here.”

“I know I’ve said it before but I couldn’t be more proud of you. I’m gonna brag about you all the time.”

“I’ll be bragging about you too. My handsome, talented artist. Our first date was you painting a portrait of me.”

They’re kissing each other by a tree when they hear someone clear their throat. They pull away quickly and Kaidan looks embarrassed when he sees his parents standing nearby. “Uhh, we’re done exploring,” he mumbles.

They leave campus for a while and drive around the city, eventually stopping at the mall. A few more hours. It all ticks by too quickly. They eat dinner in a restaurant outside the mall and then it’s time to drop Kaidan off. Cal’s pretty sure that Thomas is driving slightly under the speed limit on purpose, to prolong the time they have left with Kaidan. Cal doesn’t want to say goodbye, he still doesn’t feel ready. He knows he’ll never feel ready. Each step towards the dorms makes him feel more upset.

He sits himself down on Kaidan’s bed while his parents say goodbye first. He listens to them say how much they love him and how proud they are and if he needs anything, then just let them know. Both Thomas and Evelyn are tearing up by the time they’re done. Cal knows it’s taking everything Kaidan has not to start crying. They walk into the hall and then Cal stands up. He suddenly doesn’t know what to say.

So he hugs Kaidan instead.

“I’m gonna miss you so, so much,” Kaidan breathes.

“I’ll miss you too.”

“You said you were going to wait for me at the airport with a sign. You better be there.”

Cal laughs into his shoulder. “I will be there with literal bells on, I promise. I love you, I know I’ve said that like twenty times today, but I mean it every single time. I don’t want to let go but I have a small present for you in my backpack.”

“I don’t want to let go either but I also want my gift.”

They pull apart and Cal unzips the bag he’s been carrying around all day. “Before you get your hopes up, it’s art.”

“You say that like I don’t adore everything you draw.”

He pulls out a frame and inside it is a picture done in colored pencil.

“Is this...this is us at the beach. When we celebrated Ryan’s birthday.”

“Ryan’s mom took this of us and she sent it to me later on. You can’t see our faces but...I still liked it a lot.” In the picture, Cal and Kaidan sit next to each other on a towel. The photo was taken from behind, while they were both staring out at the ocean, and that’s exactly what this drawing is.

Kaidan smiles down at it then gently places it on his bed. He suddenly cups Cal’s face and kisses him, this time trusting that his parents have already looked away long ago. It lasts a long time because the memory of it is going to need to last a long time. Another hug. Slowly they pull apart.

“I...guess this is it.”

“I guess so,” Kaidan says. “Y’know, I planned out this whole goodbye like, a million times in my head.”

A grin spreads across Cal’s face. “Me too. And now I don’t remember any of it. How about...I call you when I get home? And we can say goodnight.”

Kaidan nods and looks over when his parents reenter the room. “That sounds good to me.”

He hugs his parents again and then Cal one more time. It doesn’t matter that it’s the middle of summer, Cal loves Kaidan’s warm embrace. “Talk to you soon.”

“Can’t wait. Bye.”

It’s time. Kaidan walks with them into the hallway and watches them go. “Love you, Cal,” he calls out.

Cal stops and turns around. “Love you too.” He wants to run back down the hall but he stops himself. That’ll probably only make it harder on Kaidan. Instead he smiles and waves. “Don’t party too hard without me.”

It’s weird walking back outside without Kaidan. It’s weird being alone with his parents, who are obviously hurting at their only child moving across the state, even if it is for a great reason. Do they really have to wait until the end of November to see him again? Are there any long weekends between now and Thanksgiving? There has to be something...

He quietly climbs into the back seat and places his backpack next to him. At least he gets to go home to Ryan and all his friends. Kaidan has to start completely new here. Cal knows he wouldn’t be able to do something like that, and he does admire Kaidan for being able to make such a difficult decision. Kaidan’s parents talk during the drive back to the airport but he doesn’t pay much attention. He tries to tell himself that he’s exaggerating, that he’s making this a bigger deal than it is, but all that succeeds in doing is making him feel worse.

Kaidan’s been a huge part of his life this last year. And he still is a big part but...it’s different now. Cal feels very lonely as they walk through the rental lot and he gradually falls behind until he stops completely. He stares at the ground, not hearing Evelyn call his name.

Tears he forced himself to hold back in front of Kaidan come now, even though he doesn’t want them to. But he can’t help it and so he cries in the middle of the lot. He feels an arm wrap around him and he hugs whoever it is. Evelyn.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” she says quietly, in a tone that he assumes is what a normal mom sounds like. For the briefest of moments, he’s angry that his own mother--whoever she is--isn’t the one here comforting him. “It’s only for a little while.”

“I miss him,” he cries. His shoulders shake as he tries to control himself but all Evelyn says is,

“It’s okay, Cal. Let it out.”

He feels another hand on his back. Thomas. He misses Kaidan. That’s it. It’s only been twenty minutes and he’s already a mess. How’s he supposed to get through a full semester? After he finishes crying all over Evelyn, he pulls back and tries to wipe his eyes.

“Hold on, I have tissues in my purse.” She hands him a couple and he cleans his face.

When they return to the airport and wait, he no longer feels nervous about the flight. That’s one good thing at least. Kaidan’s parents let him have the aisle seat too. He needs every small victory he can get right now.


	57. Chapter 57

Cal walks alone into the college bookstore. It’s crowded with people trying to buy their necessary school supplies. There are separate lines for people buying books and people buying snacks and stuff like scantrons. He glances around, sees where the cameras are and what workers are around. Then he grabs some chips and a soda and gets in the shorter line. He’s done with English and has an hour and twenty minutes before math. His Tuesdays and Thursdays are busier. Each art class is almost three hours. But he looks forward to drawing with his friends every week.

Once he knows what book he needs for math, he’ll come back and decide if he actually wants to purchase it. He received some financial aid but it’s not enough to cover everything. Why waste money on books when he can save up for a plane ticket to see Kaidan instead?

He still has an hour to waste so he texts his boyfriend. He’s rewarded with a phone call. “Hey, Kay. I thought you were in chem.”

“First day, no lab, so we got out early. How was English?”

“She went over the books we’re gonna read this semester and the essays we have to write.” He sighs. “I already hate that class. What about yours?”

“My professor’s a bit goofy. He insists we call him ‘doctor’ even though he doesn’t have his doctorate. He got mad and his voice jumped up like a full octave.”

“I’d make it a point to call him ‘mister’ until he gets mad again.”

They talk until Cal walks over to his math class and absolutely has to go in. He enters the room right at 2:30 and nabs one of the last seats. Unfortunately, it’s in the front row. More students come in but all the desks are taken so they have to sit in chairs that line the wall. The professor’s sitting at his desk. He looks at his watch then holds four fingers up. Cal’s not sure what that means but then exactly four minutes later, he stands and introduces himself.

“Who’s trying to crash this course? Not on the waiting list?”

A surprising amount of hands go up.

“Alright, sorry but can I have the crashers sit in the chairs so enrolled students can have the desks?”

After they shuffle around, he tells them that his waitlist is full but they can wait it out if they want. Many do. As he takes roll, Cal wonders why the class is so full. When he was browsing the schedule, he saw plenty of pre-calc classes. Maybe he lucked out and chose a good professor.

“Cal Shepard?”

He raises his hand and their eyes meet. A small bit of excitement jolts through him. His professor certainly is handsome--and Cal knows he’s gay without him saying a word. If he were single, Cal would try to pursue it. But something tells him that despite his casual demeanor, the guy most likely keeps a professional relationship with students. Still, Cal’s mind is free to wander.

When he finally gets home, Ryan isn’t there yet. He throws his backpack on the coffee table then lies on the couch. He only means to shut his eyes for a moment. But an hour later, Ryan’s shaking him awake. They eat dinner, Cal tells him all about his classes and the syllabuses. He’s really excited about his art classes. He enjoyed his high school one a lot, he doesn’t see why these would be any different. Unless his professors are stuck up or something. Hopefully that’s not the case.

He skypes with Kaidan later that evening and ‘meets’ his roommate. Cal misses him immensely. They tell each other goodnight and he blows Kaidan a kiss before they hang up. He exhales deeply and throws himself back on his bed. It’s going to be a long semester without him.

~~~~~

Wrex has already agreed to pick him up every Tuesday and Thursday morning. When he doesn’t decide to ditch. But their afternoon classes differ so Cal still has to take the bus home. In the car, Wrex asks how Kaidan’s liking his school so far. Then he asks how Cal’s doing.

He shrugs. “I miss him a lot. Our anniversary’s on a Saturday. Maybe we’ll be able to see each other. I’m gonna save up for a plane ticket. Which means I’m going to steal the English and math books I need so I don’t have to waste money.”

Wrex laughs. “Been a while since you’ve done that. Don’t get caught.”

“Bitch, I was great at what I did. Cal Shepard does not get caught.”

That holds true. Since they don’t have to draw on the first day, life drawing ends early and Cal and Charlie have a lot of time until watercolors. Charlie rolls his eyes and says he’ll wait outside when Cal tells him his plan. A little while later, Cal and Wrex meet up with him and Cal’s shoving the stolen books into his backpack.

“Easy,” he says with a snap of his fingers.

At the end of their school day, Charlie says he doesn’t mind driving Cal home. He’s grateful, he really didn’t feel like taking the bus. When Ryan arrives, he once again tells him about his day. He’s usually pretty talkative at dinner but he goes on about his professors, two people who he already likes. He skips the part about stealing books though, not wanting to suffer through Ryan’s disappointed face.

He starts thinking that this semester won’t be so bad as far as school goes. Until he has class Wednesday. And needs to go to work after that. His day is definitely long but he keeps thinking it’s not terrible. He’s off Thursday. They don’t have models in life drawing yet and not everyone has their supplies but they practice other things. And then he works Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

He’s sitting outside the mall a little after 10pm waiting for Ryan. A little more time passes and he texts him. When he doesn’t respond, he calls. No answer. He decides to call Ronan.

“Hey, Cal. What’s up?”

“Hey, are you still with Rye? He’s not picking up.”

“Nah, I left a while ago. Uhh, are you at work? Want me to go over and see?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. Maybe he just fell asleep but I’m over here waiting.”

“Alright, I’ll call you back in a minute.”

A few more minutes pass and this time Ryan calls back. “God Cal, I’m sorry. I fell asleep with my phone on silent.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I figured.”

“I’ll be there in a few.”

He apologizes again when Cal gets in the car but he brushes it off. “I should be driving anyways instead of making you do it.”

“No, it’s fine. How was your day?”

“Fine,” he yawns. “I’m so fucking tired.” His eyes close. “I don’t want to go in tomorrow.”

“School or work?”

“Both. But I mean work. It’s only been one week and I’m already exhausted.”

“Maybe you can get a job at school? The hours might be easier and you won’t have to take the bus as much.”

“Eh, everyone probably applies for those. I doubt I’d get in. I don’t necessarily mind my job, it’s just...a lot. I can’t wait to go home and crawl into bed.” But then a moment later, “Oh, fuck me. I forgot to do my goddamn English homework. Mother fucking cunt.”

“Is it a lot?”

“Read a story, answer the questions. See this is why I like Dennis-”

“Who’s Dennis?”

“My math professor. He said to just call him by his first name. He assigns homework but doesn’t collect it. Says it’s just there to help teach us and if we understand in class then we don’t have to do a billion problems at home. But if we do need it then we can do it and ask him questions the next class. I hate English so fucking much.”

“You know, like you said, it’s only been one week. It’s not too late to drop a class.”

“If not this semester then I’ll have to do it next. Might as well get it over with.”

“Just...keep it in mind, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Fuck it, I’m just gonna take the missing points. It’s one assignment, who cares?”

He and Kaidan don’t talk on the phone but they do text each other goodnight before Cal collapses onto his bed and falls asleep.


	58. Chapter 58

It’s two and a half weeks since the first day of school when Cal has a breakdown. Four classes plus work plus Kaidan living far away has gotten to him.

“It’s too much!” he shouts Wednesday night, ripping his water color homework right in half. Just as he was finishing it, he accidentally knocked his water cup over and spilled it on his paper. “I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I failed the English quiz today, this is ruined, I have no time to even call my boyfriend.” He stomps his feet on the floor as Ryan tries to calm him but he’s not listening. “I should just quit everything and go back to the Reds. Finch’ll probably kick my ass but they’d let me back in.” He stands and angrily balls his paper up, too upset to walk over to the kitchen trash. “I don’t understand _anything_ in English. I don’t know how to analyze stupid stories, I don’t want to do that group project. This math chapter is hard and the problems all take forever. I try to concentrate in life drawing but all Wrex wants to do is mess around.” He slumps down on the couch. “I miss Kaidan but he loves it over there. How much longer until he leaves me?” And then he starts crying. Ryan sits next to him, hand rubbing Cal’s back. “I don’t know what to do,” he says, face buried in his hands.

“Four classes is too much right now. I think you should drop English. It’s causing you too much stress, it isn’t worth it. Send an email to your watercolor professor, tell her what happened, and ask if you can have an extension on your homework. And then while you’re online, drop English.”

Cal doesn’t respond, just takes hard shaky breaths. Ryan scoots closer so he can hug him.

“Come on, just breathe,” Ryan whispers. “Deep breaths.” Once Cal’s a little calmer, he continues. “Do you...do you think quitting your job would help?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to quit. I just. I don’t know. I like having my own money and not leeching off you. Even if you won’t accept rent. I-I think I’ll just drop English. But I like my art classes. And math. I have a good professor.”

“Okay, just drop English and that’ll help you a lot I think.”

“I wanted to join clubs and-and-”

“Can you?”

“I don’t know. They started up this week but I completely forgot. I wanted to join our GSA and art club. But I don’t know when they are.”

“Don’t you have another art friend? Charlie? He probably knows.”

“Yeah, I’ll ask him tomorrow.”

“Is something going on with Kaidan? Anything you need to talk about?”

“No...I’m glad he likes it over there so much. He’s making friends in all his smarty classes, he and his roommate get along. He likes being out on his own. And I’m over here just...missing him every day.”

“I’m sure he misses you too. Why wouldn’t he? I’m sure you guys just don’t want to make each other feel worse about it.”

“Yeah. I haven’t told him how hard this all is. I’m so overwhelmed and it’s only been a couple weeks. And we’re supposed to do this for years?”

“It’ll get easier. You’re just starting out with the long distance, with school. You’re still learning how to balance this all out. But you will. You know what else will help I think?”

“What?”

“If we found you a therapist to help you deal with all these emotions. They can teach you how to cope.”

“...Do you really think it’ll help?”

“Yeah, I do. I think there’s a number you call and they’ll give you a list of therapists that are covered by your insurance. I have all the information, I can find it tomorrow.”

“I’m surprised you don’t have it all ready to go.”

“Well, you brushed me off last time. Figured it wasn’t the right time to push it.”

He closes his head as he rests his head against Ryan. He feels so tired but he’s not sure if he’ll be able to sleep tonight.

“Your phone’s blinking.”

“I don’t even know where it is,” Cal mutters.

“Here on the floor.”

Cal groans when Ryan moves to pick his phone up for him. He has a text from Charlie from more than an hour ago. “First art club is tomorrow at 9:45. Wanna go with me?” he reads. “Why so fucking early? I’m tired but...I do want to check it out.” He continues to slump onto Ryan as he texts back, not wanting to move at all. He’s glad when Charlie responds right away instead of making him wait an hour in return.

‘It’s early because a lot of them are taking the same art classes as us. I can you pick you up in the morning if you want.’

‘I’d appreciate it. I won’t make you take me home too. Did you finish your watercolor thing?’

‘Yeah, after I got home from bio. You?’

‘Almost. And then I spilled my fucking water on it. I’m gonna shoot her an email to see if I can turn it in next week.’

‘I’d be pissed.’

‘Trust me, I am.’

“I’m glad me and Charlie are getting along. It’d be really uncomfortable if we didn’t. But he’s a pretty cool guy now that we’ve straightened everything out.”

“I’m glad you have another art student to hang out with.”

“Yeah. I love Wrex but I wish he’d realize that I’m there to draw. I don’t mind talking but it’s too much.” He sighs. “It’s getting late, you gotta wake up earlier than me.” He finally moves to sit up.

“I don’t mind. Are you okay?”

He nods.

“Are you sure?”

He hesitates then shrugs.

“What else is on your mind?”

He puts his head back on Ryan’s shoulder. “I told you how I broke down in front of Kaidan’s parents.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I was upset but I got a real mad too for a second.”

“About what?”

“About how my real mom should’ve been there to comfort me. And now I keep thinking about it. I mean...I’ve wondered who my parents are. But I usually can shove it out of my mind. But now it’s...”

“I’ve...looked into it before. There are ways to try and find your birth parents, if that’s something you want to do. It won’t be easy but...”

“No,” he says quickly. “N-no, I don’t want to. I don’t know why I dwelling on it.”

“I mean, it’s kind of a big thing. Getting wrung through the foster care system, growing up not knowing who your biological parents are. I can’t imagine what that feels like. It’s normal to have all these different emotions about it. You know what I’m going to suggest.”

“You really want me to go to therapy, huh? I’ve finally talked both your ears off.”

“I know you’re saying that as a joke but I swear on my life I don’t mean it like that. You can come to me about anything in the world.”

“I know, I know.”

“Cal, I mean it. I’m always going to be here for you.”

He can feel himself tearing up again, but for a different reason this time. He’s cried more in the last month than he has in years. “I do know that. I love you.”

“I love you too.” A few moments of peaceful silence pass between them. “Don’t forget, you have to send your professor that email.”

“Goddamn it. I hate adult emails. Will you proofread it for me?”

“Yeah. Want your laptop?”

“Yes, please. It’s on the kitchen table.”

He writes it as fast as he can, a few sentences explaining what happened. And then he officially drops out of English. Already a slight weight has lifted off his shoulders.

“Alright, ready for bed?” Ryan asks.

“Yeah. Night.”

“Night. Wake me up if you need anything.”

He pads to his room, thinking about what Ryan said. The thought of telling a stranger extremely personal things about himself makes him uncomfortable. What will they be able to tell him that he hasn’t thought of already? But Ryan seems really confident that it’ll help in some way and while he doesn’t trust a faceless therapist, he does trust his friend.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, next chapter is going to be the last. And I mentioned this on tumblr but...I realize I forgot to write Kaidan's birthday. Had I remembered, I would've put him as a winter baby. Anyways, I like this chapter. Hope you do too

“Ugh, I don’t want to go tomorrow,” Cal groans loudly. It’s Thursday night, just over a week since he dropped English. His watercolor homework was turned in late, with just 5% being knocked off. He has his first therapy session in the morning.

“If you don’t like him, you can always switch to a new one. Remember that,” Kaidan tells him.

“Yeah, I know. You doing anything tonight?”

“Just finishing up an outline for chemistry. We have to write two papers and...bleh. I like doing the labs but these seem unnecessary.”

“He’s punishing you for not calling him doctor.”

“He’s so annoying. I like my little lab group at least. How’s art going? You still annoyed at Wrex?”

“Nah. He’s getting better at concentrating, I think he’s trying to improve his drawing. Hurry up and finish your homework. I wanna play Pokemon and test my new team out against you.”

“I can do the rest tomorrow. Get your DS.”

Cal immediately accuses Kaidan of cheating when he beats him and his new team. Kaidan just smiles. “Wanna try again?”

“...Yes. Let me switch a couple out first.”

He does better but Kaidan still has one Pokemon standing when all of Cal’s six faint. He blows his usual kiss at the screen before they hang up. After talking to Kaidan about it this past week, he feels a little less nervous about his appointment tomorrow. But the anxiety doesn’t disappear completely.

When he’s getting dressed in the morning, he debates skipping it and just heading directly to the mall. But he gets on the bus and gets off at the correct stop. At least it isn’t too hot in the morning, he thinks as he walks to the plaza.

When it’s over, he immediately calls Kaidan. “I didn’t skip the appointment.”

“I didn’t think you would.”

“Liar.”

“I knew you’d consider it and then just go anyways. How was it?”

“Mm, okay. He’s really nice. But I don’t know how I feel yet. This was just a session to get to know me or whatever.”

“Did you make another appointment?”

“Yeah, a couple in advance. My next one is on the twenty-fifth.” That’s the week of their anniversary. Well, that Saturday is. They’ve talked a little about it but Kaidan’s just not sure if he can make it. He has so much school work, tests already approaching, club activities. They won’t know until it’s a little closer but he’s warned Cal that it might not happen. He’s trying not to think about it. Though he already has a gift chosen, he’s waiting to purchase it. “I guess we’ll get into more of my past next time. Can’t fuckin’ wait.”

~~~~~

“My boyfriend told me this morning that he can’t come down for our anniversary,” Cal tells his therapist. It’s his second appointment and he’s really down today. “He has a test next Monday he needs to study for. A group project, his chem paper. Some club thing. Our one year is on Saturday. I’m going to buy his gift when I get home and...send it to the school I guess.”

“What are you getting him?”

“A ring. It’s white gold with black stones across it. I’ve been saving up for it. It’s...it’s not supposed to be like, a wedding ring. Just...I like it a lot.”

Quite a bit of the session is spent talking about Kaidan--how they met, how he reacted to finding out Cal was in a gang, how much he misses him. When he leaves that evening and gets into Ryan’s car, he does feel somewhat better. He’s excited to buy his gift, wishes he could watch Kaidan open it. Once it’s bought and he types a little note to go with it, he tells Kaidan to be on the lookout in the next few days.

Wrex picks him up early on Tuesday and they meet Charlie for breakfast. The GSA has a movie night planned this evening at 5:00 so Cal and Charlie plan to leave watercolors a few minutes early.

“You should come,” Cal tells Wrex, a mouthful of pancake in his mouth. “You’re bi, why don’t you wanna go?”

“I just don’t want to be part of any club,” he says. “What time’s the movie thing?”

“Five. Come on, we can snuggle while we watch it.”

“What about me?” Charlie says.

“I’ll sit in the middle so you can both get a side.”

“Fine, I’m sold.”

“You’re so easy,” Cal laughs at Wrex.

“Ha! Coming from you of all people.”

Cal goes to life drawing in a lighter mood than he’s been in. Wrex asks for genuine help with one of their drawings, he can’t get the head on today’s model right. They part ways after class, with Wrex promising to meet them for movie night. Cal’s enjoyed both clubs so far, though it’s only been a couple weeks. Two of the officers in the gsa are kind of annoying, but he likes being there overall.

When the three of them settle down with candy and sodas in the room where the movie’s being held, Cal takes a picture and sends it to Kaidan. A few minutes later, he receives one in return--Kaidan looks like he’s in the library, papers and books cover the table he’s at. His calc test is next Monday but he also has a physics exam on Thursday. They didn’t do electricity and magnetism in high school, but Cal jokes that he’s going to make fun of him if he fails regardless.

The movie starts and he puts his phone away. He holds hands with both Charlie and Wrex. He doesn’t think of them as anything other than friends, but he’s missed all the touching and contact with Kaidan. The sex too, but he can absolutely hold off until Kaidan comes back. The hand holding is much more innocent and platonic. The club members talk for a little while after the movie is over and Cal goes home with Charlie, since he lives just a tiny bit closer than Wrex does.

The rest of the week is okay. Cal goes to work, clubs, classes. Even though Kaidan can’t come, he requested the weekend off work anyways. He knows he’s going to be depressed on Saturday. And Sunday. And probably Monday too. And when their anniversary finally does arrive, he wakes up feeling sad.

As he lies in bed, he checks facebook and sees a long post that he’s tagged in. Kaidan posted pictures of them and wrote about how much he loves Cal, how proud of him he is, how happy he’s been the last year. It does make Cal smile, and miss Kaidan even more, and he writes a long comment in response. Though it takes him many drafts before he’s satisfied. Just a couple minutes later, before he’s even out of bed, Kaidan calls him.

“Happy anniversary!”

“Morning, Kay. Happy anniversary. Your post was...a very nice thing to wake up to. Did my gift arrive?”

“No, not yet. I’ll send you pictures the minute it does. I take it mine hasn’t either?”

“No. Hopefully they both arrive today. You were up early. You sound like you’ve already had coffee.”

“Yeah, I got a lot to do today. Have to meet up with my group at noon, was hoping to study a little before that.”

They talk for a little while, Cal trying his hardest to hide just how upset he is that they can’t spend the day together. He’s not mad at Kaidan but the situation is unfair. Kaidan promises to call him later then says he has to go. They hang up, Cal gets out of bed and heads for the kitchen.

“I know you’re depressed today,” Ryan says once he walks into the living room. “But let’s go out for a while. It’ll be better than you sitting in the house all day.”

“I don’t know...” he mutters, taking a sip of piping hot coffee.

“Wasn’t there a movie you wanted to see? Let’s go see it.”

It takes a little convincing but finally Cal agrees to go. He showers, takes a picture for Kaidan, then gets dressed. They go to lunch first and Cal becomes more talkative. Ryan’s finally able to get him to laugh and they go to the movie in higher spirits. They walk over and go shopping a bit in the outside portion of the mall, Cal not wanting to go in and be seen by anyone at work. He buys a couple new pairs of shoes and then they decide to head home.

“Thanks for making me go out,” he says in the car. “It’s better than moping.”

“I’m sorry the day couldn’t go the way you wanted. Maybe he’ll be able to come down next month.”

“I hope so. I don’t want to wait two months until Thanksgiving. I feel bad that he’s swamped with all this fucking schoolwork.”

Ryan parks in his usual spot and Cal gets out first. “Ronan’s calling me, I’ll be in in a minute.”

“Okay, can you bring my shoes when you do? I left them in the backseat,” Cal calls back.

“Uh-huh.”

He unhooks his keychain from his belt loop, a little stuffed animal he’s had for years, and unlocks the front door. Ryan claims he misplaced his keys, luckily he has a spare for his car. Cal swears he sees movement and he freezes. Something’s off. He drops his key on the side table and slowly moves through the short hall.

He emerges into the living room and his jaw drops. The coffee table is gone and replaced with a small two-person table, white table cloth thrown over it, candles lit. But most importantly is the person next to it. Kaidan stands there, black slacks, black button up, and tie on. He also wears a large smile on his face.

“Happy anniversary, babe.”

Cal rushes forward and kisses him. He practically crushes Kaidan in a hug. “You fucking lied to me,” he laughs. “Asshole.”

“Ah, not quite. I took my math test yesterday and finished my portion of the group project early.”

“Fuck, you’re actually here. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you too. I’m so happy to see you.”

“When did you get here?”

“This afternoon. My parents picked me up, took me to the store so I could buy everything for dinner, then dropped me off here. Ryan gave his key to my mom so I could unlock the door. Speaking of dinner-” He grabs Cal’s hand and drags him into the kitchen, where Kaidan has a lot going on. Cal clings onto him and rests his head on his shoulder as Kaidan stirs a pot.

“It smells good.” He still can’t quite believe Kaidan’s here. It feels a lot longer than a month and a half since the last time they saw each other.

“Unfortunately, it’s still going to take some time. But-” He turns around and holds up his hand. On his ring finger is the ring Cal sent him. “I love it.”

He beams and kisses him again. “You look so handsome and I look like a fuckin’ bum. You stay here, I gotta go get ready! I have time, right?”

“Yeah, but hurry up!”

Cal grabs a towel from the hallway closet and rushes to shower again. He cleans up, combs his hair, and dresses in the nicest clothes he has in record time. He glances around and tries to tidy up his room a little. His phone blinks and he checks his messages. It’s from Ryan.

‘Spending the night at Ronan’s. Have a good time, happy anniversary.’

‘Thank you,’ he responds. ‘And I knew you didn’t lose your damn keys.’

He adjusts his bow tie in the mirror then goes out to greet his boyfriend again. Cal can’t stop grinning. Kaidan turns around from the stove just as he’s getting his phone out. “Smile,” he tells him and he takes a picture. They kiss and he takes another.

“Fuck, I didn’t even ask when you have to go back. You said you already took your math test, does that mean Monday?”

“Yeah. Decided to skip class so we could have at least one whole together. I fly back in the evening. Six I think. Dinner’s just about done. Go sit down, I’ll bring everything out.”

Cal goes and takes another picture of himself by the table. He’ll post all of these later. Kaidan enters, carrying multiple things. He goes back into the kitchen and comes with a couple more dishes, then relights the candles on the table. He serves each of them while Cal watches with adoring eyes. There’s already soft music playing from Kaidan’s phone on the end table next to the couch.

As they eat, Cal says, “You should drop out of school and become a chef.”

“Heh, I’ve, uh, played with the idea of going to culinary school. But I like where I’m at right now.”

“Well, I think it makes a solid back up plan.”

There’s a lot of food and just when Cal can’t take another bite, Kaidan announces dessert. “My apologies,” he says. “I didn’t bake this one.”

“What is it?”

“I bought us cupcakes from your favorite bakery.”

“What flavor did you get me?”

“Don’t worry, yours is double chocolate. I’ll be back.” He disappears into the kitchen and comes out a minute later holding individual boxes.

“I’m suddenly not quite as full anymore,” Cal says as he opens his.

“I know you can’t resist cake.”

He pulls his chocolate cupcake out of the box but notices something still inside. He tilts the box and out comes a ring into his waiting hand. He’s not sure if it’s silver or white gold, but it has small...emeralds? They look like emeralds across the front.

“Since you got me a ring, I thought it only right that you have one too,” Kaidan explains. “It’s white gold and those are emeralds. It’s cheesy but I like how they’re the same color as your eyes.”

Cal grins and slides it onto his ring finger. “I’m going to wear this every single day. Thank you.” He leans forward so they can kiss. “I couldn’t ask for a better anniversary.”

Much later in the night, they’re lying together in Cal’s bed. Dinner is long over, their clothes are long gone. But they each still have their rings on. Cal’s eyes close as Kaidan’s hand runs up and down his back. They talk about their plans for tomorrow--or technically later today since it’s after midnight. They’ll spend Sunday night at Kaidan’s parents so he can see them for a little while.

“I work for a few hours Monday morning,” Cal tells him. “I can skip math though.”

“Can you? You’re not missing anything, are you?”

“Just a quiz but-”

“Then I’ll take you.”

“You can come with me! My professor’s really cool and he’s one of the advisers for gay club. He likes me, he won’t mind if you come. And then we’ll go back to your house and we’ll take you to the airport.”

“Sounds good to me. Are you feeling better about dropping English?”

“Yeah. That class was fucking awful right off the bat. Art’s fun, especially watercolors. I may have a small crush on my math professor. You’ll get to see how handsome he is. I kinda wanna be friends with him but I don’t know how to go about it.”

“Hm, be friends with him or...”

“Let’s double team him on Monday and have a threesome.”

Kaidan laughs. “Right there in the classroom?”

“I’d suggest his office but it’s tiny.”

“You’ve been there?”

“I’ve genuinely needed help...even though my boyfriend’s a math genius.”

“You’re pretty good at math yourself.”

“Some of this chapter’s been hard. Ugh, fuck school. The only way I wanna talk about my classes is if it’s about art.”

“You only have art homework in watercolors, right?”

“Mhm. I can do another painting of you. Now that it’s college, it can be a nude.”

“Heh, maybe sometime in the future. But for your eyes only.”

They don’t sleep much that night, too excited to be reunited for a couple days. They spend most of the morning lounging around then decide to call a few friends up. Their group gathers in the afternoon but Cal and Kaidan spend time with his parents in the evening. They drive back to the apartment so Cal can gather his stuff to spend the night.

“I wanna learn how to skateboard.”

Cal perks up and spins to look at Kaidan, who’s laying on his bed. “Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, I know how to roll. Teach me how to kickflip.”

“Ha, that’s going to take some time. But I have two boards! Well, three. We can skate at your house.”

Ronan and Amanda are with Ryan in the living room. Kaidan says bye to him before the couple is out the door.

“Let me hang on the back of the car while you drive!” Cal says as soon as the door closes.

“No, what if you get hurt?”

“I won’t.”

 _“No,”_ Kaidan tells him.

He pouts but gets in the car after tossing his stuff in the back seat. He’s excited about the idea of teaching Kaidan how to skate. He laughs when Kaidan expresses the desire for a helmet.

“Oh...you’re serious. I do have one somewhere in my closet but you won’t need it. It’ll be fine. You might fall on your ass but you got the cushion.” He grins when Kaidan flicks him.

They play around on the skateboards when they get to his house. Cal grabs his hands as they go down the driveway together, partially because Kaidan’s nervous to go down alone and mostly because he just wants to hold his hand.

“Do a trick for me!” Kaidan insists.

He kickflips off a curb and manuals through the street before they call it a night. They’re a bit sweaty but they don’t care as they hang out in the living room with Kaidan’s parents. They play a couple board games and Cal feels like a normal teenager. He’s happy, goes to bed happy even though when he wakes up, he has to go to work for a few hours. Kaidan drops him off and then picks him up, they head to the college.

“What time’s your class start again?” Kaidan asks as they walk through the parking lot.

“2:30. Hungry?”

“I could go for a snack.”

Cal buys them sandwiches and they eat in a corner of the cafeteria. They’re laughing together when Shepard suddenly points across the room. “Hey, that’s my math teacher. Professor. Whatever.”

“The guy wearing the purple tie?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh...oh, he is very attractive.”

“Told you.”

He gets in line with just a soda and some candy before he walks by and spots his student. “Hey, Cal! How’s it going?”

“I’m good. Hey, this is my boyfriend Kaidan. Can I bring him to class today? He’s in from out of town.”

“Sure, but on one condition. No helping you on the quiz. See ya in a bit.” Dennis winks at them and each boy melts a little.

“Wish my calc professor looked like that,” Kaidan mutters.

When they go to class, Kaidan stays quiet as everyone takes their quiz. But once it’s done and Dennis collects it, he tells Cal he can leave early. “You said he’s in from out of town, right? Go spend some time together.”

“Really? Thank you!” he says, immediately shoving his pencil and notebook back into his backpack. They don’t waste anytime and leave in a hurry. “We have like an hour until we’re supposed to meet your parents, yeah? Are they home?”

“Uhh, they might be. I dunno.”

“I say we go to the apartment until it’s time. Where we’ll be alone.”

“I say let’s go.”

Cal considers this surprise weekend with Kaidan nothing less than perfect. He loves Kaidan and he’s ecstatic that they got to spend their one year anniversary together. Saying goodbye again is hard, but not quite as hard as when they first parted. Cal doesn’t cry in front of Kaidan’s parents this time around. During the car ride back, he just texts Kaidan and plays with the ring on his finger and smiles.


	60. Chapter 60

Cal wasn’t able to go with Kaidan’s parents to pick him up during Thanksgiving break. He had to work. But it’s winter vacation now and he’s not missing it this time. Cal’s semester already ended a week ago. Math was the only ‘real’ final he had--life drawing and watercolors both required a portfolio of work over the semester. He’s pretty sure he did well in pre-calc, he’s hoping his final bumps him up to an A. Now that he’s more familiar with his limits, picking classes for the spring should go more smoothly. He wants to take the second life drawing class they offer as well as get started on the art history courses. Maybe he’ll try to reattempt English too.

Kaidan’s parents stop to let him out at the airport, they’ll drive around until the couple comes back. He’s excited, it’s been almost a month since the last time they saw each other. There’s a bounce in his step as he walks inside the building and towards the escalator Kaidan should be coming down in the next few minutes.

Yesterday, he was telling his therapist how much he misses Kaidan but that everyone was right. It’s been easier to deal with, he’s finally accepted that he and Kaidan have to live far apart for some time. Given a choice, he’d rather be able to see him whenever he wants but the despair he felt at the beginning of the semester is gone. His therapist has helped him deal with a lot of issues, not just with missing Kaidan. They still have a ton to work through though, Cal realizes it’s not an instantaneous process especially since it’s taken him time to really open up about his past involving his life in foster care and in the Reds.

People appear on the second floor and he straightens up and holds his sign. It’s just Kaidan’s name with a heart next to it, but back in August he promised to be there with a sign and he’s keeping that promise. Finally his boyfriend comes and they smile when their eyes meet.

Kaidan taps his foot impatiently as the group rides the escalator down. As soon as everyone’s out of his way, he rushes over. Cal kisses him happily, they have nearly an entire month together.

“You remembered the sign.”

“Unfortunately I couldn’t find any bells to wear.”

Kaidan throws a hand around his waist as they walk over to baggage claim. It takes a few minutes for the suitcases to come and of course Kaidan’s is one of the last to be unloaded. They go outside and wait for Thomas and Evelyn. They get out and hug their son quickly before everyone’s scrambling inside the car.

~~~~~

Today is Christmas. Cal wakes up early and Ryan’s parents come over in the morning from the hotel they’re staying at. Kaidan’s parents are hosting at their house again and invited Cal, Ryan, and Ryan’s parents. Technically it wasn’t their turn to host since they did last year, but everyone agreed to it so Cal and Kaidan could spend the holiday together. Even Ronan and Amanda are invited. A lot of their family is across the country but the twins don’t talk much to their parents.

Cal tears open all his presents and then the four of them eat breakfast. Cal shows them the progress on his tattoo, another couple treatments and it should finally be gone forever. It’s the last step in breaking free from the gang. Ryan’s parents return to the hotel to get ready for the afternoon at Kaidan’s, leaving the two of them alone again.

“Hey, I have news, even though it’s stupid. Nothing bad though,” Ryan says and Cal can tell he’s nervous.

“Oh boy. Okay, what’s up?”

“So you know the other day when Ronan and I were waiting for you to get off work?”

“Yeah.”

“Uh, god this is so dumb. Uhh, we held...hands. On purpose.”

“That ain’t dumb, what the fuck. What happened? Did you initiate it?”

“Yeah. Well, we were just walking through the mall and our hands bumped together accidentally. He said sorry but then...I dunno what happened, I decided to grab it. And we stayed like that a while. Last night when you were with Kaidan, we had another talk. A while back he went on a date and I absolutely acted supportive and excited for him but I...felt kind of jealous. It ended up not working out with the other guy and I was, well, glad about it. Since then I’ve had these feelings and they’ve gotten more intense. Actually, I think I’ve had them since we had our first talk. I told him that if he still wanted to, then I wanted to try this whole dating thing out. But if he didn’t, I understood.”

“Holy fuck, you’ve waited this long to tell me all this?!”

“It was only since last night!”

“Oh man, and did he still want to? Don’t leave me in suspense.”

“Yes. And assured me we could go slow and that he just wants me to be comfortable. I’m glad he understands that things are gonna have to be a slower pace with me but I want to try to push myself so that he’s taken care of too. This is...really unfamiliar territory for me...I. I have a boyfriend? Oh man, I’ve never said that before.”

“Fuck, man. Well, maybe not in your case.”

“Har har.”

“I know you never expected it but I’m glad you found someone who’s understanding and is gonna respect your boundaries.”

“Yeah, I trust him a lot. I’m...optimistic.”

“Are you telling anyone today?”

“I dunno. Maybe my parents. Amanda already knows, they tell each other everything.”

“Naturally.”

“Yeah. I’m not sure if we’ll mention it. Eventually.”

“I won’t say anything then. Except to Kaidan.”

“Heh, naturally.”

Cal knows how nervous Ryan actually is, he felt similarly when he started dating Kaidan. But they’re good friends and he thinks that will transfer to a positive relationship. He’s sure Ronan is thrilled about this new development too.

He means it that he won’t mention anything in front of Ryan’s parents, but when the twins swing by so they can go to Kaidan’s together, he definitely says something.

“I heard you’re gonna be gay with my best friend!” he announces loudly in the car.

“You heard right!” Ronan says.

“Be kind to him, I know where you live.”

“He’s gonna key your car and write ‘bitch’ on it,” Amanda says.

“Don’t give him ideas.”

“To be honest, I might do that just because it’s funny.”

The rest of the drive is peaceful. Cal’s pretty nervous himself--he met some of Kaidan’s family during Thanksgiving but he’s meeting a lot more today. They’re excited to _finally_ meet Kaidan’s boyfriend. He’s just happy to spend the holiday with Ryan and Kaidan and their families, even if he does have anxiety.

They park and carry in the various presents in the trunk. Cal’s eyes widen a bit at all the food laid out, his mouth waters. Thomas is still in the kitchen while Evelyn and her sister straighten things out. Not everyone is here yet, in fact it’s just Kaidan’s aunt and uncle at the moment and Cal’s met them before. That gives him and Kaidan a chance to sneak away for a minute.

“I really like this color on you,” Kaidan says, brushing his fingers through Cal’s hair. “Like cotton candy.”

“We should dye your hair too. A nice bleach blonde.”

“I’ll leave the hair coloring to you,” Kaidan laughs.

Cal rests his head against Kaidan and closes his eyes. “Our first Christmas together.”

“First of many.”

He smiles at that. “We’ll get to spend your birthday together too.”

“I can’t wait.”

They still have many more semesters before they can live close to each other again and Cal would be lying if he said he was thrilled with that thought. But it’s to pursue things that they love so he can be okay with it. A year and a half ago, on that very first day of twelfth grade when he sat down in physics, he never would’ve imagined that anything would come of it. He never could have predicted that this is what his life would like some day. He thought himself destined only for an ugly end in the Reds but both Ryan and Kaidan helped to encourage him, to give him fuel to fight against the hardships life’s dealt him. He will always have a partner and best friend in Ryan but he’s also working hard so that one day, he and Kaidan can build a future together.

“Kaid! Cal! More guests are here and they want to see you!”

“Okay!” Kaidan calls back to his mom but they don’t budge.

“They can wait another minute,” Cal whispers right before Kaidan kisses him. The guests will still be there in a few minutes. They’ve had to wait a semester to share this soft moment and right now that takes priority over all else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap. I'm glad to have completed another story but it's going to be strange not writing this AU anymore. Thanks for sticking with this story and I hope you enjoyed. If you're interested in more of my writing, follow me at **gaycalshepard.tumblr.com** or just go to my blog and click on my writing tag, where you can find many things that don't end up on AO3


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